*sigh*

It's 10 am on a beautiful Monday morning. I'm not feeling too sick anymore, I have the day off work, Taryn just went down for a nap after we had fun cleaning up her room, it's a perfect day so far.

And I just want to curl up in a ball and cry.

I hate this feeling. I hate knowing I'm missing a beautiful day because my neurotransmitters are out of whack. I'm supposed to go on a hike with Nonny today, and the baby, and I just don't want to. I don't want to prepare myself to see the world. I know I'll feel better once I've showered and gotten out of the house, but that's the hardest thing to do right now.

I think it's almost harder to be depressed and know that I'm depressed. At least if I was unaware, I could nurse my feelings in the privacy of my bedroom, pretend that I don't know what will make me feel better, pretend that if i just stay hidden, in the dark, that tomorrow the sun might peek out at me again. But I can't do it. I can't intentionally make myself suffer, as much as I may want to, when I know what to do to feel a little better.

*sigh*

Off to the shower. Off to wash this darkness off of me, and hopefully if I can pretend long enough that this little cloud over my head isn't really there, then it will go away soon.