Truth of the Matter Is.....

I only wanted to do it as a big green "fuck you" to everyone who thought we wouldn't make it this long.

And I want to have a party because I don't get out as much as I used to, and I want to drink and have fun too.

I've been thinking about this St. Patrick's Day party for a long time, and my original excuse was to have an anniversary party to celebrate P and I's 5 years of being married. But when I really thought about it, I think a nice dinner with just the two of us will be enough. Then we can sit together and appreciate each other and just be alone without all the distractions of other people.

I'm not thinking clearly here. I don't like this huge chasm in my brain right now, because on one side I want to celebrate with our friends and family. I want to get everyone together and thank them for their support the last 5 years, and drink and be merry... but on the other side I want to tell everyone to kiss our asses and go to hell for thinking we wouldn't make it. And yes, I had my doubts at times too, but it's one thing to doubt yourself, and another to doubt someone else. And damnit, I'm angry that people didn't think we could do it, and at the same time I'm grateful for all the shit they talked, because that's what made us strong enough to last the last 5 years.

And I realize in the great scheme of life, 5 years is nothing, but I'm proud of us, and proud of our home, and our baby girl, and proud that we've learned how to fight, and grown together so that we can fight, and make up, and that's what we need to be celebrating. Our maturation together and our willingness to fight when it would be easier to walk away, and the fact that even when everyone told us to call it quits, we stuck it out and have become a great couple in spite of all them.

And that's what we've learned, that we can work things out. And it's not all shits and giggles all the time, but we're seeing more good than bad the past few years and our growing health is supporting our entire familiy, and maybe even WE can be role models.

So yes, I do need a party to celebrate all that we've accomplished. Even if those people coming don't know why we're celebrating, we know, and we're proud and in love, and we're doing fucking fantastic!