Because My Life is Not Interesting Enough

Sometimes, when I file my cases in my big desk drawer, if two clients filed next to each other happen to be around the same age, I picture how they might be as a couple.

Weird, huh?

I remember when I was younger, on long road trips or when the car was particularly quiet, I would gaze out the window and imagine what people's lives were like, from the type of car and its occupants. If there were kids, I'd imagine what they did in school, if their parents were married or not, and maybe what type of dog they might have.

And the summer I spent in Japan, when it was too hot and humid outside to play, I would make dolls out of paper. My mom had bought me a box of colored paper, markers, and a pair of scissors. I spent hours making dolls, different outfits, pets, houses, anything I could think of and figure out how to make a 2D versioon of it. Literally hours.

I never really considered myself a creative person in the traditional sense. I appreciate art, literature, music, all those things that artists do, but mine has been locked up in my head my entire life. I have such a hard time getting ideas out of my head, speaking can be a lesson in patience for anyone I am trying to teach, and my drawings are lifeless. I don't know how writing became my mode of expression, it just happened to be the easiest way to empty my brain so that I could fill it with new fantasies.

And I really do fantasize about everything. On sleepless nights I pick out paint colors for my house, or design scrapbook pages for Boogie. But it's all mental, and again, rarely translates well to real life, but it's an escape. And it feels more productive than worrying. When I was pregnant, I used to imagine taking Boogie for trips, how I would pack her diaper bag, strap her into her carseat, sing while we were on the road, and even imagine the feel of pushing her stroller. It was so different than my dreams when I finally got to do it, but I can get lost in fantasy so easily, losing hours dreaming of random events and meetings, decorating. Nuts, huh?