Faux Depth

Just because you post about how you have acheived enlightenment, doesn't really mean it's happened. I mean, really? I can't imagine Ghandi posting a new blog every day about how he is so content with life, and he pities those people who haven't found contentment, and "Stay tuned, because tomorrow I'm talking about ... contentment!"

I'm sorry. I'm not in the mood to bash today, but I am so continually irritated by folks who who have to announce to the world that they are such different people now, that they have overcome so much to be who they now are, and they are starting all anew, as of today. Especially when I know for a fact that there are past issues that haven't been resolved. And it seems to me that if they were "so over" those mistakes they made previously, there really wouldn't be a reason to keep talking about them and how they no longer bother you, right?

Or to keep apologizing for those same mistakes, and to keep promising to make them better, to make it up to those you injured, and in the process to completely destroy any semblance of honesty in yourself because you say the opposite of what you mean, and do the opposite of what you believe. So what's up with that?

And aside from perjuring yourself, because we all know the truth; that you are an insecure, dishonest, con who uses sex to obtain a false sense on intimacy that ultimately drives to you to destroy your own life, the life of your child, the little honor you have left, the small speck of goodness left in you, and after all that is said and done, it corrupts your art.

Ooops, that got a bit personal, didn't it?

Your "art." The one thing that was true and pure and healing that you had, you violated and turned into a public procolmation of lies. And maybe the people that you are around now think it's "so real," and they are probably the same ones who encouraged you to become the withered shell of a person that you now are, Sodom's pillar of lies and saltiness. Is this really who you thought you'd be when we were kids? Is this really the situation you'd dreamed of being in when we would sit around and imagine our futures? When we were both young, and not-so-innocent, but so full of hope and potential...

But I always knew you would be exactly what someone wanted. You don't have a soul anymore. You don't have a core-being. You manipulate yourself into a figment of HIS imagination. You are not a person, you're an image. You are whatever everyone else wants you to be, without respect or regard for the beauty and intelligent and raw talent that you've locked up in a tiny impenetrable box in your heart.

And the worst part is, everyone who knows what you could be, you push away. You've done this to yourself. You revel in agony, and maybe emotionally whoring yourself out is the only way you feel loved.

And for that, I'm sorry. I wish I could have done more before it was too late.

But now. Now all you do is vomit meaningless sentiments onto paper, declaring how you've changed and that all is good and right in your life. But I see through your faux depth to the resounding emptiness in your soul.

You can lie to yourself, you can lie to the people in your life, but I know you too well. And I do have hope that one day you'll recognize in yourself what I've always seen in you. And maybe when you do you'll be able to find true happiness.

And then you'll be able to write the truth.