Bridges Out of Poverty

Yesterday, I went to the most amazing workshop I have attended in my life.

Not only was the presenter a down-to-earth, friendly, empathetic, knowledgeable and funny woman, the information she presented has answered so many questions that I have had in my life, and given me so much insight into my own situation that I am stunned. It’s like a light bulb has gone off in my head, and I am dying to learn more about myself and my clients.

There has been a disconnect between my husband and myself since we were married, and I honestly am in the wrong because I chalked up his “laziness” to being unmotivated. The reality that I have come to realize today is that I am operating in the frame of mind of the middle class, where hard work (see last post), achievement and material wealth are my guiding principals. I am working my ass off every day to give Boogie a better life than I had, and I am overwhelmed and frustrated with the prospect of doing that myself.

Pedro, however, has been operating on a basis of poverty, where his values are very different than mine. He is focused on entertainment as a mental stimulus that he is not receiving anywhere else, and rather than hard work, he counts on his relationships to bring him through hard times.

This is not so much an Aha! for me, because they are differences that I have observed and lamented in the past, but this workshop put it in a contextual framework that makes sense. She pulls together all these little pieces of information that I have gleaned from my life, and makes it a cohesive theory, while simultaneously providing insight in what we can do to improve our interactions with people who operate on a different level than we do.

I was also so grateful to have some validation to the pruning of my friendship tree (my lame phrase, not Dr. Payne’s) that I did after high school. She said that in order for us to operate on the next higher level, we sometimes have to leave behind those relationships that are no longer working for us. The people that I stopped interacting with were fine with being where they were, and maybe had lofty expectations of their lives, but were not making moves to induce any type of change. I always felt that there was a difference between me and them, and maybe that was part of it. I wasn’t satisfied with where I was, I wanted to do better, I had the motivation to make changes in my life, and I had to let them and my old ways go before I could do that.

And once again I was reminded how lucky I was to have such an amazing woman as a mother. I really don’t think that if she hadn’t instilled in me a sense that I could do better than what I was mostly exposed to, that if she hadn’t connected me with professional women as role models, if she hadn’t encouraged me to help other people, thereby helping myself in the process, I may never have made it as far as I have.

More later, I have to go home and see my angel, but this is definitely not the last you’ll hear of this..