Problems.

In my family growing up, it was perfectly fine and normal to show anger. So posting two opposite blogs back-to-back wasn't really a problem for me.

I'm sick of feeling like the only place I can really talk and explain myself is on this blog. And not that I want to stop blogging, but it irritates me that I have to take so much time to think things through before I respond.

Someone commented to me today that it was "funny" the two blogs I posted about P, and I didn't really say anything in response because I didn't understand the comment. Just because I'm pissed at him doesn't mean I love him any less, and just because one day I blog about loving him madly with all my heart, doesn't mean his faults are any less annoying. I guess I can see where it came from, but for me it's normal. Maybe being able to hold extreme opposites at the same time is a quality more easiely possessed by Geminis, I don't know.

Maybe the "funny" part is that I am able to express both emotions? I know for a lot of people, it's not acceptable to be angry. Maybe I'm just tired and hungry and irritable right now, and the feeling of being misunderstood it more than I want to deal with at the moment.

I think I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed with other people's "stuff" lately. I feel like I want to hide out for a while, sit in my office with the door closed and not see anyone for the rest of the day. Maybe I'm depressed that my life is so much plainer than everyone else's. People want to gush about all their exciting plans for the weekend, and me? I have nothing to do. I take Taryn to the park. Or on a walk with the dogs.

I feel like I should be doing more, but I don't want to. I don't want to be tired and hungover at work. I don't want to spend an hour getting ready to go to a club. I want to have coffee with my friends and watch the babies play, but I haven't cultivated friendships like that.

I just feel super-overwhelmed and super-misunderstood today. I have clients calling for updates on cases, I have people wanting to tell me about their lives, their friends, their pregnancies, and I just need to recoup alone for a little while.

Sorry.

I feel like a sponge today, already full of other people's water, and I need to dry out a bit to make room for myself. I need some quiet time. It's not that I don't care, really, I think I might care too much, and carry too much, and I don't have much time to talk about myself and my baby, my marriage ... except on here. Sad, eh? And I know it's not healthy, so I'm trying to change it, but today, I just don't have the energy. I don't have the energy to focus on myself and definitely not to focus on anyone else.