The Faith of a Mustard Seed

Today sucked.

I was up at 6:30, even though Boogie was still sleeping. His side of the bed was cold. He slept downstairs of his own volition, pissed off about something I had said the night before. But it was true. He's been home every night when she goes to sleep, aside from a handful of times, and I don't think he's done her book routine for the past year. He never wants to, and I gave up fighting him to do it. Like other things in her life that he knows nothing about, it's his own fault that he doesn't take the time.

He didn't like hearing that.

So Boogie and I went to the store, and couldn't find a single 10x13 frame. And we needed two for her photos. We had fun shopping though, rummaging at Target and Ross, but ended up getting back late and found Nana waiting outside for us. Second person that day my lack of awareness affected.

I was running late for the vet appointment but didn't stress too much because you usually have to wait at least 30 minutes to be seen. When I got there, I left a note that we were on time, and took them out for a nice long walk, strolling for about 30 minutes while soaking up the sun and just relaxing with my two babies.

When we got back, I put them in the car with the AC on, and went back in to check how long until their visit. Nobody was available, so I went back outside, since I had already asked for them to call me and tell me when to come inside. Then I realized that the clicker for my car doesn't work when the car is on. And the dogs were locked inside.

Third and fourth beings I screwed over today.

Called Nana, she left Boogie with a friend and came to try to help. We ended up calling that friend to come with her AAA to get the caar unlocked, and by then, it had already been about 45 minutes. So Nana put Boogie to sleep, and the friend and I chatted in the sun, a nice distraction from the f'ed up situation I was in, until she tripped over a rock, fell, and broke her arm.

FUCK. Fifth person that ended up in a worse situation...because of me.

While debating if I should call an ambulance or drive her to the ER in her car (while on hold with 911), the tow truck shows up and unlocks the door. Good for me, but then I have to drive her to Kaiser ER and I feel shitty for the whole situation, and for the fact that I can't go in and wait because I still have the dogs in the car, and we figured it would be better if Nana went to wait with her, and I went home to Boogie.

When I got home from the ER at 2, the vet's office called to say they were ready to see us. My appointment had been for 11:30. I'm looking for a new vet.

I was scared to leave the house to go grocery shopping, no idea what was in store for me next. So I took a short nap, got Boogie up, played and ate, and things were going okay until P comes home, obviously still pissed and makes a really shit comment how I should have been apologizing to the friend, since none of it would have happened if I hadn't locked the dogs in the car. And I had been, but him saying that broke me and I ended up in tears, cleaning the house in a blind rage so I didn't rip him a new one for being insensitive.

Now Boogie is still crying, not wanting to sleep. She dumped her sippy cup out in the crib. It's warm, I'm agitated but don't want to go downstairs near that man who I married. I had faith it would all be okay, and for me it was, but it seems like I made a lot of other people's lives hell today. Which, for me, is worse than if I had been locked in the car, then fell and broke my own arm.