Dead Eyes

I don't normally get angry at clients. I feel like for the most part I can empathize with those people with mental health issues, and sympathize with the ones with serious medical problems. But yesterday I had a client who not only made personal attacks on me, she became hysterical, made a complaint about me, and was generally difficult when I was giving more time and effort to her than I do to most clients.

And I don't know when my frustration turned to anger, but I felt all the emotion drain from my face and I just sat and stared at her blankly while she ranted and raved, calling me immature and inexperienced, saying I was too young to know what she was going through and after spending close to 4 hours with her over the past three days, trying to piece her situation together and get a determination as quickly as possible, she got angry that I hadn't processed her case yet.

And I had to break it down for her that she was not my only client. And that the four hours I spent with her could have been used to process cases, and if that was how my time was being spent, and if she had all her documents back to me, I may have been able to tell her something difinitive.

But she didn't get me everyting. And she still wasted my time.

And after I left work, she left me three more messages, apologizing for how she was acting. But obviously the apology came after she complained to my supervisor about me. And I'm not taking the complaint personally. She may have had a personal problem with my age, but I know the over-arching issue was the process she was frustrated with, and my age was the only part of my involvement that she could attack. So fine.

But I'm still miffed as to why I was so angry with her. I think a part of it was I did expect some gratitude for my going above and beyond my job description to try to help her get things straightened out. Partly I think I was tired and frustrated with my ineffective attempts to get her to understand me and how the program is going to treat her income.

So I gave her the dead eyes. I stared at her, trying to rationalize her behavior in my mind. Not giving away how much I just didn't care anymore. That really bothers me. That I was so angry that I just didn't care what happened to her anymore.