Stop and Think Before You Do Anything

I've just spent the last hour reading Paulo Coelho's blog. I love it. I feel inspired by his words and wisdom, and at the same time reassured that there is no need for me to struggle to acheive anything. He mentions a lot that we are each on a path, and that our attitude towards life will affect our journey, but we still have the same destiny to fulfill.

I feel like I'm always struggling. And not always for a purpose. Self-imposed deadlines and imagined competition. I'm always trying to do better than I did before, but without the acceptance that maybe it was good enough. I focus so much on the details and try to stay on top of things, but I'm missing the bigger picture. And I worry that my mindstate is inborn, that I don't have enough control to be less in control.

In an almost out-of-body sense, I truly do not feel in control of my actions very often. I feel like I'm deing driven by some invisible force, that I am constantly reacting to the world instead of slowing down and taking the time to make conscious decisions. Ha. I have to take control of myself, in order to be less in control. Oxymoron much?

I don't really want to stop and think before I act. I want to be at a slow enough pace that I don't have to stop in order to think. But I lose my mindfulness when I'm stressed, and I get stressed when I'm angry, and I get angry when anything isn't how I expected it to be, and I know my expectations are a huge hurdle to overcome but when I feel like I'm struggling just for survival, it's hard to focus on the little things. Even when it's the little things that make it easier to survive.