Hating Is Easy

It took me a lot of years to get over the fact that some people will never like me. And it doesn't bother me so much except...

1) I always thought I had some miracle Power of Persuasion, and that by just being me, people would agree with what I said, and do what I suggested. Hence, the degree in Psychology. But the older I get, the more clear it has become that people only hear what they want to hear. And even if you have air-tight logic, your words will always be spun to suit their course of action, or be used as a basis for going against sound advice.

This might seem out of left field, but I have been so naive about people, it hurts me to see the time and energy I have wasted on trying to be friends with bad people, or trying to maintain my good name with people who don't give two shits about me. All because I assummed that people would see past their initial perceptions of me and see that I am a genuinely good person, albeit one with a wicked temper, but my intentions are good. And to me that's what really matters.

So then the other thing is that 2) I have this burning desire to be understood. And it's something I've blogged about before. I don't know where it comes from, and I don't know how to let go, but I can't understand when people can't see my point of view (see #1 above) and so I keep pushing, and pushing for comprehension, and it just doesn't seem to be flowing lately. I don't care if we disagree, as long as you can honestly say you understand my view and still hold your own. But I'm noticing that most people can't say that. Most people listen in order to respond, not to understand.

And that irks me. Maybe as a Gemini I am more apt to see different viewpoints at once, be able to hold them, mull them over, and then make a desicion on how I feel about an issue after after absorbing the information presented to me. But I don't see that in many poeple. And maybe that's why I feel more fragile than others, because I don't have hard and true set beliefs about many things. And maybe its this fragility that makes me so upset when people don't like me.

Wait. I don't mean that, because if someone doesn't like me, that's fine. As long as it's for a good reason. The thing I can't stand more than anything else right now is when people dislike me for BS reasons. Like they heard something from someone else which isn't exactly true, but they take it as gospel. Or I remind them of something terrible about themselves, or some evil person they know, and the time is never taken to get to know me as a person. Or we have a disagreement and you're being too pig-headed to listen to my side of the arguement, and now you're pissed off because I want you to understand me, and you have no desire. So now you avoid me.

And in that last situation, I can see that maybe it's annoying to have someone try to explain an opinion that you don't agree with, but isn't that sort of the whole point in a disagreement? To understand what the other person is saying, and then decide whether or not to agree? But maybe that's Idiot's Logic. Maybe in your mind, in so many people's minds, the purpose of an arguement is to convince the other person to agree with you, in which case, yes, you're right. I am annoying. But I also don't want to go through life trying to convince people to see my way, instead of trying to understand their ideas.

It must be lonely to be you.

But really, my point today is that if you aren't going to be my friend, push me away for a good reason, not a narcissistic one. Hate me because 10 years ago I stole your boyfriend, not because you're ashamed of your actions, or I was honest with you and damaged your ego. Don't hold my physical appearance against me until we've spoken. If you still don't like me after a conversation, fine. But don't waste your time hating someone you don't know, for a reason that has nothing to do with you. It's not fair for either of us.