To Help Me Remember Loving Guidance

I was having a conversation with myself this morning (nothing new there) trying to figure out why I thought that I am a good mom. The phrase that kept running through my mind was "She's happy, healthy, and I love spending time with her." Nothing else.

I couldn't quantify the things that I do for her, putting her needs in front of my own, the money spent or any other countable list of perks she enjoys by having me in her life. And it's not that I don't, but from various conversations and articles read in the last week, and contemplations on how the heck we are going to make it all work with 2, I don't think those material things or self-sacrafice necessarily make a person a good parent. They definitely come along with the job, but I judge myself as a parent based on how my daughter lives in the world. If she's thriving, that means I'm doing a good job.

When I was pregnant with Taryn, I think a lot of people probably questioned my ability to take care of another person. I wasn't the mother hen of the group, and while I enjoyed my friends' kids, there would come a point when I just had enough. And it's funny, because I still feel that way about other people's kids, sometimes I just don't want to hear them anymore, but I don't with Taryn. I think that's a fault many parents have, excusing their own child's annoying habits and attacking other parents when their kid does the same thing, but I've striven to help Taryn be a child that people like to be around.

Some people are rude and call her a brat, but those people have unrealistic expectations for a toddler. Some people have issues with some of her more agggressive actions because they don't realize that it's developmentally appropriate and they don't see their children taking equally aggressive actions towards her. And then there are other people, like my brother Jeff, who simply adores her. And even though I think he expects a lot from her, I see her rising to those expectations and becoming an even more engaging, charming, intelligent, manually dexterous little girl because she has loving guidance in her life.

And I realized that having expectations for your child, helping him or her to become a good person, caring enough to tell her when she's doing something wrong, teaching him how to act around other people, these are all major parts of being a good parent. It isn't enough to give them what they want, to make sure you have enough toys and a fully-funded college education. It isn't enough to have your kid decked out in brand-name clothes and doing tons of extra curricular activities.

I think I'm a good parent because I'm trying to instill values in my daughter, to teach her an honorable way to live, how to express herself without hitting or biting, to listen to someone of authority when they tell her not to run in the street, to love books, and foster her creativity and teach her to be compassionate towards others and be kind to animals. To generally be a good person. That's what I want for her, and that is what I am actively teaching her. And I try to surround her with people who will continue that teaching with her and show her other ways of living and new foods and meet new and interesting people.