Nobody's Valentine

I was taking my shower this evening, and felt this overwhelming grief and sadness. I don't know why, but I'm just feeling depressed and hopeless right now.

I feel like a jerk to complain, but with V-day coming up, I just feel really lonely. I know there are those folks out there who really have no one, and at least I can count on a box of cheap chocolates from Safeway when P gets home. I guess I just keep hoping that one day he'll do something for me, something special without me hinting at it first.

I just wish I was someone's favorite.

I think it started coming up talking to Diana at work today, and telling her that my supervisor, who is very on top of things, just completely blows me off when I ask for help. He gets back to everyone else so quickly, but completely forgets to email me back, or sign off on my vacation, or answer my questions. And I don't go to him for much because I'm not the person to keep bugging and bugging until I get an answer, and with him it seems like that is what I have to do to get even a simple reply.

Fuck me and my pity-party. I'm just sad and lonely tonight. Tomorrow it's sure to be worse with the inevitable question, "What did your husband get you for V-day?"

And I have one of two answers. I can lie, and say he hasn't given it to me yet, or lie and say "we" decided not to do anything so we could save up our money for our anniversary party next month. The other answer would be to tell the truth and say that he never does shit for me without my asking for something specifically, and even then sometimes gets too busy to follow through. Then I'd have to grin and bear the uncomfortable condolences from co-workers who's partners make them a fancy dinner, or buy them expensive jewelry, or take them on exotic trips.

Joy, oh-FN-joy.

Even complete A-hole husbands who fuck up 364 days out of the year will send their wives flowers tomorrow. And I'm left with nothing.

Again.

Like always.