Not Your Mama

There has been something irking me about the Nanny. Some little thing tugging at the corner of my mind, and I haven't been able to place it until very recently. It's not a huge issues, more the way we interact. I try to invite her out places, try to get her to see more of Marin county but she's so resistant. I thought at first that maybe she just didn't know me and was shy, then I thought maybe she sees me as more of a boss than her cousin, maybe I'm just a bitch and she doesn't like me. But what I think now is ... she treats me like I'm her mother.

And ya'll know I only have one baby, and though I can be mother-ing, I sure as shit don't want any grown-ass children right now.

It hit me a couple nights ago when we were talking about my piercings, and the tattoo I have. She had told me she wants one and I'm like, "You're an adult. You want one, you should get one." But then she's telling me about how she pierced her own ear when she was younger, and can she get her tongue pireced?

"Hell No!"

I blurted it. I didn't mean to, but I misunderstood and thought she was saying she wanted to pierce her own tongue. And she can get whatever freaky shit (I know, I'm one to talk) she wants, but I'm morally opposed to sticking a needle in your own tongue. In my house.

But once we clarified that she wanted to go get it done and not do it herslef, I'm just like, "Hey, whatever." And then she actually asks my permission to do it! And I have to keep telling her she's an adult, and if she wants to get something pierced, she doesn't need my permission. And then of course I start tripping off the fact that the Nanny is asking my permission to do shit.

And it's happened more that I had realized in the past few months, pretty subtly, but she's been getting my okay before a lot of things, and I need to figure out how to take a step back and let her know that what she does when she's not watching Taryn has nothing to do with me. I mean, I've said that to her, but true to Caballero genes she doesn't get it. Or doesn't want to get it.

So whoa. I'm completely not ready for being the mother to a teen/adult. But maybe part of it is that I do have a very strong preference for how things are done in regards to Taryn, liek making sure she's eating enough, and not rocking her to sleep. Or taking her outside as much as possible and stepping aside when I get home so I can mother my child for a bit. Maybe I am an over-bearing bitch, and she feels like she needs my permission. Of course, you know tonight I'm going to call her out and see what she says. So I'll maybe blog about her response tomorrow.