Me: You would go back and get me right?
P: Yeah...no.
Me: What if I was pregnant?
P: Then I'd think about it.
April 22, 2008
April 21, 2008
He still thinks he did a lot more than he really did.
P: So are you getting an epidural this time?
Me: No...
P: What the F*ck?
Me: Well, I already know I don't need one, and anyway, think about all the problems it could cause for me and the baby!
P: You're having this one alone, this time.
Me: Yeah, because you totally pushed Taryn out for me, right?
P: Exactly.
Me: No...
P: What the F*ck?
Me: Well, I already know I don't need one, and anyway, think about all the problems it could cause for me and the baby!
P: You're having this one alone, this time.
Me: Yeah, because you totally pushed Taryn out for me, right?
P: Exactly.
April 20, 2008
Month Twenty-Two
Well Baby-Love, you are officially twenty-two months old today, which may not seem like a big deal, but think about it. You got your first haircut this month, you were weaned, gave up your binkie and rode a pony for the first time. You are like, almost a teenager already!
Sweetie, I wish I could write a nice long letter to you, but this morning sickness caused by your little brother (I think...we'll see) is kicking my butt. I feel awful, and I know this may just be the first of many reasons you'll ask me to return it once it's here, but you have been a doll for Mama when I'm sick, giving me the biggest hugs and kisses, and brushing my hair for me.
You have also been into destroying the house too, dumping piles of everything everywhere, and to be honest, I'm just too tired to keep cleaning so the house is a mess. But I think it's fun for you, like an obstacle course or something. Plus, you keep finding random Cheerios on the ground and hold it up proudly yelling, "Cheerio!" (or maybe cereal, they sort of sound the same out of your mouth) and you pop it in before I can dive off the couch to grab it from you.
We got you a new "car" too, your jogging stroller that you love riding in, though I have unfortunately been too sick and tired to take you out much, but next month, I swear, we'll be out and about hiking (no running) a few times a week. You're adorable in it, with your little feet kicked up on the snack tray, your water bottle cozied up next to your belly. And you're pointing out everything you see now, a car, an autobus, cocos, puppy's babies... I love it.
Baby, considering the circumstances, my wish for you this month is that when you grow up, if you decide to have kids (after college, and a house, and a loving partner have been secured) I hope you don't have morning sickness. And if you do, I hope it isn't too severe, and that it's limited to one part of the day, not all day long like Mama's. And I hope your loving partner is as fantastic as your Papa has been, cooking and letting me sleep for hours on end... in the middle of the day.
Only two more months and you'll be two! I'm planning your birthday already. And Sweetie, I really loved when you called me Mommy. What's up with the Mama again now?
I love you.
Mama
Sweetie, I wish I could write a nice long letter to you, but this morning sickness caused by your little brother (I think...we'll see) is kicking my butt. I feel awful, and I know this may just be the first of many reasons you'll ask me to return it once it's here, but you have been a doll for Mama when I'm sick, giving me the biggest hugs and kisses, and brushing my hair for me.
You have also been into destroying the house too, dumping piles of everything everywhere, and to be honest, I'm just too tired to keep cleaning so the house is a mess. But I think it's fun for you, like an obstacle course or something. Plus, you keep finding random Cheerios on the ground and hold it up proudly yelling, "Cheerio!" (or maybe cereal, they sort of sound the same out of your mouth) and you pop it in before I can dive off the couch to grab it from you.
We got you a new "car" too, your jogging stroller that you love riding in, though I have unfortunately been too sick and tired to take you out much, but next month, I swear, we'll be out and about hiking (no running) a few times a week. You're adorable in it, with your little feet kicked up on the snack tray, your water bottle cozied up next to your belly. And you're pointing out everything you see now, a car, an autobus, cocos, puppy's babies... I love it.
Baby, considering the circumstances, my wish for you this month is that when you grow up, if you decide to have kids (after college, and a house, and a loving partner have been secured) I hope you don't have morning sickness. And if you do, I hope it isn't too severe, and that it's limited to one part of the day, not all day long like Mama's. And I hope your loving partner is as fantastic as your Papa has been, cooking and letting me sleep for hours on end... in the middle of the day.
Only two more months and you'll be two! I'm planning your birthday already. And Sweetie, I really loved when you called me Mommy. What's up with the Mama again now?
I love you.
Mama
April 11, 2008
Morning Sickness Sucks
Especially when it's not limited to the morning hours.
But, I am grateful for some sort of physical proof that I am actually knocked up, since I haven't seen the little booger, or heard it's heartbeat yet. And the Doc said if you have morning sickness, you are much less likely to miscarry, so for that, I am very grateful.
But, I am grateful for some sort of physical proof that I am actually knocked up, since I haven't seen the little booger, or heard it's heartbeat yet. And the Doc said if you have morning sickness, you are much less likely to miscarry, so for that, I am very grateful.
Yoo-hoo! Universe? Are you listening?
I've wondered a lot if a person can be unlucky, or just lacking luck? I don't want to call myself unlucky, tradjedy does not befall me at every step, and I'm thankful every day for the health and safety of me and my family and friends... BUT.
I am most definitely lacking in the luck department.
I still haven't won anything. Remember November 2006? Six months after my daughter was born, and I managed, even through traveling to the Appalachians, to post every single day in that month on this blog. I know you remember, right? You may also recall that I won! I won a prize! And then let's also recall the fact that my prize was never mailed to me. Ever.
And the crappy-est part is that I'm surrounded by people who are receiving massive blessings-in-disguise and money. Money, you hear? That's what I'm wating for. To my pals who burned down thier kitchen and got a complete remodel and the rest of the house painted for $1000? I'm happy for you. And Tere and P who each had/will have 4 month paid severace (aka vacation) plus unemployment to look for a new job, that's awesome. And Mom, I'm sorry your car got totalled, but damn! That was a nice check they gave you for a new one!
So now I ask: what about me? Mr./Ms. Universe, I'm totally waiting here. I would love a new car, or a paid vacation (and no, maternity leave does not count because I'm only paid for half, and it is faaaar from a vacation), or even just a nice chunk of change because.... well, because I'm me. And I think that I deserve something nice once in a while. Something that I didn't buy for myself, or ask P to buy for me.
The last thing I remember winning was Dumbo and Cinderella VHS's at Disneyland. When I was like 7. And it was my mom's winning ticket she gave to me, not even mine. And karma? Dude, I've been totally beng nice to people, letting them merge in front of me, and helping little old ladies cross the street... Okay, not that last one, but I always say hi to the old lady next door and bring her cookies when I bake.
So please? Can I get something for nothing? Or something BIG for verry little?
Sincerely,
Aletta C
I am most definitely lacking in the luck department.
I still haven't won anything. Remember November 2006? Six months after my daughter was born, and I managed, even through traveling to the Appalachians, to post every single day in that month on this blog. I know you remember, right? You may also recall that I won! I won a prize! And then let's also recall the fact that my prize was never mailed to me. Ever.
And the crappy-est part is that I'm surrounded by people who are receiving massive blessings-in-disguise and money. Money, you hear? That's what I'm wating for. To my pals who burned down thier kitchen and got a complete remodel and the rest of the house painted for $1000? I'm happy for you. And Tere and P who each had/will have 4 month paid severace (aka vacation) plus unemployment to look for a new job, that's awesome. And Mom, I'm sorry your car got totalled, but damn! That was a nice check they gave you for a new one!
So now I ask: what about me? Mr./Ms. Universe, I'm totally waiting here. I would love a new car, or a paid vacation (and no, maternity leave does not count because I'm only paid for half, and it is faaaar from a vacation), or even just a nice chunk of change because.... well, because I'm me. And I think that I deserve something nice once in a while. Something that I didn't buy for myself, or ask P to buy for me.
The last thing I remember winning was Dumbo and Cinderella VHS's at Disneyland. When I was like 7. And it was my mom's winning ticket she gave to me, not even mine. And karma? Dude, I've been totally beng nice to people, letting them merge in front of me, and helping little old ladies cross the street... Okay, not that last one, but I always say hi to the old lady next door and bring her cookies when I bake.
So please? Can I get something for nothing? Or something BIG for verry little?
Sincerely,
Aletta C
April 8, 2008
To Help Me Remember Loving Guidance
I was having a conversation with myself this morning (nothing new there) trying to figure out why I thought that I am a good mom. The phrase that kept running through my mind was "She's happy, healthy, and I love spending time with her." Nothing else.
I couldn't quantify the things that I do for her, putting her needs in front of my own, the money spent or any other countable list of perks she enjoys by having me in her life. And it's not that I don't, but from various conversations and articles read in the last week, and contemplations on how the heck we are going to make it all work with 2, I don't think those material things or self-sacrafice necessarily make a person a good parent. They definitely come along with the job, but I judge myself as a parent based on how my daughter lives in the world. If she's thriving, that means I'm doing a good job.
When I was pregnant with Taryn, I think a lot of people probably questioned my ability to take care of another person. I wasn't the mother hen of the group, and while I enjoyed my friends' kids, there would come a point when I just had enough. And it's funny, because I still feel that way about other people's kids, sometimes I just don't want to hear them anymore, but I don't with Taryn. I think that's a fault many parents have, excusing their own child's annoying habits and attacking other parents when their kid does the same thing, but I've striven to help Taryn be a child that people like to be around.
Some people are rude and call her a brat, but those people have unrealistic expectations for a toddler. Some people have issues with some of her more agggressive actions because they don't realize that it's developmentally appropriate and they don't see their children taking equally aggressive actions towards her. And then there are other people, like my brother Jeff, who simply adores her. And even though I think he expects a lot from her, I see her rising to those expectations and becoming an even more engaging, charming, intelligent, manually dexterous little girl because she has loving guidance in her life.
And I realized that having expectations for your child, helping him or her to become a good person, caring enough to tell her when she's doing something wrong, teaching him how to act around other people, these are all major parts of being a good parent. It isn't enough to give them what they want, to make sure you have enough toys and a fully-funded college education. It isn't enough to have your kid decked out in brand-name clothes and doing tons of extra curricular activities.
I think I'm a good parent because I'm trying to instill values in my daughter, to teach her an honorable way to live, how to express herself without hitting or biting, to listen to someone of authority when they tell her not to run in the street, to love books, and foster her creativity and teach her to be compassionate towards others and be kind to animals. To generally be a good person. That's what I want for her, and that is what I am actively teaching her. And I try to surround her with people who will continue that teaching with her and show her other ways of living and new foods and meet new and interesting people.
I couldn't quantify the things that I do for her, putting her needs in front of my own, the money spent or any other countable list of perks she enjoys by having me in her life. And it's not that I don't, but from various conversations and articles read in the last week, and contemplations on how the heck we are going to make it all work with 2, I don't think those material things or self-sacrafice necessarily make a person a good parent. They definitely come along with the job, but I judge myself as a parent based on how my daughter lives in the world. If she's thriving, that means I'm doing a good job.
When I was pregnant with Taryn, I think a lot of people probably questioned my ability to take care of another person. I wasn't the mother hen of the group, and while I enjoyed my friends' kids, there would come a point when I just had enough. And it's funny, because I still feel that way about other people's kids, sometimes I just don't want to hear them anymore, but I don't with Taryn. I think that's a fault many parents have, excusing their own child's annoying habits and attacking other parents when their kid does the same thing, but I've striven to help Taryn be a child that people like to be around.
Some people are rude and call her a brat, but those people have unrealistic expectations for a toddler. Some people have issues with some of her more agggressive actions because they don't realize that it's developmentally appropriate and they don't see their children taking equally aggressive actions towards her. And then there are other people, like my brother Jeff, who simply adores her. And even though I think he expects a lot from her, I see her rising to those expectations and becoming an even more engaging, charming, intelligent, manually dexterous little girl because she has loving guidance in her life.
And I realized that having expectations for your child, helping him or her to become a good person, caring enough to tell her when she's doing something wrong, teaching him how to act around other people, these are all major parts of being a good parent. It isn't enough to give them what they want, to make sure you have enough toys and a fully-funded college education. It isn't enough to have your kid decked out in brand-name clothes and doing tons of extra curricular activities.
I think I'm a good parent because I'm trying to instill values in my daughter, to teach her an honorable way to live, how to express herself without hitting or biting, to listen to someone of authority when they tell her not to run in the street, to love books, and foster her creativity and teach her to be compassionate towards others and be kind to animals. To generally be a good person. That's what I want for her, and that is what I am actively teaching her. And I try to surround her with people who will continue that teaching with her and show her other ways of living and new foods and meet new and interesting people.
April 7, 2008
She's Totally Cool with Scissors by Her Face
We took Boogie to get her hair cut this weekend. For the first time. I thought she wa going to freak out, having a stranger put a sharp object that close to her face, but she didn't seem to mind at all. She watched the scissors for a few seconds, then just looked down at her smock and watched the hair tumbledown the plastic. I kept a handful for her baby book, and we took a lot of pictures with our phones to capture the scene because it was a spur-of-the-moment stop at Super Cuts.
Next tinme though, we are going to take her to a real hairstylist (for kids) because this woman cut her hair super short in the back, and P was pissed when we left because he said she looks like a boy again. But Boogie was funny, because this morning before I brought her down to Jojo, she grabbed a ski hat and refused to take it off to she her hair off! I think it's cute though, she looks like a little pixie.
After Super Cuts we brought her over to the Farmer's Market and she got to ride her first pony! She had a death grip on the rope and her knuckles were turning white she was holding it so tightly. She seems to have fun though, she was smiling and petting the pony's neck, and the guy leading it took us around a few extra times, so she got a nice long ride.
Next tinme though, we are going to take her to a real hairstylist (for kids) because this woman cut her hair super short in the back, and P was pissed when we left because he said she looks like a boy again. But Boogie was funny, because this morning before I brought her down to Jojo, she grabbed a ski hat and refused to take it off to she her hair off! I think it's cute though, she looks like a little pixie.
After Super Cuts we brought her over to the Farmer's Market and she got to ride her first pony! She had a death grip on the rope and her knuckles were turning white she was holding it so tightly. She seems to have fun though, she was smiling and petting the pony's neck, and the guy leading it took us around a few extra times, so she got a nice long ride.
April 2, 2008
Why I Need a Female OB This Time Around
So when I went to the Doc yesterday and asked what I can do about morning sickness, and he said not to force myself to eat solids. It's fine it I could only keep liquids down because...
"You have enough reserves to last the first couple of months."
Nice.
"You have enough reserves to last the first couple of months."
Nice.
March 27, 2008
Not Up for Negotiation
Yep, that's what I told P last night. He made some smarmy comment about my disappointment that I wasn't pregnant this cycle, some BS that I was sad because that was my one chance to trick him into having another one.
So I simply told him that I am having another baby, with him, and he needs to get used to the idea, because I'm not asking permission, and it's not up for negotiation.
Ha. Bet he didn't see that one coming. And yes, that is exactly what I told him, practically word for word.
The funny thing was, once I said it and we talked some more about why he was still hesitant and why I wanted so badly to have another baby so soon, he almost seemed relieved that I had very concrete reasons for my decision (yay Blogger!) and my mind was made up. He even said he'd be happy to have twins, because then he'd know I wouldn't want anymore after that.
(We'll see...)
There are very few things in our marriage that I am absolutely set on, refuse to budge, and make my opinions very super-clear. This is one of them. I choose my battles knowing that I can't get what I want every time, so I stick to what is important to me and in the long run, I know he will be happy that we did it this way.
We were talking about all the places we wanted to travel to, bemoaning the fact that we won't be able to go for many years, but it will be so much more special to be able to share it with our kids. Spain, Italy, South Africa, Alaska, England, India, Thailand, New York.
I can't wait to be 30! Hehehe.
So I simply told him that I am having another baby, with him, and he needs to get used to the idea, because I'm not asking permission, and it's not up for negotiation.
Ha. Bet he didn't see that one coming. And yes, that is exactly what I told him, practically word for word.
The funny thing was, once I said it and we talked some more about why he was still hesitant and why I wanted so badly to have another baby so soon, he almost seemed relieved that I had very concrete reasons for my decision (yay Blogger!) and my mind was made up. He even said he'd be happy to have twins, because then he'd know I wouldn't want anymore after that.
(We'll see...)
There are very few things in our marriage that I am absolutely set on, refuse to budge, and make my opinions very super-clear. This is one of them. I choose my battles knowing that I can't get what I want every time, so I stick to what is important to me and in the long run, I know he will be happy that we did it this way.
We were talking about all the places we wanted to travel to, bemoaning the fact that we won't be able to go for many years, but it will be so much more special to be able to share it with our kids. Spain, Italy, South Africa, Alaska, England, India, Thailand, New York.
I can't wait to be 30! Hehehe.
March 26, 2008
Babies on the Brain
Okay, okay. I'll have time to obsess about babies when I'm pregnant next time. In the words of a friend yesterday, "Why are you rushing it?"
So here are my top 10 reasons I want to be pregnant by Summer:
1. Energy. I just don't see myself as a 30-something running around after a toddler.
2. Spacing. If the next one is less than 3 years younger than Boogie, they have a better chance of being friends, getting to play together, and growing up together. I don't want one kid leaving high school before the other one is out of middle.
3. Sleep. I'm lacking sleep now, not quite deprived, but I'd rather not get used to full nights of sleep, then go back to getting up every few hours to nurse.
4. Money. Yep, we're pretty much broke right now. I don't really want to get used to having money again, then shelling out thousands of dollars per year for child care, diapers and toys again later.
5. Jojo. The girl is going to grow up one day and want to get married. I told her she can't leave until I have anoter baby, and both kids are in school, at least part time, so see? I'm trying to help her out too.
6. Body. I'm so not motivated to get in shape when I know I might gain 40 pounds by the end of the year. Better to pop them all out in a row, then get my ass in shape.
7. Space. Two kids close in age, even opposite genders, can share a room. I'm not going to be cruel and make my 10 year old daughter share a room with her 5 year old brother. I could, but that would suck for both of them.
8. Marriage. Having a young child is a strain on my realtionship with P. I'd hate to drag that out over years and years.
9. Travel. I'm dying to take trips with my kids, show them all the amazing things the world has to offer, but I'm not doing it with little babies. I want them to be old enough to somewhat appreciate the different cultures, to be able to go more than 5 hours wihtout a nap, if needed, to be out of diapers so I'm not lugging a pound of wipies wherever we go.
10. Mood. I love being a Mommy. I loved being pregnant. Two will be harder than one, but I know the good outweighs the bad, and I'm willing to sacrafice my social life, partying, cute shoes, etc, to be a Mommy a second time around.
The more I think about it, the better I think it is to have them close in age. I'm good with consistency. If I consistently don't sleep, don't have a clean house, and don't have money, I'm fine with that. But going from one extreme to the other, then back and forth a bit is too much for me, I think. We all choose to do it differently, but I'm glad I started young, and I hope to be finished by the time I'm 30.
So here are my top 10 reasons I want to be pregnant by Summer:
1. Energy. I just don't see myself as a 30-something running around after a toddler.
2. Spacing. If the next one is less than 3 years younger than Boogie, they have a better chance of being friends, getting to play together, and growing up together. I don't want one kid leaving high school before the other one is out of middle.
3. Sleep. I'm lacking sleep now, not quite deprived, but I'd rather not get used to full nights of sleep, then go back to getting up every few hours to nurse.
4. Money. Yep, we're pretty much broke right now. I don't really want to get used to having money again, then shelling out thousands of dollars per year for child care, diapers and toys again later.
5. Jojo. The girl is going to grow up one day and want to get married. I told her she can't leave until I have anoter baby, and both kids are in school, at least part time, so see? I'm trying to help her out too.
6. Body. I'm so not motivated to get in shape when I know I might gain 40 pounds by the end of the year. Better to pop them all out in a row, then get my ass in shape.
7. Space. Two kids close in age, even opposite genders, can share a room. I'm not going to be cruel and make my 10 year old daughter share a room with her 5 year old brother. I could, but that would suck for both of them.
8. Marriage. Having a young child is a strain on my realtionship with P. I'd hate to drag that out over years and years.
9. Travel. I'm dying to take trips with my kids, show them all the amazing things the world has to offer, but I'm not doing it with little babies. I want them to be old enough to somewhat appreciate the different cultures, to be able to go more than 5 hours wihtout a nap, if needed, to be out of diapers so I'm not lugging a pound of wipies wherever we go.
10. Mood. I love being a Mommy. I loved being pregnant. Two will be harder than one, but I know the good outweighs the bad, and I'm willing to sacrafice my social life, partying, cute shoes, etc, to be a Mommy a second time around.
The more I think about it, the better I think it is to have them close in age. I'm good with consistency. If I consistently don't sleep, don't have a clean house, and don't have money, I'm fine with that. But going from one extreme to the other, then back and forth a bit is too much for me, I think. We all choose to do it differently, but I'm glad I started young, and I hope to be finished by the time I'm 30.
March 25, 2008
Where I Ramble Emotionally About Marriage
I don't know how to wrap my head around the feelings I have when a couple splits up. Part of it is fear, how can P and I expect to maintain a marriage if they couldn't do it? Part of it is worry, because what if they are making a mistake? Did they go to therapy? Did they try hard enough to work it out?
And part of it is envy. To be willing to do something like that to make each other happier. I don't think P and I are mature enough for that.
I'm not talking about envy in the sense that I wish I were single, I can't imagine having to deal with the BS of dating again, of searching, waiting, and in the end having the same issues that we have now. I like the routine we have in our lives, I like the challenge of breaking out of that routine every once in a while to do something exciting, but then to be able to fall back into the comfort of a long-term relationship.
But I envy valuing myself enough to take that plunge into the unknown (though for this particular couple, who were married later in life and already knew the single life, I guess it's not really unknown), to give up so much that I had worked for in the last few years to start over, hoping for something better. I don't doubt that they still love each other, but it wasn't working, and they decided to call it quits.
At times I have thought it would be easier to be single, to do it alone, and do it my way, but I'm willing to sacrafice control in order to maintain what we've built together. The rough times have thus far been temporary. Yes, there are lingering issues, but when I took my vows I meant them. I'm not giving up without a fight.
In the larger context, I think that a lot of people are giving up too soon. This isn't a judgement, because there is no way I will ever know all the dynamics of the relationship, I can never know all the bits and pieces they brought to their union, and how hard they fought to make it work. I do know that a lot more people are getting divorced now compared to 30 years ago. I do know a lot of children are suffering the loss of a parent.
And I also know that the divorce process is easier than trying to work it out.
But I'm bummed out. I never saw it coming. I thought they were one of those quirky couples who, although very different from each other, they were madly in love after all these years, and they were going to stay together forever. I keep coming back to it in my mind. All week it's beein weighing on me, and not just this couple, but others as well, it's like a wave crashing over us and some couples are being washed apart by it.
And I wonder how deep P and I's roots are, what our foundation has been built on that has held us steady for so long. What would be the stressor that breaks us? Our marriage is riddled in conflict, but somehow we've been able to get past the obstacles. Us. Both children of divorce. Is it our pasts that make us unwilling to give up the fight? Is it Boogie that softens us to change? What the hell is it that casuses some people to divorce, and others to stuck together?
What is it?
And part of it is envy. To be willing to do something like that to make each other happier. I don't think P and I are mature enough for that.
I'm not talking about envy in the sense that I wish I were single, I can't imagine having to deal with the BS of dating again, of searching, waiting, and in the end having the same issues that we have now. I like the routine we have in our lives, I like the challenge of breaking out of that routine every once in a while to do something exciting, but then to be able to fall back into the comfort of a long-term relationship.
But I envy valuing myself enough to take that plunge into the unknown (though for this particular couple, who were married later in life and already knew the single life, I guess it's not really unknown), to give up so much that I had worked for in the last few years to start over, hoping for something better. I don't doubt that they still love each other, but it wasn't working, and they decided to call it quits.
At times I have thought it would be easier to be single, to do it alone, and do it my way, but I'm willing to sacrafice control in order to maintain what we've built together. The rough times have thus far been temporary. Yes, there are lingering issues, but when I took my vows I meant them. I'm not giving up without a fight.
In the larger context, I think that a lot of people are giving up too soon. This isn't a judgement, because there is no way I will ever know all the dynamics of the relationship, I can never know all the bits and pieces they brought to their union, and how hard they fought to make it work. I do know that a lot more people are getting divorced now compared to 30 years ago. I do know a lot of children are suffering the loss of a parent.
And I also know that the divorce process is easier than trying to work it out.
But I'm bummed out. I never saw it coming. I thought they were one of those quirky couples who, although very different from each other, they were madly in love after all these years, and they were going to stay together forever. I keep coming back to it in my mind. All week it's beein weighing on me, and not just this couple, but others as well, it's like a wave crashing over us and some couples are being washed apart by it.
And I wonder how deep P and I's roots are, what our foundation has been built on that has held us steady for so long. What would be the stressor that breaks us? Our marriage is riddled in conflict, but somehow we've been able to get past the obstacles. Us. Both children of divorce. Is it our pasts that make us unwilling to give up the fight? Is it Boogie that softens us to change? What the hell is it that casuses some people to divorce, and others to stuck together?
What is it?
March 21, 2008
Have You Seen My Evil Twin?
I don't know her name, but she's dying to get an ultra-modern short haircut, paints her nails blood red, wears plunging necklines, and drives a new car.
I'm worried her thoughts are polluting my mind.
Help.
I can't afford her!
I'm worried her thoughts are polluting my mind.
Help.
I can't afford her!
T plus 36 hours
So yeah, it's been a day and a half since we cut Boogie off the boob, and all is well.
I was sort of dreading last night, thinking that she'd be begging for it, and then I'd have to get another bra smelling like vinegar, but as we were downstairs finishing up her oatmeal (goodness...oatmeal has become the bane of my mornings) she looked at me quite slyly and said:
"Mommy, chichi. Ouchie. Noni"
And gave me a kiss on the boob, then grabbed her Good Night Moon, pointed upstairs and said, "Go."
So, no requests. And we're doing okay. I'm a little uncomfortable, but a year ago, I would have been in agony going this long without nursing. And yay! I have pre-baby boobs right now! I don't know how long they will last, but I'm thinking of going to the beach or something if the weather gets above 65 this weekend.
And! She slept through the night. SHe was up for oatmeal, which is the next big hurdle to jump, but we're okay with the weaning. I don't feel too sad, more liberated than anuthing, and though I'll probably miss ir soon, I feel good that we lasted this long, and I'm glad she's okay giving it up too.
I was sort of dreading last night, thinking that she'd be begging for it, and then I'd have to get another bra smelling like vinegar, but as we were downstairs finishing up her oatmeal (goodness...oatmeal has become the bane of my mornings) she looked at me quite slyly and said:
"Mommy, chichi. Ouchie. Noni"
And gave me a kiss on the boob, then grabbed her Good Night Moon, pointed upstairs and said, "Go."
So, no requests. And we're doing okay. I'm a little uncomfortable, but a year ago, I would have been in agony going this long without nursing. And yay! I have pre-baby boobs right now! I don't know how long they will last, but I'm thinking of going to the beach or something if the weather gets above 65 this weekend.
And! She slept through the night. SHe was up for oatmeal, which is the next big hurdle to jump, but we're okay with the weaning. I don't feel too sad, more liberated than anuthing, and though I'll probably miss ir soon, I feel good that we lasted this long, and I'm glad she's okay giving it up too.
March 20, 2008
Month Twenty-One
Sweetpea, do you know what you have driven me to? Vinegar. On the goodies, capice? Last night, I decided that you've had run of the boobs long enough. For the last thirty months, you have controlled what I've eaten, drank, how much I slept, and when I can shower. But Love, no more.
I expected screaming, tears, pinching, kicking, a full-blown hissy when you realized no more chi-chi. But the truth? You didn't seem to mind much. I tried apple cider vinegar first, hoping not to shock to much more awake than you already were, but I guess it's on the sweeter end of the spectrum, and after an initial look of surprise, you kept on nursing. So then we went with red wine vinegar, and after one small tatse, you simply said "No chi-chi."
Then I told you that Mommy's chi-chi's had an ouchie, and no more milk, so you gave one a kiss, and asked for oatmeal. And that was the end of it.
Ohmigod.
I think we were both ready. You wanted to nurse for hours, presumably because you can't squeeze blood from a rock (but you don't know that yet) and after months of two to three times a day, there just wan't much left. The well has run dry, and Mommy is ready to get a tattoo.
So that was yesterday. The rest of the month? Talking. And jumpin. You had already started saying your two word combos a few months ago, mostly things like "Puppies, NO!" and "Agua, please" and "Mas chi-chi," and in the past week or so you've really started expanding your sentence repertoire. Now we her things like, "Mas cheese, please" and "You move aca" or "Please, oca (outside) coco (bird)." My favorite? "Sorry (sign language), no bite." Plus a kiss. How could I not forgive you for taking a chunk out of my shoulder?
And it takes me a minute to figure out what you are syaing sometimes, because Honey, you speak 3 different languages, plus throw in some signs and I'm just not on the up and up with everything that you know. I'm old, and slow, and you're just way too quick for me.
I also got you a chair booster, so you can sit at the table with us to eat. You had a pillow on a chiar for a few weeks, but kept sliding around, or getting stuck, and the pillow was nasty from the food dropping on it, so I figured this was the best way to go. It's fun, it traps your legs under the table and you can't push back from the table anymore to stand up and look out the window. Score!
You also went to your first wedding a few weeks ago, and had a blast chowing down, being passed from aunt to tio to cousin, playihgn with the kids, dancing "conga
like your Papa taught you on the bed, and finally passing out into a deep slumber hours past your normal bedtime. You were a hit, everyone talked about how well behaved you were, how adorable, and sweet, and even when you baurned your finger on a standing heater, you barely cried after we put a cold beer on it.
We're not bad parents, Jojo's friend was holding you when you got burned, and you kept trying to eat the ice we put on your finger first, and the only other available cold item was beer. It's called Make-Do Parenting.
In the store the other day, you were picking up Easter baskets and handign them out to the customers walking by in the store. You're getting over the stranger danger phase, though you are still a bit hesitant in new situations, you will now approach strangers, let people you haven't seen in a while hold you, and kiss random babies.
So my wish for you this month Angel, is that you always find a baby to kiss when you need one. It's such a lift, teh sweet smell, and innocent face. I hope you become someone to loves kids and isn't afraid to show your affection, because it'a appreciated by those aorund you.
I love you,
Mommy.
I expected screaming, tears, pinching, kicking, a full-blown hissy when you realized no more chi-chi. But the truth? You didn't seem to mind much. I tried apple cider vinegar first, hoping not to shock to much more awake than you already were, but I guess it's on the sweeter end of the spectrum, and after an initial look of surprise, you kept on nursing. So then we went with red wine vinegar, and after one small tatse, you simply said "No chi-chi."
Then I told you that Mommy's chi-chi's had an ouchie, and no more milk, so you gave one a kiss, and asked for oatmeal. And that was the end of it.
Ohmigod.
I think we were both ready. You wanted to nurse for hours, presumably because you can't squeeze blood from a rock (but you don't know that yet) and after months of two to three times a day, there just wan't much left. The well has run dry, and Mommy is ready to get a tattoo.
So that was yesterday. The rest of the month? Talking. And jumpin. You had already started saying your two word combos a few months ago, mostly things like "Puppies, NO!" and "Agua, please" and "Mas chi-chi," and in the past week or so you've really started expanding your sentence repertoire. Now we her things like, "Mas cheese, please" and "You move aca" or "Please, oca (outside) coco (bird)." My favorite? "Sorry (sign language), no bite." Plus a kiss. How could I not forgive you for taking a chunk out of my shoulder?
And it takes me a minute to figure out what you are syaing sometimes, because Honey, you speak 3 different languages, plus throw in some signs and I'm just not on the up and up with everything that you know. I'm old, and slow, and you're just way too quick for me.
I also got you a chair booster, so you can sit at the table with us to eat. You had a pillow on a chiar for a few weeks, but kept sliding around, or getting stuck, and the pillow was nasty from the food dropping on it, so I figured this was the best way to go. It's fun, it traps your legs under the table and you can't push back from the table anymore to stand up and look out the window. Score!
You also went to your first wedding a few weeks ago, and had a blast chowing down, being passed from aunt to tio to cousin, playihgn with the kids, dancing "conga
like your Papa taught you on the bed, and finally passing out into a deep slumber hours past your normal bedtime. You were a hit, everyone talked about how well behaved you were, how adorable, and sweet, and even when you baurned your finger on a standing heater, you barely cried after we put a cold beer on it.
We're not bad parents, Jojo's friend was holding you when you got burned, and you kept trying to eat the ice we put on your finger first, and the only other available cold item was beer. It's called Make-Do Parenting.
In the store the other day, you were picking up Easter baskets and handign them out to the customers walking by in the store. You're getting over the stranger danger phase, though you are still a bit hesitant in new situations, you will now approach strangers, let people you haven't seen in a while hold you, and kiss random babies.
So my wish for you this month Angel, is that you always find a baby to kiss when you need one. It's such a lift, teh sweet smell, and innocent face. I hope you become someone to loves kids and isn't afraid to show your affection, because it'a appreciated by those aorund you.
I love you,
Mommy.
March 18, 2008
Hairless
P shaved his goatee and mustache off the other night. Ever since, Boogie has been saying "ouchie" whenever she sees him, and kisses his chin like he hurt himself.
Sappy Anniversary Blog
Yep, it's been six years, and I've sort of exhausted all those lovely "how we met" stories and "why I love him so much" raves.
Can you tell? It's a few days past the big day, and I'm just now getting around to writing about it. Our night was mediocre, we had dinner at a place with great food, but crappy service. He did buy me my favorite perfume, Issey Miyake, and bought himself the men's version because he knows I love it.
I guess after six years, it's the little things that make all the difference. It's the BBQ when I'm dying for smoking carcinogenic goodness, and staying up with me until 1am to watch a dumb movie when he's exhausted and has to work the next morning.
It's waking up at 3am to feed Boogie her oatmeal and put her back to sleep, so that I can get my 8 hours of (mostly) uninterrupted sleep.
It's agreeing to have another baby, although he dreads the idea of more sleepless nights, food battles, and early mornings. Because he knows nothing else in the world makes me as happy as seeing our beautiful baby girl.
After six years of marriage, we're still figuring things out. At 18, I had no idea that it would be this hard, that it would take this much work, that I could be completely miserable one night, and maniacally joyful the next morning.
But I am. We are. And I'm glad we chose each other to learn from.
Happy Belated Anniversary, Punkin.
Can you tell? It's a few days past the big day, and I'm just now getting around to writing about it. Our night was mediocre, we had dinner at a place with great food, but crappy service. He did buy me my favorite perfume, Issey Miyake, and bought himself the men's version because he knows I love it.
I guess after six years, it's the little things that make all the difference. It's the BBQ when I'm dying for smoking carcinogenic goodness, and staying up with me until 1am to watch a dumb movie when he's exhausted and has to work the next morning.
It's waking up at 3am to feed Boogie her oatmeal and put her back to sleep, so that I can get my 8 hours of (mostly) uninterrupted sleep.
It's agreeing to have another baby, although he dreads the idea of more sleepless nights, food battles, and early mornings. Because he knows nothing else in the world makes me as happy as seeing our beautiful baby girl.
After six years of marriage, we're still figuring things out. At 18, I had no idea that it would be this hard, that it would take this much work, that I could be completely miserable one night, and maniacally joyful the next morning.
But I am. We are. And I'm glad we chose each other to learn from.
Happy Belated Anniversary, Punkin.
March 17, 2008
On Friendship
Sometimes you grow apart as friends, and there is an awkward period while you redefine the relationship. If things go well, if we are okay with change, we come out on top with a relationship just as strong, or stronger, than the one we started with.
Some people start out not wanting to be friends, and somewhere along the road realize that we have a lot in common, that we can learn from each other, and grow into a natural comfort with each other.
And some other times, no matter how much you want it to work, it just doesn't. Some times we want different things. Sometimes I can't make the commitment to nurture another friendship, and sometimes I don't feel like I'm getting enough in return for the effort I'm expending. Often I feel like the one waiting to be granted admittance to this exclusive club, to become a friend, rather than just an acquaintance, but I'm not okay waiting anymore, so I give up and stop trying, and the friendship melts into a fond memory of the past.
Whatever path it takes, I'm learning to be okay with it, rather than fight for what I want, I'm trying to allow it to happen as it is meant to be. It's hard to let go of what I want, but sometimes it's not what's best for me.
Some people start out not wanting to be friends, and somewhere along the road realize that we have a lot in common, that we can learn from each other, and grow into a natural comfort with each other.
And some other times, no matter how much you want it to work, it just doesn't. Some times we want different things. Sometimes I can't make the commitment to nurture another friendship, and sometimes I don't feel like I'm getting enough in return for the effort I'm expending. Often I feel like the one waiting to be granted admittance to this exclusive club, to become a friend, rather than just an acquaintance, but I'm not okay waiting anymore, so I give up and stop trying, and the friendship melts into a fond memory of the past.
Whatever path it takes, I'm learning to be okay with it, rather than fight for what I want, I'm trying to allow it to happen as it is meant to be. It's hard to let go of what I want, but sometimes it's not what's best for me.
March 13, 2008
Terible Two's in FULL EFFECT
Oh my Sweet Jesus. If I said 10 things to Boogie this morning, 8 were "NO!" Sprinkled of course with a few, "Don't play with that, please" and a "Where did you find that?"
Another phrase getting more and more common is "Don't climb on that [...] or else..." as in "Don't climb on that bookshelf or else you're going to fall and break your neck" or "Don't climb on that dog or else he's going to bite you again."
I'm exhausted. I think maybe it would be more bearable if it didn't start at 5am. After a 1:30 am alarm clock of "MAMA! OATMEAL!" And just for right now, I can't think of having two kids. Prayers are oozing out my brain that she'll be over this whole testing limits thing by the time I have another one. And that I'll learn a better way of handling it.
Which normally, I think I'm pretty patient, good at re-directing and finding things she can explore, rather than just saying NO to everyting. But it's hard to get ready in the morning and watch a toddler without any help. At. All.
But. I also know that I'm being tested right now, by both P and Boogie, and I need to stay firm, set limits, and redirect both of them to acceptable activities. It's short term, at least in the sense that this particular phase for both will end sometime, probably right when I get the hang of dealing with them, and then I'll be presented with a new challenge.
Such is life.
I'm off to research how to get this kid off the boob, and to sleep in later than 5:30am.
Another phrase getting more and more common is "Don't climb on that [...] or else..." as in "Don't climb on that bookshelf or else you're going to fall and break your neck" or "Don't climb on that dog or else he's going to bite you again."
I'm exhausted. I think maybe it would be more bearable if it didn't start at 5am. After a 1:30 am alarm clock of "MAMA! OATMEAL!" And just for right now, I can't think of having two kids. Prayers are oozing out my brain that she'll be over this whole testing limits thing by the time I have another one. And that I'll learn a better way of handling it.
Which normally, I think I'm pretty patient, good at re-directing and finding things she can explore, rather than just saying NO to everyting. But it's hard to get ready in the morning and watch a toddler without any help. At. All.
But. I also know that I'm being tested right now, by both P and Boogie, and I need to stay firm, set limits, and redirect both of them to acceptable activities. It's short term, at least in the sense that this particular phase for both will end sometime, probably right when I get the hang of dealing with them, and then I'll be presented with a new challenge.
Such is life.
I'm off to research how to get this kid off the boob, and to sleep in later than 5:30am.
March 10, 2008
Just Like Papa
My husband has this weird thing about hair. If he finds one in his food at home, he'll dump the entire plate of food, instead of just scooping out the portion around it.
And then he'll serve himself more, and I don't exactly get it, because if he's so icked by hair (mine, or his, or the dogs') wouldn't the hair have infected the entire pot of food, and not just what was on his plate?
The thing that worries me is that lately Taryn has been having issues with hair too, mostly mine, but sometimes her own. In the bath, she sort-of starts freaking out if a hair is floating in her water, or gets stuck to her body. She does this "Eh-eh-eh" sound with the body part stuck out towards me until I find the offending hair and remove it from her sight.
She also does that in the car, if a hair is on her carseat she makes that same weird little sound and I have to figure out backwards in the rearview mirror where it is, and then get the bugger out the window.
Because if I drop it on the floor, or wipe it on my pants leg, she screams. A terrible, eardrum shattering screach and that banshee yell makes it physically impossible to drive, so not only and I frantically searching for the hair, I can't focus on where the car is heading. It's a recipe for disaster.
But I guess she hates peas too, which I blame on myself, so maybe the silver lining here is that she'll be plucking her own unibrow by 2nd grade, instead of me having to do it?
And then he'll serve himself more, and I don't exactly get it, because if he's so icked by hair (mine, or his, or the dogs') wouldn't the hair have infected the entire pot of food, and not just what was on his plate?
The thing that worries me is that lately Taryn has been having issues with hair too, mostly mine, but sometimes her own. In the bath, she sort-of starts freaking out if a hair is floating in her water, or gets stuck to her body. She does this "Eh-eh-eh" sound with the body part stuck out towards me until I find the offending hair and remove it from her sight.
She also does that in the car, if a hair is on her carseat she makes that same weird little sound and I have to figure out backwards in the rearview mirror where it is, and then get the bugger out the window.
Because if I drop it on the floor, or wipe it on my pants leg, she screams. A terrible, eardrum shattering screach and that banshee yell makes it physically impossible to drive, so not only and I frantically searching for the hair, I can't focus on where the car is heading. It's a recipe for disaster.
But I guess she hates peas too, which I blame on myself, so maybe the silver lining here is that she'll be plucking her own unibrow by 2nd grade, instead of me having to do it?
March 3, 2008
Weekend Update
Today I sneezed, and Taryn said "Bless You."
Well really, it was more like "beshhh booo" but I knew what she meant. What a smart girl.
And also, so now says picture, computer and okey-dokey.
She also won $12 playing Super Lotto on Saturday. More than I've ever won playing, so I hope she gets lucky and can fund her own college account because....
I'm officially addicted to Gymboree. At least the clearance racks. So FN adorable, I spent 2 weeks worth of grocery money on new clothes. So if Boogie and I *happen* to show up at your door around dinner time, now you know why.
Em. I think that's all. Except, whatever happened to the Weakest Link show? Replaced by 1 vs 100?
Well really, it was more like "beshhh booo" but I knew what she meant. What a smart girl.
And also, so now says picture, computer and okey-dokey.
She also won $12 playing Super Lotto on Saturday. More than I've ever won playing, so I hope she gets lucky and can fund her own college account because....
I'm officially addicted to Gymboree. At least the clearance racks. So FN adorable, I spent 2 weeks worth of grocery money on new clothes. So if Boogie and I *happen* to show up at your door around dinner time, now you know why.
Em. I think that's all. Except, whatever happened to the Weakest Link show? Replaced by 1 vs 100?
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