I walked out of the bathroom last night after taking a steaming shower with new, yummy smelling soap with some sort of exfoliator beads baked right in.
I hear Boogie singing her never-ending rendition of "Row Your Boat" with a bit of "ABC's" mixed in, so I peeked out the door.
P was standing in the hallway, shaking his booty to our daughter's song while ironing his shirts for work. She was laying belly-down in the bathtub 'swimming' and drawing pictures with her bath crayons, including a blue mustache on her own face.
It melted my heart, and I knew everything was right in my world at that moment.
October 31, 2008
October 29, 2008
Not a Single Original Thought
I think it's all been done before. I can't imagine a single action, thought, or experience in my life that hasn't happened to someone before me. After thousands of years of existence, there is nothing original in my life.
And it doesn't really bother me all that much.
I used to want to be different. I felt different and searched for things in my life to justify that feeling, and maybe it's having children, or being married, or just maturation, but I'm starting to feel like it's all been done before.
The individual pieces of our lives are interchangeable, we're never alone, and yet what makes us unique are all those pieces together, and the story of our entire lives that we've constructed with those basic building blocks. Like DNA, we all start with the same 'stuff' but how it is arranged, what came before and after and all those small details piled up is what makes us indiciduals.
I sometimes get stuck feeling as though no one understands me. I get tired trying to explain myself to other people, hoping for that glimmer of recongition so I can say, "Yes! That exactly." And not have to explain anymore. I've felt lately that people around me understand the point but not in the context of my life. I feel like I can relate on that one thing, but how it affects me based on past experiences is too far to reach. I feel like even though we have a lot in common, my history makes it impossible to ever be truly understood.
And that's okay. Because if someone ever understood me completely they might find out those things that I try to hide too. The lovely double edged sword.
I guess that in some parts of my life I feel like I'm going in circles. I'm reenacting the same conflicts and disappointments over and over, and I don't know how to jump off that dysfunctional hamster wheel. And people give me advice, and I understand (and often agree) but I can never explain all the small details and experiences to make someone understand that I can't just give up. There is too much history to give up.
So I hop back on the wheel, and run in place. But it's all been done before. Someone has worked it out in the past, and I have full confidence that one day I'll stumble on that path too, that it will be well trod by people before me and I can follow their footsteps for that time until I have myself straightened out, then I'll follow another path and see where it leads me.
And it doesn't really bother me all that much.
I used to want to be different. I felt different and searched for things in my life to justify that feeling, and maybe it's having children, or being married, or just maturation, but I'm starting to feel like it's all been done before.
The individual pieces of our lives are interchangeable, we're never alone, and yet what makes us unique are all those pieces together, and the story of our entire lives that we've constructed with those basic building blocks. Like DNA, we all start with the same 'stuff' but how it is arranged, what came before and after and all those small details piled up is what makes us indiciduals.
I sometimes get stuck feeling as though no one understands me. I get tired trying to explain myself to other people, hoping for that glimmer of recongition so I can say, "Yes! That exactly." And not have to explain anymore. I've felt lately that people around me understand the point but not in the context of my life. I feel like I can relate on that one thing, but how it affects me based on past experiences is too far to reach. I feel like even though we have a lot in common, my history makes it impossible to ever be truly understood.
And that's okay. Because if someone ever understood me completely they might find out those things that I try to hide too. The lovely double edged sword.
I guess that in some parts of my life I feel like I'm going in circles. I'm reenacting the same conflicts and disappointments over and over, and I don't know how to jump off that dysfunctional hamster wheel. And people give me advice, and I understand (and often agree) but I can never explain all the small details and experiences to make someone understand that I can't just give up. There is too much history to give up.
So I hop back on the wheel, and run in place. But it's all been done before. Someone has worked it out in the past, and I have full confidence that one day I'll stumble on that path too, that it will be well trod by people before me and I can follow their footsteps for that time until I have myself straightened out, then I'll follow another path and see where it leads me.
October 26, 2008
Almost Pee'd My Pants
I was fixing Boogie's hair this morning so P could take her out to get fish and pupusas. I feel like crap, otherwise I may have wanted to go, but my head was pounding and I but her bangs started doing this weird outward flip thing which made them stick straight out from her forehead.
P suggested we put a cold roller in her hair to curl them back under, but it wasn't staying so I told him to put some water on them so they'd keep that shape when they dried.
Next thing I know he's chasing her into the room with the iron.
Me: Babe! What the heck are you doing?
P: You told me to spray water on them!
And he corners her and starts spraying water from the iron onto her hair, soaking the top of her head and misting her entire face as well. I was laughing so hard I really almost lost it. I had to run to the restroom before Frogger kicked me and really made a mess.
But it did work. :)
P suggested we put a cold roller in her hair to curl them back under, but it wasn't staying so I told him to put some water on them so they'd keep that shape when they dried.
Next thing I know he's chasing her into the room with the iron.
Me: Babe! What the heck are you doing?
P: You told me to spray water on them!
And he corners her and starts spraying water from the iron onto her hair, soaking the top of her head and misting her entire face as well. I was laughing so hard I really almost lost it. I had to run to the restroom before Frogger kicked me and really made a mess.
But it did work. :)
October 22, 2008
Spot On and NatGEO
I'd been worrying about Taryn's sleep habits for a couple weeks now. She's quite consistent, but just not on an even similar schedule to any other kid I'm aware of. My little Angel sleeps 9p-8a at night, then a 2-3 hour nap in the afternoon. Sometimes she wants to nap 4 hours, but very rarely less than 2.5. So that makes about 14 average per day, and I didn't know if that was average or what.
Well, just read a WedMD article that said toddlers typically sleep 12-14 hours per day, so I guess she's doing fine. I have to say, though I can see the appeal of getting her to sleep earlier and having more of a break at night, I love that I get to see her for almost 4.5 hours after work, and I get to sleep in on the weekends.
Yes, waking up at 8am is sleeping in when your alarm is normally set for 5:45.
And ohmigoodness! P and I had quite a show on Saturday night.
I woke up around 12:45am to tinkle and heard a rustling noise outside and a low growl. I figured it was a cat or spazoid deer or something, so I looked out the window and literally 15 feet from me was a deer being stalked by 2 coyotes! The deer was backed up against the fence that separates our 'lawn' from the wilderness and the coyotes were doing figure 8's on either side getting closer and closer. I called to P who was dead asleep and the sound of my voice frightened the coyotes off a bit. We could tell the deer was injured so we makes some more hissing noises to scare them off, and one coyote ran up the hill, while the other one moved off about 30 feet but sat watching.
We went back to bed after a while, but for the next hour whenever we heard anything one of us would get up and look out the window with a flashlight and give the other an update. At some point P closed the window (I was knocked out, watching live nature shows really is exhausting) so we didn't get to see how it ended, but that deer was hardcore. He made a run for it at least once and got cornered and forced back down to the fence, but I think he made it in the end. I mean, if they could have taken him easily they would have, but he seemed smart enough and the coyotes were kind of wimpy.
So. I'm off the hook for walking the dogs in the early morning and at night, at least for a while. And the cat is grounded when the sun starts to go down.
Well, just read a WedMD article that said toddlers typically sleep 12-14 hours per day, so I guess she's doing fine. I have to say, though I can see the appeal of getting her to sleep earlier and having more of a break at night, I love that I get to see her for almost 4.5 hours after work, and I get to sleep in on the weekends.
Yes, waking up at 8am is sleeping in when your alarm is normally set for 5:45.
And ohmigoodness! P and I had quite a show on Saturday night.
I woke up around 12:45am to tinkle and heard a rustling noise outside and a low growl. I figured it was a cat or spazoid deer or something, so I looked out the window and literally 15 feet from me was a deer being stalked by 2 coyotes! The deer was backed up against the fence that separates our 'lawn' from the wilderness and the coyotes were doing figure 8's on either side getting closer and closer. I called to P who was dead asleep and the sound of my voice frightened the coyotes off a bit. We could tell the deer was injured so we makes some more hissing noises to scare them off, and one coyote ran up the hill, while the other one moved off about 30 feet but sat watching.
We went back to bed after a while, but for the next hour whenever we heard anything one of us would get up and look out the window with a flashlight and give the other an update. At some point P closed the window (I was knocked out, watching live nature shows really is exhausting) so we didn't get to see how it ended, but that deer was hardcore. He made a run for it at least once and got cornered and forced back down to the fence, but I think he made it in the end. I mean, if they could have taken him easily they would have, but he seemed smart enough and the coyotes were kind of wimpy.
So. I'm off the hook for walking the dogs in the early morning and at night, at least for a while. And the cat is grounded when the sun starts to go down.
October 21, 2008
Month Twenty-Eight
Oh Child, the things you say nowaday. Rather, the things you repeat, shock the bejeebus out of me sometimes. It's mostly cute things, like how you've picked up on my "Ummmm .... no" instead of just saying no, but you also started the habit of saying "Shhhhh! Baby sleeping!" when you are playing with your dolls and we are talking too loudly. I can only remember one time that you've been shushed when there was a sleeping baby at the house, but I guess it's good practice for when your baby sister is born.
Last month you were much more into singing and dancing together, but it seems like the last few weeks you've only wanted to really sing. And sing. And sing. You sing in the bathtub, in your carseat, when I get you up from a nap you are typically awake in your toddler bed singing to Osito or a baby doll. It's awesome how well you know the words to songs, how you can hum the tune of your favorites, and how after you sing Happy Birthday (or insert part of it into another song) you blow out imaginary candles.
Speaking of toddler bed, you transitioned amazingly well to it. The first week was a piece of cake, though the second week we did have to set some limits on geting out of bed and you cried a few times when I left you in there, but for the last couple weeks you are excited to go to sleep, and even when we read books at night you want to sit in your bed, propped up with pillows like Mama does, and turn the pages yourself. And the only way I can leave is by singing ABC and Twinkle Twinkle, and I'm tripping because it took me 25 years to figure out that they have the same tune. Thanks Doll.
We've also moved on from board books to actual stories at night, 101 Dalmations, Winnie the Pooh and Snow White have been in rotation for the last week. It's much more interesting (for me) to read these than to recite your other books from memory with my eyes closed, and you have a trick of putting your squishy little finger over the witch or Cruella de Vil's face and saying "Opa scary!" with a giant grin on your mug. I'm excited to share my love of readign with you, and I'm so happy you are into Fiction (so far) instead of history book, like your Papa. My wish for you this month Angel is that you nurture your love of books and are able to use them as an escape, as a vacation, and as a learning tool throughout your life.
Kiddo, we're going to have so much fun this holiday season. We've already been to several pumpkin patches and a Halloween party, and you are so adorable in your kitty costume, though it's already filthy and needs to be washed...again. You have a small pile of pumpkins that you've picked up at each event, and which you periodically set around the house 'just so' or walk in your shopping cart. This weekend for your sister's babyshower will be a blast, seeing all you kids in costumes and playing games and getting hyped up off massive amounts of candy. We have a couple more HAlloween events until the big day, and as soon as I'm on leave from work we'll tear down Halloween and start working on Christmas, with lights and trees and decorations everywhere. Yes!
I love you my Sweet Girl. And thank you for being honest. Usually when I wear my hair down and curly you roar at me like a lion, but I got a very expensive, and very cute cut, and when I came home you ran your fingers through my hair and said "I like it." My Angel.
Love,
Mama
Last month you were much more into singing and dancing together, but it seems like the last few weeks you've only wanted to really sing. And sing. And sing. You sing in the bathtub, in your carseat, when I get you up from a nap you are typically awake in your toddler bed singing to Osito or a baby doll. It's awesome how well you know the words to songs, how you can hum the tune of your favorites, and how after you sing Happy Birthday (or insert part of it into another song) you blow out imaginary candles.
Speaking of toddler bed, you transitioned amazingly well to it. The first week was a piece of cake, though the second week we did have to set some limits on geting out of bed and you cried a few times when I left you in there, but for the last couple weeks you are excited to go to sleep, and even when we read books at night you want to sit in your bed, propped up with pillows like Mama does, and turn the pages yourself. And the only way I can leave is by singing ABC and Twinkle Twinkle, and I'm tripping because it took me 25 years to figure out that they have the same tune. Thanks Doll.
We've also moved on from board books to actual stories at night, 101 Dalmations, Winnie the Pooh and Snow White have been in rotation for the last week. It's much more interesting (for me) to read these than to recite your other books from memory with my eyes closed, and you have a trick of putting your squishy little finger over the witch or Cruella de Vil's face and saying "Opa scary!" with a giant grin on your mug. I'm excited to share my love of readign with you, and I'm so happy you are into Fiction (so far) instead of history book, like your Papa. My wish for you this month Angel is that you nurture your love of books and are able to use them as an escape, as a vacation, and as a learning tool throughout your life.
Kiddo, we're going to have so much fun this holiday season. We've already been to several pumpkin patches and a Halloween party, and you are so adorable in your kitty costume, though it's already filthy and needs to be washed...again. You have a small pile of pumpkins that you've picked up at each event, and which you periodically set around the house 'just so' or walk in your shopping cart. This weekend for your sister's babyshower will be a blast, seeing all you kids in costumes and playing games and getting hyped up off massive amounts of candy. We have a couple more HAlloween events until the big day, and as soon as I'm on leave from work we'll tear down Halloween and start working on Christmas, with lights and trees and decorations everywhere. Yes!
I love you my Sweet Girl. And thank you for being honest. Usually when I wear my hair down and curly you roar at me like a lion, but I got a very expensive, and very cute cut, and when I came home you ran your fingers through my hair and said "I like it." My Angel.
Love,
Mama
September 29, 2008
Success!
Taryn slept all night in her new toddler bed. Not a peep from her until 7:30 this morning when strolled into P and I's room, climbed up on her bed and said "Opa noni!"
September 25, 2008
Favorites
Do you ever worry that you are going to love Z more than Taryn?”
This is the question he casually threw out last night as we were discussing Boogie going into a toddler bed this weekend, dinner to celebrate his promotion, and an agreement to hash out a name for Frogger (aka Z).
Honestly, the thought had not even crossed my mind. My big worry was that I’ll love them the same but like Boogie more than her sister. I can’t fathom a child being nearer to my heart than my firstborn, someone being as smart and beautiful and loving and sweet as Boogie is, and I honestly regretted getting pregnant for a short time, because I was so worried about what an injustice it was to bring another child into the house when I could have stopped with perfection.
But as we talked a bit more I started to wonder if our perspectives were not meeting because we had different birth orders. P is the first child for his parents, and knowing his background I can understand his concern that I, the primary caretaker and mother, would love the younger more than the older. That is what he grew up seeing and experiencing, and for him, that must be a truth in life.
I, on the other hand, was the second child, and while I never doubted my mother’s love, there have been, and still are times when I feel like my older brother is the favorite. It doesn’t bother me as much now as it sometimes did when I was younger. I consciously set out on my own at a younger age and tried to be independent, and while I maintain ties to my mother, I have my own family to care for now so I don’t feel like I expect as much from her. I wonder if my mom and brother are so close because they’ve had to struggle to get to where they are now, and they’ve grown together during that struggle? I feel like I’ve always been connected to my mom, and our struggles deepened our understanding of each other, but I have never been the Prodigal Child.
But it’s all perspective. My idea of what a ‘favorite child’ is may be very different from my husband’s, mom’s and brother’s ideas are. And a person’s actions do not necessarily betray one’s feelings, because I think parents often overcompensate for having a favorite, by spending time and energy with the neglected child. I guess in the long run it will probably even out. I’m sure there will be some times when I favor one of my girls over the other, and I’m sure that will change over time as we all pass through phases in life. I just hope that I never lose the ability to treasure each one for how beautifully different they are, and teach them to appreciate that in themselves and others.
This is the question he casually threw out last night as we were discussing Boogie going into a toddler bed this weekend, dinner to celebrate his promotion, and an agreement to hash out a name for Frogger (aka Z).
Honestly, the thought had not even crossed my mind. My big worry was that I’ll love them the same but like Boogie more than her sister. I can’t fathom a child being nearer to my heart than my firstborn, someone being as smart and beautiful and loving and sweet as Boogie is, and I honestly regretted getting pregnant for a short time, because I was so worried about what an injustice it was to bring another child into the house when I could have stopped with perfection.
But as we talked a bit more I started to wonder if our perspectives were not meeting because we had different birth orders. P is the first child for his parents, and knowing his background I can understand his concern that I, the primary caretaker and mother, would love the younger more than the older. That is what he grew up seeing and experiencing, and for him, that must be a truth in life.
I, on the other hand, was the second child, and while I never doubted my mother’s love, there have been, and still are times when I feel like my older brother is the favorite. It doesn’t bother me as much now as it sometimes did when I was younger. I consciously set out on my own at a younger age and tried to be independent, and while I maintain ties to my mother, I have my own family to care for now so I don’t feel like I expect as much from her. I wonder if my mom and brother are so close because they’ve had to struggle to get to where they are now, and they’ve grown together during that struggle? I feel like I’ve always been connected to my mom, and our struggles deepened our understanding of each other, but I have never been the Prodigal Child.
But it’s all perspective. My idea of what a ‘favorite child’ is may be very different from my husband’s, mom’s and brother’s ideas are. And a person’s actions do not necessarily betray one’s feelings, because I think parents often overcompensate for having a favorite, by spending time and energy with the neglected child. I guess in the long run it will probably even out. I’m sure there will be some times when I favor one of my girls over the other, and I’m sure that will change over time as we all pass through phases in life. I just hope that I never lose the ability to treasure each one for how beautifully different they are, and teach them to appreciate that in themselves and others.
September 20, 2008
Month Twenty-Seven
All day long I had it stuck in my head you were only twenty-six months today, but then I realized that you and your little sister should be 29 month apart, so either your birthday or my due date was off. Silly me.
I don't really know what a 27 month old kid is supposed to be like, I guess I haven't paid much attention to any that I was around, but I really should have, because you have been cracking us up lately.
We've been practicing names for a couple weeks now, I figured since you're old enough to run off and get lost, you should probably know your families names so whatever security guard picks you up in the mall, they can page us. Like you'd actually talk to a stranger. You got my name, the animals and your own fine, but when I asked you what Papa's name was, you yelled "Babe!" Which is true in a way, since that's what I call him, but probably wouldn't help much in the event of an emergency.
After you got the first names of people you see on a regular basis, we started working on last names too, but every time I say our last name, you dissolve in giggles. So I've taken to calling you "Miss C-" just to see you crack up for absolutely no reason.
We started gymnastics again this month, and I feel bad for keeping you away for so long. At the first class, as all the other kids were shy and quietly following directions, you were a whirlwind of bouncing curls and random jumping, spinning in circles with your arms flying by your sides and randomly rolling on the floor. And about halfway through the class you saw the older girls running in a big circle in another part of the gym and took off running after them. Yeah, everyone thought it was funny except your 7 month pregnant mother who had to tackle you to the floor to get you to slow down, and drag you back to the 2 year-old group.
But I'm glad you have so much energy, it motivates me to get going too even though I'm exhausted all the time. On our walk today, I was waddling along as you pushed your baby in her stroller and I noticed suddenly that you were no longer next to me. I turned around to see where you had gone, and almost peed myself (literally) when I spied you a few feet back with your hands on your hips, shaking your butt and singing something incoherent.
I don't know what has changed, but in the last couple weeks you spend hours each day singing and dancing, with a doll or stuffed animal, sometimes all by yourself in front of the mirror. Papa and I both sing to you a lot, and we all dance together, but seeing you groove to your own little beat is the most fantastic vision of freedom and self-confidence. And so my wish for you this month is that you never lose your song, and you never lose your love of dancing.
Pretty soon I'll be home with you more, and I'm excited to see you excited in the coming month as we start hitting up the pumpkin patches and get your Halloween costume pictures. You already know how to say Trick-or-Treat, and when we practice at home you hold out your hand for candy, and pretend to unwrap it and stick it in your mouth when I hand you a pretend piece. Ah, life is so easy before you relize how much real candy you'll get that day...
I love you,
Mama
I don't really know what a 27 month old kid is supposed to be like, I guess I haven't paid much attention to any that I was around, but I really should have, because you have been cracking us up lately.
We've been practicing names for a couple weeks now, I figured since you're old enough to run off and get lost, you should probably know your families names so whatever security guard picks you up in the mall, they can page us. Like you'd actually talk to a stranger. You got my name, the animals and your own fine, but when I asked you what Papa's name was, you yelled "Babe!" Which is true in a way, since that's what I call him, but probably wouldn't help much in the event of an emergency.
After you got the first names of people you see on a regular basis, we started working on last names too, but every time I say our last name, you dissolve in giggles. So I've taken to calling you "Miss C-" just to see you crack up for absolutely no reason.
We started gymnastics again this month, and I feel bad for keeping you away for so long. At the first class, as all the other kids were shy and quietly following directions, you were a whirlwind of bouncing curls and random jumping, spinning in circles with your arms flying by your sides and randomly rolling on the floor. And about halfway through the class you saw the older girls running in a big circle in another part of the gym and took off running after them. Yeah, everyone thought it was funny except your 7 month pregnant mother who had to tackle you to the floor to get you to slow down, and drag you back to the 2 year-old group.
But I'm glad you have so much energy, it motivates me to get going too even though I'm exhausted all the time. On our walk today, I was waddling along as you pushed your baby in her stroller and I noticed suddenly that you were no longer next to me. I turned around to see where you had gone, and almost peed myself (literally) when I spied you a few feet back with your hands on your hips, shaking your butt and singing something incoherent.
I don't know what has changed, but in the last couple weeks you spend hours each day singing and dancing, with a doll or stuffed animal, sometimes all by yourself in front of the mirror. Papa and I both sing to you a lot, and we all dance together, but seeing you groove to your own little beat is the most fantastic vision of freedom and self-confidence. And so my wish for you this month is that you never lose your song, and you never lose your love of dancing.
Pretty soon I'll be home with you more, and I'm excited to see you excited in the coming month as we start hitting up the pumpkin patches and get your Halloween costume pictures. You already know how to say Trick-or-Treat, and when we practice at home you hold out your hand for candy, and pretend to unwrap it and stick it in your mouth when I hand you a pretend piece. Ah, life is so easy before you relize how much real candy you'll get that day...
I love you,
Mama
September 9, 2008
Halloweeeeeeeeeeeen
Can I be honest here, without being shot by the firing squad? I know it's an odd feeling, and I've gotten a lot of slack for saying it, but I'm not a fan of Halloween. I mean, sure, I like seeing the kids dressed up and handing out candy, but me? Dress up? Not my thing.
I much prefer the "Autumn Activities" that come with this odd-ball holiday, going to the pumpkin patch and sampling fresh cheeses, wandering through the corn maze, maybe even riding on the haywagon if I have a minor accomplice. I do like the spiced apple cider, pies, the crisp Autumn air, pretty much everything aside from Halloween day.
I find it a bit disconcerting to see grown folks dressed up in some of the things they do. I'm turned off by the over-sexualization of many costumes, and some of them honestly scare me shitless. Maybe I'm just an open book though, what you see is what you get, and I don't need a special day each year to let my inner demon loose?
But here's the thing. Please don't tell, but I am actually starting to get excited this year. I don't know if it's because I see how stoked Boogie is to wear her costume (and there's a hint, she already has one) or because the last two years she was too young to go Trick-or-Treating. I actually have a costume idea for myself in mind, and I am the person that usually figues all that stuff out on the way to the Halloween party. Maybe I'm psyching myself up knowing the proposed theme for my baby shower which I initially wasn't too keen on, but now sounds like it will be a lot of fun.
I'd like to think it's the preggo hormones that are messing with my normally stoic facade (in relation to this weird day, at least) but I don't know. I do know this year we're hitting up at least two pumpkin patches, we're carving pumpkins, I'm making fresh pie and maybe my pumpkin chocolate bread while I drink my spiced cider, and I'm living it up this Fall. We're going to as many Halloween parties as we can, Trick-or-Treating both at Northgate and at home, and I'm sure Boogie is planning to wear her costume every day for the next 2 months as well.
I much prefer the "Autumn Activities" that come with this odd-ball holiday, going to the pumpkin patch and sampling fresh cheeses, wandering through the corn maze, maybe even riding on the haywagon if I have a minor accomplice. I do like the spiced apple cider, pies, the crisp Autumn air, pretty much everything aside from Halloween day.
I find it a bit disconcerting to see grown folks dressed up in some of the things they do. I'm turned off by the over-sexualization of many costumes, and some of them honestly scare me shitless. Maybe I'm just an open book though, what you see is what you get, and I don't need a special day each year to let my inner demon loose?
But here's the thing. Please don't tell, but I am actually starting to get excited this year. I don't know if it's because I see how stoked Boogie is to wear her costume (and there's a hint, she already has one) or because the last two years she was too young to go Trick-or-Treating. I actually have a costume idea for myself in mind, and I am the person that usually figues all that stuff out on the way to the Halloween party. Maybe I'm psyching myself up knowing the proposed theme for my baby shower which I initially wasn't too keen on, but now sounds like it will be a lot of fun.
I'd like to think it's the preggo hormones that are messing with my normally stoic facade (in relation to this weird day, at least) but I don't know. I do know this year we're hitting up at least two pumpkin patches, we're carving pumpkins, I'm making fresh pie and maybe my pumpkin chocolate bread while I drink my spiced cider, and I'm living it up this Fall. We're going to as many Halloween parties as we can, Trick-or-Treating both at Northgate and at home, and I'm sure Boogie is planning to wear her costume every day for the next 2 months as well.
September 8, 2008
Third Trimester Giggles
Already 28 weeks. I’m officially in the home stretch. And I’m giddy.
For some reason the past few days I have become almost stupidly excited about having this baby. Not that I don’t enjoy being pregnant, but I am so excited to see this little girl, and hold her, and bring her home to meet her big sister. I’m excited to have my house back soon and be home with my girls for a few months.
I’ve started a mental list of what I am going to do as soon as I go out on leave: get my hair cut, get a massage, rearrange the extra bedroom for optimal middle-of-the-night nursing and TV viewing, get the bassinette and pack-n-play set up, wash Boogie’s old clothes and get them put away in her yet-to-be-purchased dresser, decorate for Christmas …
And though normally I may feel a bit overwhelmed with having so much to do in an undetermined amount of time, these are all things that I am looking forward to, that I will enjoy doing, and that will get me even more excited to see this kid. And as much as I was dreading a “Christmas Baby” I’m stoked that this will all be happening during my absolute favorite time of year.
I’m also juiced that I’ll be home with Boogie for a while, just the two of us for hopefully a couple weeks. Time to devote to her, and soak up her squishy-cheeked loveliness before the whirlwind of infancy starts again in my house. We get to go Christmas shopping and sing carols and drink hot chocolate while we snuggle and read books. We get to lounge in our jammies all day if we want to, or get dolled up and go see Christmas lights. We can watch Rudolph cartoons and make paper snowflakes and we have an excuse to get our Christmas tree before Thanksgiving this year!
Watch out people, you know I bake when I’m extra happy, and you will be inundated with Christmas treats, candies, bread, and anything else I can think of. Whoot!
For some reason the past few days I have become almost stupidly excited about having this baby. Not that I don’t enjoy being pregnant, but I am so excited to see this little girl, and hold her, and bring her home to meet her big sister. I’m excited to have my house back soon and be home with my girls for a few months.
I’ve started a mental list of what I am going to do as soon as I go out on leave: get my hair cut, get a massage, rearrange the extra bedroom for optimal middle-of-the-night nursing and TV viewing, get the bassinette and pack-n-play set up, wash Boogie’s old clothes and get them put away in her yet-to-be-purchased dresser, decorate for Christmas …
And though normally I may feel a bit overwhelmed with having so much to do in an undetermined amount of time, these are all things that I am looking forward to, that I will enjoy doing, and that will get me even more excited to see this kid. And as much as I was dreading a “Christmas Baby” I’m stoked that this will all be happening during my absolute favorite time of year.
I’m also juiced that I’ll be home with Boogie for a while, just the two of us for hopefully a couple weeks. Time to devote to her, and soak up her squishy-cheeked loveliness before the whirlwind of infancy starts again in my house. We get to go Christmas shopping and sing carols and drink hot chocolate while we snuggle and read books. We get to lounge in our jammies all day if we want to, or get dolled up and go see Christmas lights. We can watch Rudolph cartoons and make paper snowflakes and we have an excuse to get our Christmas tree before Thanksgiving this year!
Watch out people, you know I bake when I’m extra happy, and you will be inundated with Christmas treats, candies, bread, and anything else I can think of. Whoot!
September 7, 2008
Burned Out
It sucks that I can't post what I wrote. I'm too tired to deal with the backlash of being honest. I'm too busy to explain in more detail what I mean, and I don't want all the excuses.
I wish I could do more, but I'm tired. I wish I could give infinitely but I'm drained. I wish you knew how much time I devote to you, that I feel like I've lost because I don't get yours in return.
I know I've said it before, but I need to be more selfish. I need to take care of myself first. I'm sorry if I'm not available to you as much as I used to be, if I can't spend hours listening to you when I don't feel heard, or calling to make plans when I feel you don't really want to spend time with me.
I just need to regroup, I guess.
I wish I could do more, but I'm tired. I wish I could give infinitely but I'm drained. I wish you knew how much time I devote to you, that I feel like I've lost because I don't get yours in return.
I know I've said it before, but I need to be more selfish. I need to take care of myself first. I'm sorry if I'm not available to you as much as I used to be, if I can't spend hours listening to you when I don't feel heard, or calling to make plans when I feel you don't really want to spend time with me.
I just need to regroup, I guess.
August 26, 2008
Loss
I know as I get older I will see more and more classmates passing away. It is an inevitability of aging, but if each loss is going to be as painful to bear as the last, I'm not quite sure how one manages.
She is the first to go, as far as I am aware, and the tragic nature of it, the fact that we had so much in common, and daughters around the same age, it puts life in perspective. I had planned on blogging today about not putting your life on hold, not waiting for the 'right time' or 'your time' to live, but I'm in shock about the whole thing.
And I'm furious that her daughter's father is a freaking shmuck, that poor 16 month old girl is basically an orphan because her father will never step up and take care of her.
I'm heartbroken and depressed and angry, but grateful her baby girl is okay. I know she'll be taken care of, but I panic thinking of leaving Taryn before my time. One small mistake and it's over. There is no restart in life. This, right here, is all we have. We lost a classmare and a friend, Angela gained a guardian angel.
Rest in Peace, Liz.
She is the first to go, as far as I am aware, and the tragic nature of it, the fact that we had so much in common, and daughters around the same age, it puts life in perspective. I had planned on blogging today about not putting your life on hold, not waiting for the 'right time' or 'your time' to live, but I'm in shock about the whole thing.
And I'm furious that her daughter's father is a freaking shmuck, that poor 16 month old girl is basically an orphan because her father will never step up and take care of her.
I'm heartbroken and depressed and angry, but grateful her baby girl is okay. I know she'll be taken care of, but I panic thinking of leaving Taryn before my time. One small mistake and it's over. There is no restart in life. This, right here, is all we have. We lost a classmare and a friend, Angela gained a guardian angel.
Rest in Peace, Liz.
August 20, 2008
Month Twenty-Six
Girl, if there terrible-twos are about testing limits, we have jumped in head first! This month has been full of surprises, demands, hissy-fits, tears and hugs. Your pushing it, and I'm proud of you for asserting your independence in a little 2'9" 24lb body, but ... I'm tired.
The roller coaster started with more obvious food preferences, no more oatmeal or quesadillas (which you had been living off of for many months) and all of a sudden you are actually asking for certain foods, which is awesome, except when you only wanted to eat blackberries for days. Because Love, you will see if you have your own children, blackberry-filled diapers are no joke.
Then the teething kicked in again, and the bottom two second molars were a breeze, but the top two knocked your socks off, and you went from Ms. Independent to Ms. I-Need-You-Mama-More-Ice-Please. And I struggle so much with being available and making sure that you always know you can count on me, but on the other hand I don't want you to become so dependent that you cry whenever I leave the room, and regress to be coddled. It's hard, but pfffft. Shows how much I know about preschoolers.
Sure enough, the next week you are a full-fledged Gemini, screaming at the top of your lungs "Mama, Mommy, need you, help please, up, up, mas besos, more hugs, up Mama, Mama sing song, Mama come, Mama sit, up Mama, no down, no down, more hugs, mas besos, love you, Mama ..." and the next second, when Papa is home from work and you have a new focus, "Mama go away, in house Mama. Now."
Right. I'll get one that now.
But I love it. I may not necessarily enjoy every second of it, but it's so amazingly cool to see you, really see you, and I love who you are, who you have been and who you are becoming. My wish for you this month is that you continually evolve. I hope you don't ever get stuck in being what anyone expects of you, I hope you are an individual and that your tastes and moods, and styles and interests change as your life does. I know you'll be dynamic.
I do have to say, this month has been packed, and while I'm looking forward to some down time from the birthdays and play dates, you are incredibly adaptable and have quite a few boyfriends. But although you only have one little girl your age you sometimes see, you've become a rough and tumble girly girl. You'll jump and run and play and wrestle with the boys, and do it in the pretty dress you picked out that morning. Or throw your dolls and play with monster trucks and trains, ride bikes and let your cousins puch you on their skateboards and scooters, but the minute someone is hurt, you immediately get concerned, and make sure 'Boo-Boo Rescue' is on the way. I love that about you. So carefree and unconcerned with gender roles right now, but always the nurturer.
Well Darling, I keep saying it, and I mean it more than ever. I love you so much more that I thought humanly possible. The rest of this year is going to hold some major changes for you, but I know you'll get through it, and be a womderful big sister. Which reminds me, you repeat everything we say right now. You've started calling Papa 'Babe' because that's what I yell when I need him, or if he calls to me, you'll yell 'What?" like I normally do. You tell the puppies to 'hush, stop barking' and you remember events vividly and will explain them again and again, repeating over and over if someone got an ouchie or you went to play with a friend down the street. I just wanted to bring this up because when your sister is 2, and you are almost in kinder and she's following you around repeting what you say, I just want written proof that you did the same thing first.
I love you,
Mama.
The roller coaster started with more obvious food preferences, no more oatmeal or quesadillas (which you had been living off of for many months) and all of a sudden you are actually asking for certain foods, which is awesome, except when you only wanted to eat blackberries for days. Because Love, you will see if you have your own children, blackberry-filled diapers are no joke.
Then the teething kicked in again, and the bottom two second molars were a breeze, but the top two knocked your socks off, and you went from Ms. Independent to Ms. I-Need-You-Mama-More-Ice-Please. And I struggle so much with being available and making sure that you always know you can count on me, but on the other hand I don't want you to become so dependent that you cry whenever I leave the room, and regress to be coddled. It's hard, but pfffft. Shows how much I know about preschoolers.
Sure enough, the next week you are a full-fledged Gemini, screaming at the top of your lungs "Mama, Mommy, need you, help please, up, up, mas besos, more hugs, up Mama, Mama sing song, Mama come, Mama sit, up Mama, no down, no down, more hugs, mas besos, love you, Mama ..." and the next second, when Papa is home from work and you have a new focus, "Mama go away, in house Mama. Now."
Right. I'll get one that now.
But I love it. I may not necessarily enjoy every second of it, but it's so amazingly cool to see you, really see you, and I love who you are, who you have been and who you are becoming. My wish for you this month is that you continually evolve. I hope you don't ever get stuck in being what anyone expects of you, I hope you are an individual and that your tastes and moods, and styles and interests change as your life does. I know you'll be dynamic.
I do have to say, this month has been packed, and while I'm looking forward to some down time from the birthdays and play dates, you are incredibly adaptable and have quite a few boyfriends. But although you only have one little girl your age you sometimes see, you've become a rough and tumble girly girl. You'll jump and run and play and wrestle with the boys, and do it in the pretty dress you picked out that morning. Or throw your dolls and play with monster trucks and trains, ride bikes and let your cousins puch you on their skateboards and scooters, but the minute someone is hurt, you immediately get concerned, and make sure 'Boo-Boo Rescue' is on the way. I love that about you. So carefree and unconcerned with gender roles right now, but always the nurturer.
Well Darling, I keep saying it, and I mean it more than ever. I love you so much more that I thought humanly possible. The rest of this year is going to hold some major changes for you, but I know you'll get through it, and be a womderful big sister. Which reminds me, you repeat everything we say right now. You've started calling Papa 'Babe' because that's what I yell when I need him, or if he calls to me, you'll yell 'What?" like I normally do. You tell the puppies to 'hush, stop barking' and you remember events vividly and will explain them again and again, repeating over and over if someone got an ouchie or you went to play with a friend down the street. I just wanted to bring this up because when your sister is 2, and you are almost in kinder and she's following you around repeting what you say, I just want written proof that you did the same thing first.
I love you,
Mama.
August 5, 2008
Dude, It's August?
Around this time of year, when I was a kid, I started to get both excited and sad. Sad, of course, because Summer break was ending and it was back to the daily grind of getting up early to go to school. At the same time, I was always excited to get back to that routine, and to see my friends, and yes, (I’m a dork) to learn something new. Of course as a teen, there were more perks to the end of Summer, like no more 40 hour work weeks, and generally a break as school was much more interesting than folding a wall of jeans.
This year, it’s kind of cool, because the closer we get to Thanksgiving, the closer I am to a ‘vacation’ from work and to see my little Frogger. But isn’t it crazy that it’s already August? Maybe because the weather hasn’t been super hot this year, it just feels like it came very quickly. In a few weeks it’ll already be Labor Day, then Halloween, then Veteran’s Day, and then I’m off! Whoot!
I love the Fall, I decided it’s my favorite season. I love going from holiday to holiday getting more excited each month for Christmas. I love the weather cooling off, long sleeve shirts and playing in the crunchy leaves as the fall from trees, but no rain yet. I love getting a hot cup of coffee (or hot chocolate this year) in the morning, and curling up with my Boogie to read a book while waffles are cooking or bacon sizzles on the stove. And I adore taking the dogs out for a walk, in my faux Uggs and a warm jacket, watching the sky change from inky blue to a hazy grey.
And I’m going to start Christmas shopping early this year, just in case, you know? I’m hoping to get creative and have some homemade gifts for the adults this time around
This year, it’s kind of cool, because the closer we get to Thanksgiving, the closer I am to a ‘vacation’ from work and to see my little Frogger. But isn’t it crazy that it’s already August? Maybe because the weather hasn’t been super hot this year, it just feels like it came very quickly. In a few weeks it’ll already be Labor Day, then Halloween, then Veteran’s Day, and then I’m off! Whoot!
I love the Fall, I decided it’s my favorite season. I love going from holiday to holiday getting more excited each month for Christmas. I love the weather cooling off, long sleeve shirts and playing in the crunchy leaves as the fall from trees, but no rain yet. I love getting a hot cup of coffee (or hot chocolate this year) in the morning, and curling up with my Boogie to read a book while waffles are cooking or bacon sizzles on the stove. And I adore taking the dogs out for a walk, in my faux Uggs and a warm jacket, watching the sky change from inky blue to a hazy grey.
And I’m going to start Christmas shopping early this year, just in case, you know? I’m hoping to get creative and have some homemade gifts for the adults this time around
July 29, 2008
Heheheh
I was walking down the hallway at work a few minutes ago, and two people were standing in my way. They each had their back to the hallway and were facing into a cubicle and an office talking, so rather than interrupt two different conversations, I turned sideways to slip between them.
OOps.
Didn't think about the fact that I'm bigger front to back, than side to side.
OOps.
Didn't think about the fact that I'm bigger front to back, than side to side.
July 20, 2008
Month Twenty-Five
Thirty minutes ago, we were outside in my parked car. I was cleaning old receipts and gym passes while you "organized" my car paperwork in the glove compartment and drew pictures. Twenty minutes ago, you were running out the back of the house, yelling for the dogs to come back inside and stop barking. Ten minutes ago, you called me "Mama china" (Mama cochina) when you thought I passed gas. And five minutes ago you crawled up into my lap as I was on the computer, and asked to watch You Tube. I started humming a song and rocking you, and within about 2 minutes, you laid your head on my shoulder, grabbed onto my pinky finger with your little hand, and fell asleep.
I can't imagine life getting any better than this.
We didn't get to see fireworks this year, as we have the past two years. They started around 9:30, but by 9:00 each night you were begging Papa and I to let you go to sleep. Quite a change from the little baby we brought home from the hospital who was awake from 11pm to 4am. Every night. For weeks. We did go to the fair though, and you were able to go on your first carnival ride, even though you were about 4 inches too short. Papa carried you on the train and sat with you, and you smiled to me each time you went around the circuit. You also won a red monkey playing the game where you shoot water into a little target, you sitting on Papa's lap, white-knuckled as you gripped the handle, and smiling like a clown when the Carnie offered your pick of stuffed animals.
This month we also went to an ultrasound to see your little sister. You were so well-behaved, even the sonographer was shocked that you sat so still for almost 15 minutes, munching on your popcorn and commenting on the baby pictures. "Wow" and "Baby aca" were the most frequent, and I don't think you got what we were really looking at until you saw her face and got so excited. You still kiss the pictures they gave us and now say "baby sister" when you see some of them.
Your sister has gotten into the habit of kicking you when we're sitting together, though I remember you kicking the dogs the same way when I was pregnant with you. You have been such a helper, and so understanding of Mama's energy and mood fluctuations. When I need to rest a bit, you are happy to entertain yourself, or just snuggle up with me a read yourself a book until the dizziness or fatigue passes. You've also started singing again, and request certain songs when you are going to sleep, or we are going for a walk. The best is "Twinkle, Twinkle" which you know most of the words to, and sing along with me. But it's a bad one to sing before bed, because we both end up cracking up by the end, at the sound of our duet.
Your two year check-up is tomorrow, so I don't know exactly how much you weight, but the scale at home sys 23.9 lbs, so we've done well the past few months. This month in particular, you've been wanting to eat quesadillas every day. And seriously, you'll have oatmeal for breakfast, three corn tortillas worth of quesadillas for lunch and dinner each, and oatmeal before bed. And massive amounts of fruit, especially since now after work we can go on a walk while we wait for Papa to get home, and pick blackberries from the bushes by our house. Though you call them 'popcorn' and I can see why, you are much neater this year eating them than you were last year. So my wish for you is that you remember these summer days picking blackberries and taking long walks, drawing with your chalk outside, and riding your little bike, and you remember what it was like to be a kid and not have the weight of the world on your little shoulders, like your Papa and I did when we were young.
But like I was saying, I can't imagine life with you getting any better. I know it will, you are more beautiful, intelligent, and loving, playful, kind, sweet, the best at hugs and kisses, and simply the most amazing little girl I have ever had the pleasure to know. I had no idea you'd be so much fun, I knew I'd love you but I never knew that I would like you so much! Thank you for choosing me to be your mama, I know I've said it before, but I feel blessed to have you in my life.
I love you,
Mama
I can't imagine life getting any better than this.
We didn't get to see fireworks this year, as we have the past two years. They started around 9:30, but by 9:00 each night you were begging Papa and I to let you go to sleep. Quite a change from the little baby we brought home from the hospital who was awake from 11pm to 4am. Every night. For weeks. We did go to the fair though, and you were able to go on your first carnival ride, even though you were about 4 inches too short. Papa carried you on the train and sat with you, and you smiled to me each time you went around the circuit. You also won a red monkey playing the game where you shoot water into a little target, you sitting on Papa's lap, white-knuckled as you gripped the handle, and smiling like a clown when the Carnie offered your pick of stuffed animals.
This month we also went to an ultrasound to see your little sister. You were so well-behaved, even the sonographer was shocked that you sat so still for almost 15 minutes, munching on your popcorn and commenting on the baby pictures. "Wow" and "Baby aca" were the most frequent, and I don't think you got what we were really looking at until you saw her face and got so excited. You still kiss the pictures they gave us and now say "baby sister" when you see some of them.
Your sister has gotten into the habit of kicking you when we're sitting together, though I remember you kicking the dogs the same way when I was pregnant with you. You have been such a helper, and so understanding of Mama's energy and mood fluctuations. When I need to rest a bit, you are happy to entertain yourself, or just snuggle up with me a read yourself a book until the dizziness or fatigue passes. You've also started singing again, and request certain songs when you are going to sleep, or we are going for a walk. The best is "Twinkle, Twinkle" which you know most of the words to, and sing along with me. But it's a bad one to sing before bed, because we both end up cracking up by the end, at the sound of our duet.
Your two year check-up is tomorrow, so I don't know exactly how much you weight, but the scale at home sys 23.9 lbs, so we've done well the past few months. This month in particular, you've been wanting to eat quesadillas every day. And seriously, you'll have oatmeal for breakfast, three corn tortillas worth of quesadillas for lunch and dinner each, and oatmeal before bed. And massive amounts of fruit, especially since now after work we can go on a walk while we wait for Papa to get home, and pick blackberries from the bushes by our house. Though you call them 'popcorn' and I can see why, you are much neater this year eating them than you were last year. So my wish for you is that you remember these summer days picking blackberries and taking long walks, drawing with your chalk outside, and riding your little bike, and you remember what it was like to be a kid and not have the weight of the world on your little shoulders, like your Papa and I did when we were young.
But like I was saying, I can't imagine life with you getting any better. I know it will, you are more beautiful, intelligent, and loving, playful, kind, sweet, the best at hugs and kisses, and simply the most amazing little girl I have ever had the pleasure to know. I had no idea you'd be so much fun, I knew I'd love you but I never knew that I would like you so much! Thank you for choosing me to be your mama, I know I've said it before, but I feel blessed to have you in my life.
I love you,
Mama
July 17, 2008
Doctor's Visit Today Was Good...
I’ve got a love/hate relationship with Google. On one hand, I love that fact that tons of information are at my fingertips, just waiting for an obscure idea to flit past my brain and lodge long enough for a little digging.
On the other hand, some of the stuff that you find can cause some serious panic to set in.
We found out on Tuesday that our ultrasound last week was abnormal. They had found a cyst on the baby’s kidney (and by the way, “Baby” is now “Frogger.” She looked like a little frog kicking around at the ultrasound today) and wanted me to come in asap for another scan and to speak to a genetic counselor.
I’ve been worthless the past few days. I couldn’t concentrate at work, I didn’t want to do anything but bake at home. I would snatch Boogie up in a bear hug for no reason as the tears streamed down my face, so grateful that I had my little girl there, and she was safe and happy and thriving, and simultaneously terrified that I might have to make a decision to terminate my pregnancy in the next few days.
See, Google told me that kidney cysts on a fetus could be nothing, or could be fatal. The doctor agreed, and though I knew the chances of Frogger having kidney disease in-utero was slim, there was still a chance. At least our worst case was ruled out today at the appointment, but we still don’t know exactly what this means.
Good news is there is only one cyst, and it looks like both kidneys are still functioning normally. I have to go back in 6 weeks for another scan to check the size of it, and there is a real possibility that Frogger will need surgery after she’s born to remove the cyst, but as long as she’s got one functioning kidney (and right now it looks like both are okay) then we should be good. The doctor said that this would be normal in a child or adult, but it is highly abnormal in a fetus.
And since there is nothing I can do about it, we’ll wait and see. Google did let me know that there are all kinds of treatments available, if needed, after Frogger is born, and that the prognosis is excellent since it has been caught so soon. I can’t even think about the bad stuff right now, dialysis or kidney transplants are not going to be floating around my head for the next 5 months, I can’t stress myself over something that I just don’t know yet. So hopefully this will be my last foray into this topic on Google, at least until my next appointment, and my last blog on the topic until Frogger is born and we find out what we need to do.
On the other hand, some of the stuff that you find can cause some serious panic to set in.
We found out on Tuesday that our ultrasound last week was abnormal. They had found a cyst on the baby’s kidney (and by the way, “Baby” is now “Frogger.” She looked like a little frog kicking around at the ultrasound today) and wanted me to come in asap for another scan and to speak to a genetic counselor.
I’ve been worthless the past few days. I couldn’t concentrate at work, I didn’t want to do anything but bake at home. I would snatch Boogie up in a bear hug for no reason as the tears streamed down my face, so grateful that I had my little girl there, and she was safe and happy and thriving, and simultaneously terrified that I might have to make a decision to terminate my pregnancy in the next few days.
See, Google told me that kidney cysts on a fetus could be nothing, or could be fatal. The doctor agreed, and though I knew the chances of Frogger having kidney disease in-utero was slim, there was still a chance. At least our worst case was ruled out today at the appointment, but we still don’t know exactly what this means.
Good news is there is only one cyst, and it looks like both kidneys are still functioning normally. I have to go back in 6 weeks for another scan to check the size of it, and there is a real possibility that Frogger will need surgery after she’s born to remove the cyst, but as long as she’s got one functioning kidney (and right now it looks like both are okay) then we should be good. The doctor said that this would be normal in a child or adult, but it is highly abnormal in a fetus.
And since there is nothing I can do about it, we’ll wait and see. Google did let me know that there are all kinds of treatments available, if needed, after Frogger is born, and that the prognosis is excellent since it has been caught so soon. I can’t even think about the bad stuff right now, dialysis or kidney transplants are not going to be floating around my head for the next 5 months, I can’t stress myself over something that I just don’t know yet. So hopefully this will be my last foray into this topic on Google, at least until my next appointment, and my last blog on the topic until Frogger is born and we find out what we need to do.
July 14, 2008
Booty Shakin' and Fake Ta-Ta's
There is a reason I don;t let Boogie watch mainstream TV. Some people think I'm overly strict, some think I'm just weird, but I know how impressionable little kids are. I know how impressionable even adults are, and I didn't want to subject my angel to any self-criticism at such a tender age. Think she's too young? Think again....
Last night, as I was cleaning up after dinner, P put MTV on so Boogie could listen to music and dance to wear herself out before her bath. She watched a couple videos, and we watched her, laughing along as she shook her little diaper-clad bottom, hands on her hips or twirling in the air above her head.
She was having a great time, but suddenly stopped and picked up a whiffle ball and a small fist-sized basketball that were lying near her feet. She had been watching a Fergie video, which was sexual, but not overly revealing, in my mind. Boogie, my sweet, perfect, two-year-old Angel put the balls up her shirt like fake chi-chi's and started dancing again! She even stood up on the bench of her table, imitating the girls dancing on the tables in the videos.
OMG!
When they started to slip, she asked me for help, and I had to pick her up and tell her she was perfect just the way she was, then insisted we go take her bath and stop dancing. Because really? I'm a bit disturbed that my 2 year old notices all the women on TV have their boobs hanging out, and is trying to make hers bigger.
Last night, as I was cleaning up after dinner, P put MTV on so Boogie could listen to music and dance to wear herself out before her bath. She watched a couple videos, and we watched her, laughing along as she shook her little diaper-clad bottom, hands on her hips or twirling in the air above her head.
She was having a great time, but suddenly stopped and picked up a whiffle ball and a small fist-sized basketball that were lying near her feet. She had been watching a Fergie video, which was sexual, but not overly revealing, in my mind. Boogie, my sweet, perfect, two-year-old Angel put the balls up her shirt like fake chi-chi's and started dancing again! She even stood up on the bench of her table, imitating the girls dancing on the tables in the videos.
OMG!
When they started to slip, she asked me for help, and I had to pick her up and tell her she was perfect just the way she was, then insisted we go take her bath and stop dancing. Because really? I'm a bit disturbed that my 2 year old notices all the women on TV have their boobs hanging out, and is trying to make hers bigger.
July 11, 2008
Sisters!
I had my "big ultrasound" yesterday and found out we have another baby girl on the way!
Yessssssss!
I was really thinking it was a boy, but a couple weeks ago I started wondering if I was just mentally preparing myself for a boy, since I wanted another girl so bad, or I assumed it was a boy because my symptoms were so different than with Taryn.
No matter, the tech said he was "high 90's" when asked how sure he was, so I'm seeing PINK today.
P is ... not so happy. But he'll get over it, just like he did with Taryn, and be wrappd around her little finger within minutes of being born.
I'm beyond the moon with joy right now. As soon as I found out Taryn was a girl, I started dreaming about her having a sister. And now I have leverage for #3, if I want to try again (but don't tell P I said that!)
Yessssssss!
I was really thinking it was a boy, but a couple weeks ago I started wondering if I was just mentally preparing myself for a boy, since I wanted another girl so bad, or I assumed it was a boy because my symptoms were so different than with Taryn.
No matter, the tech said he was "high 90's" when asked how sure he was, so I'm seeing PINK today.
P is ... not so happy. But he'll get over it, just like he did with Taryn, and be wrappd around her little finger within minutes of being born.
I'm beyond the moon with joy right now. As soon as I found out Taryn was a girl, I started dreaming about her having a sister. And now I have leverage for #3, if I want to try again (but don't tell P I said that!)
July 9, 2008
The belt tightening is starting to infring on my pregnant belly.
Honestly, I feel lucky though, because we are not on the verge of losing our house, we have enough food, and can still afford gas for two cars. But those extras are gone, less eating out (sorry Figlet), less clothes (for those of us not growing four inches per year), and no vacation on the horizon.
This will sound stupid, because it's the opposite for many people, but our Stupid Spending of the last two years? That turned out to be out insulation from this whole economic crisis we've been thrown into.
Our budget is basically this:
Gross Income - Retirement, Taxes and Insurance = Net Income
Then,
Net Income - Monthly Bills - Food, Gas and Essentials = Disposable Income
Therefore,
Dispoable Income = What Gets Paid on the Credit Cards
Get it?
We've been dropping hundreds of dollars per month on our credit card bills to try to get them paid off sometime in the next year or so, since we were contemplating upgrading to a bigger house. But lately, we've been spending more on the "Food, Gas and Essentials" which means less on the credit cards, but really, we're still paying much more than the minimums each month.
So in a stupid, roundabout, and not entirely logical way, we haven't been affected so much by all this turmoil, except that it's going to take longer than anticipated to get out of debt. But really, doesn't it always?
This is my way of saying that I am very thankful that we made mostly sound financial decisions for the past few years and I feel lucky that we aren't struggling as so many others are right now. Things are tight, but things are always tight with us. A big squeeze has been that P's grandparents aren't working anymore due to crap health issues, so we are sending them money every month so they can buy food, etc. We had been supporting Jojo for the past year and a half, and the girl can eat! So there was another drain, not including what it cost us to get her up here, and our latest trip to Paraguay. Childcare, student loans, savings for maternity leave... it all adds up very quickly, but we have a plan, and that's all I can ask for.
I'm just seeing more and more self-employed people applying for benefits because they are filing bankruptcy, more and more homeowners who are losing their homes, young parents who can't affors insurance for their kids, older folks who needs medications and treatments, but can't afford thier own insurance premiums and copays.... it goes on and on. I try to stay positive, Obama will be able to turn things around for those who really need the help right now.
And that's all for this morning's rant. Thanks for tuning in!
Honestly, I feel lucky though, because we are not on the verge of losing our house, we have enough food, and can still afford gas for two cars. But those extras are gone, less eating out (sorry Figlet), less clothes (for those of us not growing four inches per year), and no vacation on the horizon.
This will sound stupid, because it's the opposite for many people, but our Stupid Spending of the last two years? That turned out to be out insulation from this whole economic crisis we've been thrown into.
Our budget is basically this:
Gross Income - Retirement, Taxes and Insurance = Net Income
Then,
Net Income - Monthly Bills - Food, Gas and Essentials = Disposable Income
Therefore,
Dispoable Income = What Gets Paid on the Credit Cards
Get it?
We've been dropping hundreds of dollars per month on our credit card bills to try to get them paid off sometime in the next year or so, since we were contemplating upgrading to a bigger house. But lately, we've been spending more on the "Food, Gas and Essentials" which means less on the credit cards, but really, we're still paying much more than the minimums each month.
So in a stupid, roundabout, and not entirely logical way, we haven't been affected so much by all this turmoil, except that it's going to take longer than anticipated to get out of debt. But really, doesn't it always?
This is my way of saying that I am very thankful that we made mostly sound financial decisions for the past few years and I feel lucky that we aren't struggling as so many others are right now. Things are tight, but things are always tight with us. A big squeeze has been that P's grandparents aren't working anymore due to crap health issues, so we are sending them money every month so they can buy food, etc. We had been supporting Jojo for the past year and a half, and the girl can eat! So there was another drain, not including what it cost us to get her up here, and our latest trip to Paraguay. Childcare, student loans, savings for maternity leave... it all adds up very quickly, but we have a plan, and that's all I can ask for.
I'm just seeing more and more self-employed people applying for benefits because they are filing bankruptcy, more and more homeowners who are losing their homes, young parents who can't affors insurance for their kids, older folks who needs medications and treatments, but can't afford thier own insurance premiums and copays.... it goes on and on. I try to stay positive, Obama will be able to turn things around for those who really need the help right now.
And that's all for this morning's rant. Thanks for tuning in!
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