Cloudy, Cloudy Day

I'm walking up a long, wide, winding staircase. On either side are ornately carved wooden banisters, the kind you see wealthy folks sliding down in the movies. The stairs are carpeted in a rich burgungdy colored Persian pattern with forest green and gold accents, and it is so thick it feels like walking on a cloud. I look behind me to see where I came from, but the bottom of the stairs is shrouded in deep black shadows. Up ahead, I hear the din of a party, muted laughter, glasses clinking, and I can faintly see the stairs ahead lit in the soft yellow glow of candles.

A friend calls out to me, and I reply that I am almost there. I quicken my pace on the stairs, but the light never gets brighter, the laughter never gets louder, and I never reach the party. I am perpetually trying to make it up those stairs to where everyone else is having fun, but my world is just darker, more quiet, and more lonely than everyone else's.

I'm starting to feel that familiar cloud covering my world again. I think the adrenaline and hormones from having the baby have dropped off, and my one reliable pal, Depression, is visiting again. So sorry for the lack of posts lately, things just aren't as funny as they used to be, and sorry in advance if I am pissier than normal, but that's how it flares up in me. I have a temper normally, but I have no patience at all right now, everything annoys me or makes me cry, so I choose to stay on my self-administered exile rather than alienate all you good folks.

Maybe I can find something to write about that isn't all a rant.... Maybe. Taryn is the one light in my life at the moment, but it's not fair to put such pressure on a baby angel like that. I'm working on finding out how to make myself feel better without the meds, just might take me a while.