Way More Exciting Than Real Life

I woke up super-late today. I normally don’t do that, I’m pretty good at rationing my slaps at the alarm clock, but I had this scary-weird dream, and I needed to see how it ended. So I kept hitting it until it was over, and then I had only 20 minutes to get ready for work.

And I need at least 30.

****

In my dream, I was going downstairs to see a client whom I knew was applying for someone who did not want the benefits, and he was trying to get information on this woman that we were not allowed to give out. As far as we knew, he was a jealous ex-lover, and we knew he had a history of physical abuse, so I was scared going to see him myself.

As I do in real life if I’m not completely comfortable with a client, I left the door slightly open for a quick escape. Just in case. I sat down with this guy and asked him how I could help him. When he requested to finish an application for this other woman, I politely told him I couldn’t even confirm if she had applied for benefits. He stood up, towering over me like a maniacal clown, his hair a fiery red, then reached down and tried to grab my arm.

I bolted out the door, but he jumped over the desk before I could lock the door and grabbed my arm. I started yelling for a coworker to help me, to call the Sheriff, to hit the panic button, anything… and he was dragging me down this long hallway to the door that led outside. The hallway wasn’t the one at work, it was much wider, and much longer, and there were open stairs at the end of it, sort of like the ones you’d see at a parking garage.

Finally, a couple coworkers came to my rescue, hauled him off of me and restrained him while they waited for the Sherriff to come. There was a huge crowd gathering around him, employees and clients all abandoned what they were doing to watch him claw and bite at the men holding him. He looked like one of those animals on the Discovery Channel who fight with every ounce of their strength to free themselves from their captors, and he was wearing them down. I could see the men holding him getting tired, they were all covered in cuts and claw marks, chunks of skin missing from where they had scraped their bodies against the rough floor trying to keep a good grip on him.

I started to worry, thinking he was going to get free and come after me again, so I paged everyone in the building to come downstairs to make sure that if he got loose, he wouldn’t be able to get away. When I finished the page, I turned around with the phone still in my hand and the crowd was gone. The only ones left were me, the crazy guy, and the two male coworkers who had been holding him, but were no longer by his side. I backed slowly towards the stairs, thinking that it would give me a slight advantage to be above him, and maybe as he was chasing me the two guys could grab him again.

I was yelling at them frantically to grab his arms while he was so close, but they just stood there watching us, like some sick game of cat and mouse, but I was the one being stalked. I started up the stairs, swinging the phone by the cord, hoping my aim would be good enough to knock him out if he came within striking distance. I was halfway up the stairs when he started up after me, and I was slowing inching up backwards so I could keep my eye on him. For every step I took, he took two, and I gave up yelling at my coworkers because I could see that for some reason, they weren’t trying to go after him.

Then I saw one of them lunge after him, and I turned around and raced up the rest of the stairs onto what looked like the top level of a parking deck. I was standing in the middle of it, I could hear the Sherriff's sirens blaring, getting closer every second, but I didn’t know what had happened in the stairwell.

Then these two red-headed twins stepped up to my level and sat grinning at me. Now, the actual people I saw in my dream were Spencer and Evan, two of the sweetest guys I have ever known, and actual red-headed twins that I went to high school with. I didn’t worry what was going to happen to me anymore. The coworker that had lunged at the crazy guy was *that* particular person I have dreamed about in the past (not my husband) who evidently in my dream was my lover or something. The other coworker who had initially restrained the crazy was one of the twins.

I could never tell them apart in real life, and I had no idea which was which in the dream either.

And as I sat there, contemplating my imminent demise, the death of my lover, and the utter irony that had the Sheriff been closer like we kept asking, most of this could have been prevented, but yay! At least after I die they’ll be forced to put some type of security in reception… My lover jumped up from the stairwell, tackled them both, and restrained them until the Sherriff came to haul them away.

*Swoon*

So this is about the part I hit the last snooze. We of course hopped into a car to drive into the sunset, but then we stopped at Safeway to get some sandwiches. It turns out this lover was really my husband (my handsome husband in real life, I mean), but he was ripped (unlike P) and his Dad was driving the SUV we were in (entirely plausible, if we were in Paraguay). I didn’t have any shoes (not sure what happend to them) and we searched the whole car for them, then decided we’d wait in the parking lot and get cozy while his Dad went inside to get the food (classy, eh?). We parked in a semi-remote spot to get to know each other better. Ya dig?

But then P saw his motorcycle parked a little ways down, so we hopped on it and zoomed off into the sunset, kissing and getting more friendly than is probably possible on a 2-wheeled vehicle.

But I guess it could happen?