Month One

My Dearest Frogger,

We made it a month! Not a huge feat as aside from the last week you have been a pretty easy-going baby, sleeping stretches far longer than I had ever encountered in the first half-year of life with your sister, and no problems at all nursing, unless constant boob-suction for hours every evening is a problem.

As I type this with three fingers, you are nestled in my left arm, snoring away. Yes, I could put you down and type, but if I do that two things could happen ... 1) You might wake up and then I'd have to wait for your Papa and sister to get back from the park, then dinner, baths, my shower, putting Boogie to sleep, and Papa bouncing you to sleep on the exercise ball before I could finish, or 2) You might start gagging on the snot from your first cold ever which is dripping down your throat, wake yourself up then [insert list above]. So it's you and me for a while.

Not much happened this month to be honest. You missed Thanksgiving by a couple of days, but we did have a nice family-filled Christmas. I'm going to be honest, you didn't get much, mostly token gifts that your sister opened for you anyway, and Mama opened you a savings account. I'm going to wait to put your money in your 529 school account until the economy gets a bit better, but we are already saving for you. It's funny writing this, because you are such a huge part of your sister's day, but she doesn't play much of a role in yours. Ah, but that will change, and soon, I think.

You fart a lot. I hope this doesn't embarrass you later, but you do. Like, all day long, and people holding you can always feel it. I have to reassure them you're just pooting away and not pooping, and thank goodness that has gotten under control too. Twice a day and not at night, yeah! You've spit up only a few times, and only when it's totally inconvenient for us, but such is life.

I'm curious to see what you and Tygir's relationship is like later. She's not too happy with the sleeping arrangements right now, you, me and her in the bed, Papa and the puppies in the guest room. Used to be her and I when I was pregnant with you, and though I know the crying bothers her (she'll wander around meowing while you scream, especially during baths... why don't you like them?) and to show us she's not happy, she's been peeing on your carseat and sling. Which is nasty, but even worse because it usually leaks onto a whole other mess of stuff, and cat pee is a nasty smell. So, we'll see. She didn't like Taryn crying either, but I don't remember her defiling her property. So my wish for you this month is that animals learn to love you. It makes life so much easier to be in tune with your furry friends, and I'm sure this setback is just temporary.

Two more things I need to tell you. We call you Gorilita. Sorry. You're pretty much huge compared to Taryn, I'm guessing you're around 11lbs already, and tall, and we used to call her monkey, but I notice in the hospital you more closely resemble a gorilla with your dark full head of hair and your intense dark eyes. Maybe it'll stick, maybe not, but your huge squishy cheeks and kind of hunched-over stance just add to the effect.

The other is more serious, and I'm sorry if this hurts you later. I need you to know that this is normal, that my mother felt the same way about me, and if you decide to have children, it will be normal for you as well. When you were first born, I was sort of indifferent about you. I loved you immediately, but didn't feel really bonded to you. I have been so in love with your sister for the past 2.5 years and couldn't really imagine loving another child as much as I adored her. It wasn't post-partum depression, but it took a couple weeks for me to really want to spend time with you. Part of it is the fact that infants literally poop, eat and sleep, there is very little interaction in the first couple weeks, and I was trying to make sure Taryn didn't feel jealous or angry about you being born. Part of it is that I half-expected you to be just like her, and part of it is probably just a natural part of a major change, adjusting to having a bigger family, not being pregnant, etc.

I can say now that I am totally into you though. I love snuggling with you, how you put your nose into the fold of my neck when I am carrying you, and how I catch you just watching me when you are in your sling. I love that you calm so easily in my arms, and one thing that I can't say about your sister is that I am actually enjoying having an infant. You are just so easy-going it's a pleasure to stay up with you for hours because you aren't crying, you're just awake, and we can read books or watch a movie or whatever. You are a baby that would *almost* make me want another one if I could guarantee a pain-free delivery, a good eater and sleeper, and an extra set of hands. I'm all about full disclosure here, so I want you to know that in the beginning, I didn't cry when I first saw you, I slept in the hospital instead of staying awake to watch you sleep, but now, a month into our new life, I couldn't imagine myself without you. I am so looking forward to seeing you grow and blossom, meeting your personality, figuring out your likes and dislikes, and mostly, seeing you interact with your sister.

Gorilita, I am so blessed that you chose me to be your Mama. And I am thankful every day that although we had a harder pregnancy than anticipated, a rough delivery, and your kidney problem, you are healthy and happy and growing. And you are mine.

I love you,
Mommy