Is it weird to pray in the shower? My life is so loud, so hectic, to scattered, that sometimes I feel like the only time that I have to myself, that I won't be interrupted, is when I shower before bed. I don't pray when I'm washing to goodies, that's just a bit weird to me, but the sound of the water hitting the tub drowns out the madness of the world around me and I feel like I can be centered and focused and talk with God.
The truth is, when I try to pray in another setting, I lose focus. My mind wanders, or I'm interrupted, and so I've really come to love my time in the shower, just me and the cat, sitting on the toilet lid meowing (I think she's scared I'm getting hurt by the water...like she does), and my thoughts.
One of the things me and my God have been discussing the past few nights is patterns. I've been perplexed for years that it is so easy to recognize patterns in other people, and so difficult to see them in oneself. My biggest struggles in life have been how to break myself of certain patterns, in thoughts, actions, and more importantly, reactions.
Like very recently, I heard a statement from someone and even though I knew it had nothing to do with me, I was still bothered by it. These patterns jumped out at me and I was pissed at what was said, but rather than react to it, I mulled it over for a few hours and realized that it's not fair to anyone for me to hold someone accountable for something that they are probably not aware of. Capice?
For instance, if you have a client who keeps promising to get something done, every time they are coming up on a deadline they ask for more time, more time, always just a little bit longer because life is in their way, at what point do you deny their benefits? Can you fault someone who is so focused on survival that maybe they can't grasp the importance of returning a paper to you, or filing for unemployment, even though you've told them they can't have benefits without it? And when you deny them, and they reapply, and you get stuck in that same dance again... I can csee the pattern, but THEY cannot. How to you make someone aware of a pattern that is damaging to themselves, and that sometimes is hurting the people aroudn them? How do you explain to a homeless single mother that unless she goes to child support, she can't have her cash grant?
Another thing God and I have been discussing is when it's appropriate to open my mouth, when to keep it shut, and the wisdom to know the difference. Or something like that. I hesitate to tell people what I notice because I don't want to be offensive (or hello! a freaking hypocrite) but am I doing them a disservice by keeping it to myself?
Ah, so many questions, so little time. Good thing I shower every night.
(almost)
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