While watching Cloverfield....

Me: You would go back and get me right?

P: Yeah...no.

Me: What if I was pregnant?

P: Then I'd think about it.

He still thinks he did a lot more than he really did.

P: So are you getting an epidural this time?

Me: No...

P: What the F*ck?

Me: Well, I already know I don't need one, and anyway, think about all the problems it could cause for me and the baby!

P: You're having this one alone, this time.

Me: Yeah, because you totally pushed Taryn out for me, right?

P: Exactly.

Month Twenty-Two

Well Baby-Love, you are officially twenty-two months old today, which may not seem like a big deal, but think about it. You got your first haircut this month, you were weaned, gave up your binkie and rode a pony for the first time. You are like, almost a teenager already!

Sweetie, I wish I could write a nice long letter to you, but this morning sickness caused by your little brother (I think...we'll see) is kicking my butt. I feel awful, and I know this may just be the first of many reasons you'll ask me to return it once it's here, but you have been a doll for Mama when I'm sick, giving me the biggest hugs and kisses, and brushing my hair for me.

You have also been into destroying the house too, dumping piles of everything everywhere, and to be honest, I'm just too tired to keep cleaning so the house is a mess. But I think it's fun for you, like an obstacle course or something. Plus, you keep finding random Cheerios on the ground and hold it up proudly yelling, "Cheerio!" (or maybe cereal, they sort of sound the same out of your mouth) and you pop it in before I can dive off the couch to grab it from you.

We got you a new "car" too, your jogging stroller that you love riding in, though I have unfortunately been too sick and tired to take you out much, but next month, I swear, we'll be out and about hiking (no running) a few times a week. You're adorable in it, with your little feet kicked up on the snack tray, your water bottle cozied up next to your belly. And you're pointing out everything you see now, a car, an autobus, cocos, puppy's babies... I love it.

Baby, considering the circumstances, my wish for you this month is that when you grow up, if you decide to have kids (after college, and a house, and a loving partner have been secured) I hope you don't have morning sickness. And if you do, I hope it isn't too severe, and that it's limited to one part of the day, not all day long like Mama's. And I hope your loving partner is as fantastic as your Papa has been, cooking and letting me sleep for hours on end... in the middle of the day.

Only two more months and you'll be two! I'm planning your birthday already. And Sweetie, I really loved when you called me Mommy. What's up with the Mama again now?

I love you.
Mama

Morning Sickness Sucks

Especially when it's not limited to the morning hours.

But, I am grateful for some sort of physical proof that I am actually knocked up, since I haven't seen the little booger, or heard it's heartbeat yet. And the Doc said if you have morning sickness, you are much less likely to miscarry, so for that, I am very grateful.

Yoo-hoo! Universe? Are you listening?

I've wondered a lot if a person can be unlucky, or just lacking luck? I don't want to call myself unlucky, tradjedy does not befall me at every step, and I'm thankful every day for the health and safety of me and my family and friends... BUT.

I am most definitely lacking in the luck department.

I still haven't won anything. Remember November 2006? Six months after my daughter was born, and I managed, even through traveling to the Appalachians, to post every single day in that month on this blog. I know you remember, right? You may also recall that I won! I won a prize! And then let's also recall the fact that my prize was never mailed to me. Ever.

And the crappy-est part is that I'm surrounded by people who are receiving massive blessings-in-disguise and money. Money, you hear? That's what I'm wating for. To my pals who burned down thier kitchen and got a complete remodel and the rest of the house painted for $1000? I'm happy for you. And Tere and P who each had/will have 4 month paid severace (aka vacation) plus unemployment to look for a new job, that's awesome. And Mom, I'm sorry your car got totalled, but damn! That was a nice check they gave you for a new one!

So now I ask: what about me? Mr./Ms. Universe, I'm totally waiting here. I would love a new car, or a paid vacation (and no, maternity leave does not count because I'm only paid for half, and it is faaaar from a vacation), or even just a nice chunk of change because.... well, because I'm me. And I think that I deserve something nice once in a while. Something that I didn't buy for myself, or ask P to buy for me.

The last thing I remember winning was Dumbo and Cinderella VHS's at Disneyland. When I was like 7. And it was my mom's winning ticket she gave to me, not even mine. And karma? Dude, I've been totally beng nice to people, letting them merge in front of me, and helping little old ladies cross the street... Okay, not that last one, but I always say hi to the old lady next door and bring her cookies when I bake.

So please? Can I get something for nothing? Or something BIG for verry little?

Sincerely,
Aletta C

To Help Me Remember Loving Guidance

I was having a conversation with myself this morning (nothing new there) trying to figure out why I thought that I am a good mom. The phrase that kept running through my mind was "She's happy, healthy, and I love spending time with her." Nothing else.

I couldn't quantify the things that I do for her, putting her needs in front of my own, the money spent or any other countable list of perks she enjoys by having me in her life. And it's not that I don't, but from various conversations and articles read in the last week, and contemplations on how the heck we are going to make it all work with 2, I don't think those material things or self-sacrafice necessarily make a person a good parent. They definitely come along with the job, but I judge myself as a parent based on how my daughter lives in the world. If she's thriving, that means I'm doing a good job.

When I was pregnant with Taryn, I think a lot of people probably questioned my ability to take care of another person. I wasn't the mother hen of the group, and while I enjoyed my friends' kids, there would come a point when I just had enough. And it's funny, because I still feel that way about other people's kids, sometimes I just don't want to hear them anymore, but I don't with Taryn. I think that's a fault many parents have, excusing their own child's annoying habits and attacking other parents when their kid does the same thing, but I've striven to help Taryn be a child that people like to be around.

Some people are rude and call her a brat, but those people have unrealistic expectations for a toddler. Some people have issues with some of her more agggressive actions because they don't realize that it's developmentally appropriate and they don't see their children taking equally aggressive actions towards her. And then there are other people, like my brother Jeff, who simply adores her. And even though I think he expects a lot from her, I see her rising to those expectations and becoming an even more engaging, charming, intelligent, manually dexterous little girl because she has loving guidance in her life.

And I realized that having expectations for your child, helping him or her to become a good person, caring enough to tell her when she's doing something wrong, teaching him how to act around other people, these are all major parts of being a good parent. It isn't enough to give them what they want, to make sure you have enough toys and a fully-funded college education. It isn't enough to have your kid decked out in brand-name clothes and doing tons of extra curricular activities.

I think I'm a good parent because I'm trying to instill values in my daughter, to teach her an honorable way to live, how to express herself without hitting or biting, to listen to someone of authority when they tell her not to run in the street, to love books, and foster her creativity and teach her to be compassionate towards others and be kind to animals. To generally be a good person. That's what I want for her, and that is what I am actively teaching her. And I try to surround her with people who will continue that teaching with her and show her other ways of living and new foods and meet new and interesting people.

She's Totally Cool with Scissors by Her Face

We took Boogie to get her hair cut this weekend. For the first time. I thought she wa going to freak out, having a stranger put a sharp object that close to her face, but she didn't seem to mind at all. She watched the scissors for a few seconds, then just looked down at her smock and watched the hair tumbledown the plastic. I kept a handful for her baby book, and we took a lot of pictures with our phones to capture the scene because it was a spur-of-the-moment stop at Super Cuts.

Next tinme though, we are going to take her to a real hairstylist (for kids) because this woman cut her hair super short in the back, and P was pissed when we left because he said she looks like a boy again. But Boogie was funny, because this morning before I brought her down to Jojo, she grabbed a ski hat and refused to take it off to she her hair off! I think it's cute though, she looks like a little pixie.

After Super Cuts we brought her over to the Farmer's Market and she got to ride her first pony! She had a death grip on the rope and her knuckles were turning white she was holding it so tightly. She seems to have fun though, she was smiling and petting the pony's neck, and the guy leading it took us around a few extra times, so she got a nice long ride.

Why I Need a Female OB This Time Around

So when I went to the Doc yesterday and asked what I can do about morning sickness, and he said not to force myself to eat solids. It's fine it I could only keep liquids down because...

"You have enough reserves to last the first couple of months."

Nice.