Credit Revolution

I had a dream last night that I was in a bougie store, the kind of place where a summer dress will cost you $350 and nail polish is $24 per bottle. Before they let me in the store, I got the typical eye rolls, sighs of impatience, and flat out questioning if I could afford anything. "Of course not, I just want to look around while I wait for my friend."

I liked the clothes. They were cute, and the purses were adorable too. But even in my dreams I knew I couldn't afford anything there.

I'm one of those people who is firmly planted in reality. I like to dream, but I also know that its destructive to live beyond your means. My mom taught me fiscal responsibility when I was young. If I wanted to buy a big-ticket item, like a walkman or new rollerskates, she would agree to pay for half, and I had to save the other half from my allowance or earn it doing extra chores around the house, before I could buy anything.

I've carried those values into adulthood. When I want to buy something, I save up for it until I have a good portion of the cost, the entire cost if I'm feeling particularly patient, or I put the rest on a credit card after I've worked out my payment plan with myself. I don't use credit cards to delay the inevitable. I use them when I'm in a bind, and pay them off as quickly as possible. I hate carrying balances.

Unlike P.

This guy has no self-restraint. Delayed gratification is not in his vocabulary. I take that back, he can be responsible, but when he sets his eye on something he wants, he figures its better to buy now and pay later so he can enjoy it more. I admire his fanaticiscm, if not his lack of fiducuary wherewithal.

It's hard being young with very little disposable income. I wracked up bills while I was on maternity leave, and three months after going back to work I'm no where near close to paying them off. It was worth it to me though, to stay home with Taryn longer, but it's hard looking at my budget and seeing that I have $150 to last me two weeks, for gas, groceries, diapers... I don't get to go out to eat, or to buy new clothes. I had to downgrade our cell phone service and cancel the HBO.

But it's a choice. I'm choosing to be responsible. I can't afford a new car, as much as I need one, so I'll drive the Mazda into the ground. I can't afford to take Taryn to the Discovery Museum, so I'll take her on hikes and show her the flowers and deer, or to the beach and let her play in the sand and the ocean. I can't afford new clothes, so I'll mix and match what I have in my closet, maybe buy a couple pairs of new shoes to spice up the wardrobe and wait for the after-season sales to get something cute for next year.

And I hope that I can instil in her a sense of the limits of money, how to make it last and how to appreciate the outdoors and not rely on electrical toys for entertainment. I hope that she doesn't get caught up in the credit revolution, that she learns how to delay her gratification and only buy the things she really, really wants, and to the exclusion of less important things. And maybe she'll be a doctor or lawyer and have massive amounts of extra cash to throw around and put me up in a good home with a reliable car, but even then, I hope she can see the value of a dollar and be responsible with her money. Or her partners money.

People think it's weird P and I have separate accounts. We have joint accounts, but my checking is separate from his, and we have our own savings accounts as well. We used to share a credit card, and we do still have one for mutual large purchases, like plane tickets, but when it came time to pay the bill each month and he couldn't pay his part, it irked me. I didn't want to carry balances, and he's okay with that, so we decided to separate our finances to a degree. I pay more in bills each month, but he just pays one lump-sum majority payment for the mortgage. He couldn't handle the details of paying the same 10 bills on time every month, so I took over those.

When he wants to buy something dumb (I mean, for himself) he puts it on his credit card. And yes, it ends up that I end up paying for everything for the house, and he puts all his money towards paying off his separate debt, but whatever. I'm not going to be petty about it because it's not exactly his fault that he isn't responsible. I'm sure coming from absolutely nothing to the ability to buy whatever he wants is overwhelming, and not having had the early experience in managing income, it's a hard skill to learn as an adult.

All I'm saying is, I'm damn grateful to be as money-saavy as I am. And I'm trying to get some of that to rub off on P and Taryn. I've got more hope for the latter.