Presents

You can tell a lot about a person by the present they buy for your child.

For instance, a person who buys a gift, no matter how small, when they refuse to speak to you is a person who genuinely cares about your kid. Or they could be a complete a-hole trying to make you feel guilty for your actions by still thinking of your child. I like to believe the former.

Then there are those people who will throw cheap, thoughtless items together as a gift. They might be procrastinators who forgot to stop by the store ahead of time, or they could only be buying a gift out of a feeling of obligation, not really caring too much if the gift is something your child will use or enjoy. I believe the latter on this one, and yeah, it's nice you remembered to bring something, but next time, don't bother.

And finally, my favorite, are those folks who go out and search for that perfect gift for your child. It may not be exactly what you were expecting, or maybe it was, but it is something your child is guaranteed to use and enjoy for a long time, because a lot of thought went into it. These people love and treasure your child, I think, and also value your friendship. If someone doesn't care enough about your child to get them something they will really like, that person in my mind doesn't value your friendship as much either. And I don't mean these are expensive gifts, but they are thoughtful.

I've been buying a TON of gifts lately, and more gift cards this year than I can ever remember doing in the past. Part of that is I don't want to buy people I don't know super-well something that they won't like, and I also don't want to over-step the friendship bounds by buying something inappropriate. I don't want people to be weirded out that I remembered that 7 months ago they mentioned they really wanted something and I got it for them, and then they are like, "How did you know I wanted this? Weirdo-stalker, eh? Nobody pays that much attention to other people..."

***

So anyway. I think it's the little things that count. I'm big on intention. And I feel awful right now because people I care about are hurting and I don't know how to make it better. I know it's not my job, and I have all these ideas on what I could bring to them to try to make things a tiny bit easier, but I don't want to overstep some invisible boundary that I never learned about. I don't want to show up unannounced and intrude on their grief. I don't want to belittle their loss by bringing them something that I think they would appreciate, but maybe it's not the right time. Maybe my ideas are not appropriate, maybe I should wait a week until I figure out how much I can give without being creepy.

I have this problem a lot. I love to give. I love to hang out with my friends, but I don't want to appear like I'm overly-needy, or trying to buy their friendship. I don't want people to be wary that I was thinking of them at the farmer's market and picked them up something. I don't know when it's okay to do things like that, if we have to be friends for a year first, or if we discuss the intimate details of our lives, it's okay to sporadically buy them stuff, not gifts necessarily, but if I see something and it reminds me of you, can I get it for you without being weird?