Mind-Tripping

I am all about intention, and I know I'm being sensitive, but I'm getting super-irked lately with the flippant comments people are making. And I'm not trying to be passive-aggressive here, I'm really not, because I know I'm reading waaaay too much into them and getting hurt over nothing.

Like saying my baby is screaming like a banshee because she's "just learning she can do it" even though a conversation was just had in front of you about me imitiating her and possibly encouraging her to do it. And this pissed me off for two reasons, even though I know it wasn't said to be mean, because first, she was screaming in pain and any mother could see that she was in serious pain, the bright red face and tears and snot running down her face, her lips turning blue from not breathing enough, arching her back and generally being inconsolable to the point I was shaking I was so scared of what might be wrong with her and considering taking her to the ER and having P drive Ally back to work. She doesn't cry like that for fun. And second it's insinuating that it's my fault she was crying, which okay, if she was playing around that would be one thing, but skew it to my fucked up brain and it makes it sound like it's my fault she was screaming in pain.

Moving on.

Or commenting when I tell someone that I'm working overtime that you aren't so desperate for money that you would drive out here for OT and miss spending time with your child. (Finish reading before you come over here...you know who you are). I know it wasn't malicious, and I know you'd never say anything to hurt me and I know you're going to apologize once you read this, but I kept hearing that little phrase in my head and I started to get pissed. Not at you, but at the fact that yes, I'm broke. Financially, as a couple P and I are royally fucked right now, and I'm already frustrated that he's got so much debt that just gets higher and higher. And for some reason mine fells totally manageable, maybe because I make more, or maybe because I don't blow money on bullshit like he does. And I started to get embarassed and ashamed of myself for the situation that I'm stuck in: having to miss 1 day of my weekend to work overtime so that I can buy Taryn presents for her birthday. It's fucking lame, and I pissed at the damn situation.

And just to round it out, I'm frustrated why someone can be pissed that her partner doesn't defend her when she is called names by other people in front of his face, and in the next breath call my husband an idiot, and stupid and all types of shit. It doesn't make sense to me the double standard, that it's not okay to call you names, but it's okay for you to call him names? I know that person was going through a rough time, and I didn't want to detract from the point of the story, but damn. That's just fucked up.

*sigh*

So anyway. I've been hyper-sensitive lately, I know it. That's why I don't say anything. I know it's my mental fuck-ups that make me read so much more into things than a normal person but I had to vomit this all out before I drove myself crazy, running around and around the situations like a hamster on a freaking wheel.