Worse than Childbirth

Any mother who has said there is no worse pain in the world than childbirth is full of mierda ! Because I've found it.

I took Taryn to the doctor yesterday to get her first round of immunizations. A friend recommended that I give her Tylenol before the appointment so that she won't be in too much pain, and though it helped, and I am eternally grateful for the suggestion, she was still screaming worse than I've ever heard in my life.

My poor baby knew something bad was going to happen, because as soon as her physical was over and the nurse walked in with her little blue, kidney shaped carrier of torture and told me to lay her down on the table, she startd whimpering. It's interesting to note that the "shot nurse" at Kaiser wore black. I wonder if the doctor's were getting pissed off for getting the bad rap in the white lab coats or what? Because I've never seen a nurse in black, and it just seems a touch dramatic.

So I had to lay her down on the table, and the nurse stuck Taryn's legs between her own so that only her fat little thighs were sticking out, and then the biatch tells me to hold her arms down. WTF??? At that point Taryn starts screaming, not her banshee scream, but I could tell she was freaked out, like, "Mommy, you're taking a part in this evil scheme?"

Let's take an emotional break for a second, and I'll explain that she had to get three shots, and also take a liquid immunization. So before I had to hold the baby down, the nurse starts giving her the liquid, but Taryn is flat on her back. Duh wench, of course the stuff isn't going down, it's a bit hard to swallow like that... And so consequently she spilled it all over my poor baby's face and her cute little outfit, and it dripped all the way to the table, so that when I finally got her out of there, the back of her head was all crunchy from the dried sugar in the medicine.

Back to the shots.

So Taryn is pinned down on the table, and the nurse swabs down her fat little thighs with alcohol. Then she sticks the first needle into her leg, and Taryn is banshee screaming at the top of her lungs, her face is bright red, her eyes are closed up tight, and she's got tears, real tears of pain streaming down her face. I leaned down to whisper in her ear that she's going to be okay, and kiss her cheek, and then everything goes blurry because now I've got tears streaming down my face too.

And I just keep thinking what kind of horrible mother am I to let them hurt my baby like this? And intellectually I know that it's for her own good, but my heart is breaking, and I would sell my soul to George Bush to take away her pain.

I have to admit that the actual shots were over pretty quickly, and as soon as the last band-aid went on I scooped up my sobbing child and cuddled her and promised her a pony and all the titty she could handle. She was crying for a while, and I cried right along with her. I was a touch embarassed of my own show of emotion, but I'm not the first, and sure as hell not the last mother to cry when her baby got shots, so I'm over it.

Anyway, Taryn kind of whimpered for 10 or 15 minutes after the crying stopped. My mom had to go back into Kaiser to get them to fill out the shot record because the dumbass nurse didn't do it like he should have (heheheh, yeah, HE. Like that Focker guy).

And I'd love to say that was the end of it, but around 4:30, when we woke up from our nap and the Tylenol had worn off, she was up shrieking again, and it took a lot of rocking, some more Tylenol and about 17 thousand kisses to calm her down enough to feed her, and then she dropped off again to blissful drugged sleep.

And I keep thinking how shitty it was for that guy to pull the short stick and end up as the Shot Nurse in Black.