And the Requisite Photos...

Zoraya's first hospital glamor shot.




Not too happy about her first bath.




Me and the girls in the hospital.




Taryn trying to figure out what she's supposed to do with this baby.




Holding her and watching TV, just like Papa.




One of the only times she slept in the car seat.




Stoked much?




In Taryn's bed. She turned bright red when she gets really mad.




Christmas out take.




Christmas baby.

Month One

My Dearest Frogger,

We made it a month! Not a huge feat as aside from the last week you have been a pretty easy-going baby, sleeping stretches far longer than I had ever encountered in the first half-year of life with your sister, and no problems at all nursing, unless constant boob-suction for hours every evening is a problem.

As I type this with three fingers, you are nestled in my left arm, snoring away. Yes, I could put you down and type, but if I do that two things could happen ... 1) You might wake up and then I'd have to wait for your Papa and sister to get back from the park, then dinner, baths, my shower, putting Boogie to sleep, and Papa bouncing you to sleep on the exercise ball before I could finish, or 2) You might start gagging on the snot from your first cold ever which is dripping down your throat, wake yourself up then [insert list above]. So it's you and me for a while.

Not much happened this month to be honest. You missed Thanksgiving by a couple of days, but we did have a nice family-filled Christmas. I'm going to be honest, you didn't get much, mostly token gifts that your sister opened for you anyway, and Mama opened you a savings account. I'm going to wait to put your money in your 529 school account until the economy gets a bit better, but we are already saving for you. It's funny writing this, because you are such a huge part of your sister's day, but she doesn't play much of a role in yours. Ah, but that will change, and soon, I think.

You fart a lot. I hope this doesn't embarrass you later, but you do. Like, all day long, and people holding you can always feel it. I have to reassure them you're just pooting away and not pooping, and thank goodness that has gotten under control too. Twice a day and not at night, yeah! You've spit up only a few times, and only when it's totally inconvenient for us, but such is life.

I'm curious to see what you and Tygir's relationship is like later. She's not too happy with the sleeping arrangements right now, you, me and her in the bed, Papa and the puppies in the guest room. Used to be her and I when I was pregnant with you, and though I know the crying bothers her (she'll wander around meowing while you scream, especially during baths... why don't you like them?) and to show us she's not happy, she's been peeing on your carseat and sling. Which is nasty, but even worse because it usually leaks onto a whole other mess of stuff, and cat pee is a nasty smell. So, we'll see. She didn't like Taryn crying either, but I don't remember her defiling her property. So my wish for you this month is that animals learn to love you. It makes life so much easier to be in tune with your furry friends, and I'm sure this setback is just temporary.

Two more things I need to tell you. We call you Gorilita. Sorry. You're pretty much huge compared to Taryn, I'm guessing you're around 11lbs already, and tall, and we used to call her monkey, but I notice in the hospital you more closely resemble a gorilla with your dark full head of hair and your intense dark eyes. Maybe it'll stick, maybe not, but your huge squishy cheeks and kind of hunched-over stance just add to the effect.

The other is more serious, and I'm sorry if this hurts you later. I need you to know that this is normal, that my mother felt the same way about me, and if you decide to have children, it will be normal for you as well. When you were first born, I was sort of indifferent about you. I loved you immediately, but didn't feel really bonded to you. I have been so in love with your sister for the past 2.5 years and couldn't really imagine loving another child as much as I adored her. It wasn't post-partum depression, but it took a couple weeks for me to really want to spend time with you. Part of it is the fact that infants literally poop, eat and sleep, there is very little interaction in the first couple weeks, and I was trying to make sure Taryn didn't feel jealous or angry about you being born. Part of it is that I half-expected you to be just like her, and part of it is probably just a natural part of a major change, adjusting to having a bigger family, not being pregnant, etc.

I can say now that I am totally into you though. I love snuggling with you, how you put your nose into the fold of my neck when I am carrying you, and how I catch you just watching me when you are in your sling. I love that you calm so easily in my arms, and one thing that I can't say about your sister is that I am actually enjoying having an infant. You are just so easy-going it's a pleasure to stay up with you for hours because you aren't crying, you're just awake, and we can read books or watch a movie or whatever. You are a baby that would *almost* make me want another one if I could guarantee a pain-free delivery, a good eater and sleeper, and an extra set of hands. I'm all about full disclosure here, so I want you to know that in the beginning, I didn't cry when I first saw you, I slept in the hospital instead of staying awake to watch you sleep, but now, a month into our new life, I couldn't imagine myself without you. I am so looking forward to seeing you grow and blossom, meeting your personality, figuring out your likes and dislikes, and mostly, seeing you interact with your sister.

Gorilita, I am so blessed that you chose me to be your Mama. And I am thankful every day that although we had a harder pregnancy than anticipated, a rough delivery, and your kidney problem, you are healthy and happy and growing. And you are mine.

I love you,
Mommy

Month Thirty

My Beautiful Girl, you've made it to the second half of your second year, and though this has been a difficult month for all of us you have blossomed into quite the social butterfly.

I promise not to turn your monthly letters into a recap of your sister's life (she'll have her own letters for that) but since she was born this month, I should comment on how you are adjusting. At first, things were good. You were super attached to Zoraya, wanted to help with everything from changing diapers to swaddling to nursing, and at least 10 times per day you'd come to me and ask to hold her. Within the last few days though you've been acting out a bit, crying very easily and throwing tantrums (for most kids, they'd probably be small hissy-fits, but for you it's a full out puddle-on-the-floor tantrum). You also haven't been sleeping as well, waking up very early or very late, and crying when we leave you at night. I know it's hard, and I know we'll get through this. I constantly remind myself that you are only 2. In some ways you seem so much older, much more mature, but in others you are spot-on your age. This is on of them.

You are still very affectionate with your sister though, holding her and helping me to take care of her. Thankfully she sleeps through your noise, banging on the drum Papa bought you for Christmas (which you love, and had a great little jam session with your Popo the other day). I can't wait until she's old enough for you two to play together, and although I know the older you get, the more you'll fight, I also know you'll love her and protect her for the rest of your life.

As for blossoming though, for the past year you have been very shy even around family and people you see often and know. But these past few weeks you have warmed up incredibly fast, and now are playing within 20 minutes as opposed to 2 the 2 hours it used to take you. No exaggeration, you would cling to me for 2 full hours before you'd go play with the kids, and it would take 3-4 hours to interact with the adults. This past Friday you were playing with Popo and Grammy (whom you had never even met before) within about 30 minutes. I love it because people are drawn to you and you have so much fun with them, and I just love seeing the look of delight on both of your faces. So this month my wish for you is that you continue to light up people's lives simply by being your wonderful self.

We haven't been out much, though we are going to see Christmas lights tonight before they take them all down. We did go to a Christmas show and you had a ball watching the dancers and listening to music and learned how to do the chicken dance. The second half of the show was a little dark and we left early, and I think you had a nightmare about the clown, so I'm hoping that isn't something that stays with you forever.

And you've started calling me "Mom" and your Papa "Babe". Nice, huh? I know you are just mimicking what you hear, and it is cute, but I hope the habit doesn't stick. Not very cool when we're out in public and you tell to your Papa "Come over here, Babe!" People stare. Then laugh. Great.

Alright kid, I'm tired. You were up until 11:30pm last night and woke up this morning at 7am, so between that and your sister staying away and fussing until 3am, I need a nap. But I love you, and I promise things will get better. You won't even remember how hard this time is and will be for a while, and I promise that having a sister will eventually be a blessing, even though right now it may feel more like a curse to you. You will always be my angel.

I love you.
"Mom"

The Challenge

This pregnancy, I gained a grand total of 50lbs! Whoot! And I've lost 20 so far, so yay for big babies. But it's time to think about if and how I'm going to be slim again for the summer. I know most people can't tell that I'm still 30lbs over my pre-pregnancy weight, but none of my clothes fit, and that's my biggest motivator.

My darling husband is also about 30lbs away from his ideal weight, so we made a friendly wager: Whoever loses 30lbs first, or the person to lose the most by April 15th gets a sweet prize.

At first he thought I had an unfair advantage because I'm nursing, but I had to remind him that it took me a full 9 months to lose the 41lbs I gained while pregnant with Boogie. And he's got a huge advantage over me since he actually has a gym membership and has a while 16 week course laid out for him. So I think we're mostly even except...

1. I'm going to plateau way before him. We're both carrying extra weight, but my body is going to try to hold onto it as long as possible so that I have reserves for nursing. His isn't, but he'll be gaining muscle while he loses fat, and I'm hoping that will be enough to let me win. :)

2. I have way more willpower when it comes to food and have healthier habits already established. At midnight when we finish a movie and are both a bit hungry, I'm fine with an orange and a glass of water, while he will eat another plate of carne and mandioca. At midnight. Plus, I'll be home and able to prepare my own food when he goes back to work, and he'll most likely be too lazy to bring his food, and will then be eating more calories, fat, etc from take-out.

3. I can't exercise for 4 more weeks, due to my 'birthing injury' so he has almost a month head start on me. But, when I do start I'll probably be carrying Gorilita so I'll burn more calories since I'll be lugging an extra 10-12lbs with me.

So, we'll see. And I'll of course keep a log of how much I'm losing and how... if anything.

Welcome to the World!

Miss Zoraya Alina Caballero, I am so happy to finally meet you.

For the record, I want to explain your name and why all your hospital documents say "Baby Girl Caballero." See, as soon as your Papa and I found out we were having another Princess, we immediately decided that your name would contain "Lina" as a tribute to your great-grandmother Theolina. Papa wanted your first name to be "Alina" and I agreed on the condition that I could pick your middle name, but he vetoed "Sanaa" which was my first choice, so we stopped talking about names.

I started researching, and compiled a list of names. He'd look it over and pick his two favorites, and cross off the ones he absolutely did not like. From the first list Ikayla and Zolaya were the top two. Ikayla I vetoed, and for some reason we started calling you Zoraya. And I guess it just stuck. We didn't discuss names too much because we couldn't agree, so when you were born at the hospital and they asked your name, I said I didn't know yet. Of course your Papa sent a text message to everyone 20 minutes later announcing your name (thank goodness he didn't put Ikayla!) so that decided it. I hope you like it Love, I think it's beautiful.

(For everyone else, as far as I can find the name is either Slavic meaning "dawn" or has an African origin meaning "African princess" or is Arabic for "rich." African princess seems to be the most common. And sort of funny, because Taryn can mean "little princess" in Scandinavian or "Queen" from the Greco-Roman origin. I'm sure she'll go for Queen.)

So on to your birth. Kid, I waited so long for you! You were two days early, but I expected you weeks before that since I had been having contractions and was 3cm dilated since the middle of November. I really thought you would be born on Thanksgiving this year too, that's how strong I was feeling you come, but your big sister told us for 2 weeks that you would be born on Saturday, and though Friday I had practically no symptoms at all, she was right. She also said you would be a girl when I was so sure I was having a boy... crazy.

So Friday night I went to bed around 11:30 after having our second Thanksgiving at the house. I couldn't fall asleep, my legs were cramping and I couldn't get comfortable. I did have a couple contractions, but they weren't painful, just annoying. At about 12:35 I heard a loud *pop* and felt a gush of water soak through my pajamas and onto the bed. I felt you kick around the same time, so either you popped your own bag of waters, or it freaked you out as much as it surprised you, and you kicked right afterwards.

I went to the restroom and looked in a book to make sure having pink fluid was normal while your Papa called Nana to let her know we were going to the hospital. We had to leave a message, and I knew we needed to go right away, so we called Jojo to come watch your big sister, and headed off to the hospital right before 1:00am. Of course Papa's car had no gas in it, so we had to stop and by then the contractions were coming about 3 minutes apart so I told him to put in $2 only (about 1 gallon) or we weren't going to make it to the hospital.

For the next 45 minutes we drove through thick fog with me having contractions every 2 minutes and they were lasting 90 seconds each. I think I scared your Papa but they hurt so bad and were coming so fast all I could do was breathe and roll down the window to distract myself. Papa doesn't see well at night, so I know he was scared of getting in an accident and worried that he couldn't go past the speed limit because he couldn't see more than 15 feet in front of him.

When we were down the street from the hospital (Papa missed the exit, even though I told him, and we had to take the next one) I started to get very worried because I had the feeling you were coming very, very soon. We were stopped at a red light for 2 contractions (the only way for me to measure time in the moment) and as soon as we got through I told him not to stop at any stop signs. As we pulled past the hospital to the ER entrance in the back, I felt the urge to push.

So Papa pulled up at the ER entrance, started honking his horn, then jumped out of the car and ran inside to tell them I was having you. He grabbed a wheelchair and helped me into it, then went to park the car as the nurse brought me upstairs to Labor and Delivery. I kept telling her to hurry, that I needed to push, and she kept trying to reassure me that "It's okay, we're almost there, you'll be okay" but I don't think she believed me. As we got to L&D the nurse there saw how close I was, skipped registration and rushed me into the delivery room. They got me in a gown and held a monitor to my stomach and checked me. I was 7cm.

One contraction later your Papa was upstairs and they checked me again because I told them I really needed to push. I was already 9cm and ready to go. I pushed on the next one, then your Nana showed up. Less than 10 minutes after Papa and I got to the hospital, you were born. I don't think it was supposed to be that fast, but your heartbeat dropped to the 70's and they were worried about brain damage from lack of oxygen. They cut me to get you out faster and you actually broke your collar bone on the way. After you were born, I started to hemorrhage so they gave me an IV of pitocin to stimulate contractions to get my uterus back in shape and stop the bleeding.

And you, my beautiful girl, were born at 1:57 am, less than 1.5 hours after my water broke. You were a healthy 8lbs, 13 ozs and 21 inches long. The midwife who delivered you said if I have another baby, I need to go on the diabetic diet, because they didn't think I could deliver a baby any bigger than you.

And now My Sweet, we finally have you home with us. It's been a mellow few days, you eat like a champ, no problems latching though you do like to stay at the boob constantly in the evenings and you've been pooping up a storm. Like really, the nurses said 1 poop a day is normal right now, and you are averaging 3 a day. You've been letting me sleep well at night so far, 3 hour stretches though I have you in the bed with me since you don't seem to want to stay in the bassinet for anything but naps.

And your sister adores you. She asks to hold you probably 20 times per day, is always climbing up to give you a kiss, or hold your hand, or read you a book while she is in the middle of playing. She revolves around you right now, and I hope that you are able to maintain such a close relationship as you have now. And your Papa is infatuated as well, maybe because you were born with a head of thick black hair, just like his. You two are sleeping on the bed right now, and you look so much alike in this moment, it's uncanny.

That's all for now Kiddo. I love you with all my heart, and I am so glad you are finally here, and healthy and I'm looking forward to spending the rest of my life with you.

Love,
Mama