In Memory

I'm supposed to be happy that she's in a better place, that she's not in pain anymore, that she gets to see her family gain, but I'm selfish. I want her back. I want Taryn to be able to run up and hold her frail hand, kiss her soft wrinkled cheek and tell her about all the fun things she did in school that day. I want to see her eyes light up the first time Zoraya walks or says her name. I want to bring her cookies at Christmas and spend lazy mornings sitting on her couch, taking with half a brain while I juggle the baby and try to keep Taryn from tipping over her wobbly coffee table. I want to see her year after year coming home late at night, far later than I can manage to stay up nowadays and still perky in the morning as she walks with her radio headphones on.

I want her back.

The last coherent thing she said was that I am a wonderful mother, that my girls are beautiful and thanked me for taking such good care of them. I can't believe she's gone. I don't know how many mornings it's going to take before my first thought on walking out the door will not be to make sure we bring her paper.

Rest in Peace Ms. Eva Slott. You are loved and will be missed dearly.