Yeah, You're a Little Too Comfortable in my House

I'm sensitive about my dogs, I admit it. I know they can get annoying with the incessant barking sometimes, especially when we're having a party or the baby is sleeping and people ring the bell.

But they are chihuahuas, and I accept their flaws with their loyalty and adorable-ness. And it's not that they bark to be mean, Rosco is a pussy and barks because he's scared or super-excited to see certain people. And Ka'i. I think she justthinks it's fun to bark, because there isn't much logic to when and why she does it.

This friend of the Nanny is staying with us this weekend. And I'm all for being immediately comfortable in someone's house, if only because it just isn't physiologically possible for me. But this bitch? She yelled at my dogs.

They weren't jumping against her (which irritates me beyond belief), they weren't licking (which makes Ally want to pour hot wax into her ears), they weren't begging to be cuddled with (because that makes Teresa want to toss them off the couch). They were outside with the door closed, barking. And this chick had just come back in the house with Julio, whom the puppies adore and whom they were trying to get to. I don't thikn they gave a flying flea fuck about this chick, and she goes, "Dios mios, can you guys just shut up for a bit?"

And I'm like, "Bitch, what did you say?" No, I didn't really, but I burned a hole in the side of her air-head with my evil eyes and wanted to kick her bleached-blonde, bougie-ass to the curb and have her walk the fuck back to Palo Alto.

I know. I talk shit to the dogs all the time. But it's the same as I do with my husband. It's one thing for me to talk shit about him to his face, it's another entirely for someone else to do it. And sweet geebus, if this chick doesn't reign herself in and learn some sort of etiquette, I'ma beat some into her.

My poor babies. Because I don't mind if people shush them. A lot of times they'll stop sooner than if I did it. And I don't mind people playing with them, but I hate when people provoke them by barking back (dumbasses), or scared them by pretending they're going to drop them from really high up (jerk-offs). I don't mind people taking a dominant stance, fliping them on their backs, or even gently pushing them away, off the couch or whatever. But don't try to act like you can yell at my dogs without my permission. That's a privelige your ass hasn't been granted.

Sheeeesh.