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Do you ever worry that you are going to love Z more than Taryn?”

This is the question he casually threw out last night as we were discussing Boogie going into a toddler bed this weekend, dinner to celebrate his promotion, and an agreement to hash out a name for Frogger (aka Z).

Honestly, the thought had not even crossed my mind. My big worry was that I’ll love them the same but like Boogie more than her sister. I can’t fathom a child being nearer to my heart than my firstborn, someone being as smart and beautiful and loving and sweet as Boogie is, and I honestly regretted getting pregnant for a short time, because I was so worried about what an injustice it was to bring another child into the house when I could have stopped with perfection.

But as we talked a bit more I started to wonder if our perspectives were not meeting because we had different birth orders. P is the first child for his parents, and knowing his background I can understand his concern that I, the primary caretaker and mother, would love the younger more than the older. That is what he grew up seeing and experiencing, and for him, that must be a truth in life.

I, on the other hand, was the second child, and while I never doubted my mother’s love, there have been, and still are times when I feel like my older brother is the favorite. It doesn’t bother me as much now as it sometimes did when I was younger. I consciously set out on my own at a younger age and tried to be independent, and while I maintain ties to my mother, I have my own family to care for now so I don’t feel like I expect as much from her. I wonder if my mom and brother are so close because they’ve had to struggle to get to where they are now, and they’ve grown together during that struggle? I feel like I’ve always been connected to my mom, and our struggles deepened our understanding of each other, but I have never been the Prodigal Child.

But it’s all perspective. My idea of what a ‘favorite child’ is may be very different from my husband’s, mom’s and brother’s ideas are. And a person’s actions do not necessarily betray one’s feelings, because I think parents often overcompensate for having a favorite, by spending time and energy with the neglected child. I guess in the long run it will probably even out. I’m sure there will be some times when I favor one of my girls over the other, and I’m sure that will change over time as we all pass through phases in life. I just hope that I never lose the ability to treasure each one for how beautifully different they are, and teach them to appreciate that in themselves and others.