Happy First Birthday Boogie!

At this time last year, my water had just broken and I thought I was peeing myself rather than actually being in labor. Since you were early, the floor wasn't finished in your room, we didn't have a bassinette or a swing, and really, emotionally, I wasn't exactly prepared to be a Mama. But then I saw your beautiful, sweet, serene face, and I forgot everything except how happy I was that you were alive and healthy.



The first month you pretty much just slept. And ate. A lot. I spent hours nursing you and watching Six Feet Under from DVDs we rented at the video store. We didn't leave the house much, except to sit on the front porch while I drank a cup of coffee, the one thing I really missed while I was pregnant with you. A lot of it was a blur, but I remember just sitting and watching you sleep, my heart so full of love and appreciation of you that I honestly felt that it might burst. Sometimes I would be so overwhelmed with my feelings of wanting to protect you, that I couldn't even breathe.



It sounds cheesy, but if you ever have a child, you'll understand. The second month was harder. You spent a lot of time crying. Mostly starting around 11pm until maybe 4am. The only way you would sleep is if your Papa was walking with you, or I held you on my chest. We swore up and down before you were born that you would be a crib baby, but this month we spent so much time on the couch with you or in bed, that it just became easier to let you sleep with us. And we discovered the infant swing, which finally let us sleep without holding you. We went through probably 10 batteries the first two weeks we had it.



The bigger you got, the more like a real person you became. The smiling, laughing, holding onto fingers and toys... it was so fun just to watch you try to figure out the world. When we would go on walks through the mall or downtown after having coffee with Erika and Dakota strangers would stop me to tell me how incredibly beautiful you are. They had no idea how intelligent you also were, and how strong, since you were standing by yourself while holding onto the futon before most babies could lift their heads.



The older you got, the less hairy you were as well. I thought maybe I had birthed a monkey at first, you were covered in this dark brown fuzz from the nape of your neck to the small of your back. And you absolutley hated to be too hot. When we bathed you in the sink, you'd stick your hand under the running water from your hammock, and try to grab at the shiny silver handle. Some people had a hard time with you, as you had this tendency to spit up on anyone and everyone, and the exploding diapers were no joke.



But always a happy baby. You smiled at the dogs, at strangers, at shadows on the wall. After your months of crying, it was such a relief to see you happy and enjoying yourself wherever you went. And even though I was sleep deprived until you were about 6 months old, after the first few months, when I got used to being bleary-eyed and having no memory, I treasured the hours spent nursing you in the dark, rocking and singing to you. The sweet smell of baby made everything okay.



We worried for a little while that you may always be thin-haired, and it seems like in the last month you've really started to grow into yourself. Your features make you look older than you really are, you have the most expressive face I've ever seen on a baby, and your hair is getting very long and thick, and dark like your Papa's. We're holding out hope that you have curly hair like me, so you can at least have the choice of curly or straight, though you won't appreciate it until you are much older, I'm sure.



These last couple months, you've also had a voracious appetite for real food. You've always been a fantastic nurser, after that first week when we were both trying to figure out how to latch you on, and even now you'll choose the titty over solids. But in a typical meal you'll have some Cheerios to start, while I prepare your food, main course is some pureed meat and veggies, maybe some seasoned rice. Then we try some cooked plain veggies, maybe avocado if we've got organic ones at home. Top that off with some shredded cheese, and finally plain yogurt mixed with fresh pureed fuit for dessert. And of course, you want the boob at the very end to wash it all down. Really, I'm surprised you don't spit up more, your stomach must be the size of your head.



This month you've also mastered walking. And I mean, really mastered it. You cruised for the last month or so, and you'd take six or seven hesitant steps if we really enticed you with a toy or treat, but the past week and a half you'll just randomly stand up on your own and start walking. It's crazy to see you stagger around like a geriatric drunk, dragging a pillow or your bath towel with you, falling over the dogs, and giggling like a crazy woman. I've tried not to encourage you too much to walk, because that's the end of leaving the baby gates open and now I have to figure out a way to keep you from eating the dog food.



I was trying to think of your favorite toy this month. I bought you a pool which you dig, but I think you'll have more fun there when Jackson can get in with you. And you've got a piano your Papa bought you that you'll play and dance with at the same time. The Costco box we brought home is still filled with your blanket and pillow you Nonny brought over and some toys, and the dogs are always fun to pull on. But I think you favorite toy is probably Jackson, to be honest. You pet his head like a stuffed animal, pull his binkie out and pop it back in, push him over and crawl on top of him to reach something over his head. I hope you're at least a bit more gentle with much younger kids. Like a little brother or sister?



I don't think I can ever express to you how much I love you. I don't think you will understand until you have your own children, if you choose to do so. There is nothing in the world I wouldn't do to make you happy. And I'm sorry about the ear piercing this month. I know it scared you, but you were such a champ, and halleluja, the pains a balloon can make disappear! I am so grateful that you chose me as your Mama. And I am so proud of everything you have accomplished this year. Even your development this month has stunned me, that it seems like just yesterday you were sleeping on my chest, your little arms wrapped around my body, a tiny trickle of drool in the corner of your mouth and now... now you walk, and you know "more" and "hungry" in sign language, you cuddle when you're tired, and you bring toys to me that you want to play with. I'm amazed by you, every day.



So my Sweet Angel, Sweets, Sweetie, Boogie, T-Boog, Sousa, Duckie, SweetPea, Angie-Boo, My Darling, darling Taryn. Happy Birthday to you. I love you more than words to express, and I promise to tell you so much that you never forget. I love you, and I'm so proud of you, and I couldn't have imagined a better daughter in the world. My wish for you this month is that you always remember how much you are loved, no matter the circumstances in your life. You will always be surrounded by people who love you, and I hope you carry that with you, even when Mama and Papa aren't with you, you will alwyas be loved.



Happy Birthday.

Love Mommy.