When I was 12 years old, I decided to try to spell my name differently. After 12 years of having everyone either spell or pronounce my name incorrectly, I was fed up, and I figured it was the right time to change it to "Aleta." One T.
See, the summer after 6th grade, I decided to move in with my father and his new family in Ohio. I had a lot of reasons to move, the most important being that I truly believed that if I lived with my father, he might learn to love me.
My dad has never really been a huge part of my life, and after he remarried, and started having more children, I felt even less important to him. I was his first-born, but I felt like the step-child. So I employed complete egocentric pre-teen logic and thought that if he were around me more he would see what an intelligent, beautiful, witty, kind person I was, and he would want a real relationship with me.
And of course, it didn't work. And I learned that it's easier to run away from a situation that to deal with it. So I came back to California to live with my mom, and went to three more middle schools that year. One I left because I didn't feel like I fit in there. The second I left because I was getting picked on by older girls who were upset that their "boyfriends" liked me. The same thing happened at the third school, but I rode out the rest of the year in fear that I would get jumped again and again by these older girls. I spent most of my seventh grade year fighting girls over bullshit. For me, it was about maintaining my pride; they thought it was about boys.
I guess I started thinking about this while looking at Taryn, and feeling so grateful that her father loves her so much, and treasures the time he spends with her. And no matter how rough our relationship is right now, the ups and downs, fighting and making up, I feel lucky to have found a man that wants a relationship with his daughter, and even though he has a lot of pressure to be "the man" he is able to be soft with her.
And I guess I was feeling a tough guilty for giving her a unique name, and hoping that it isn't so unusual that she will forever be correcting people's spelling and pronunciation of it.
I was thinking too about my last post on friends and enemies, and how I haven't really dealt with those people. I kind of just mentally shut down, and maybe that's why it's so hard to think of them without feeling sentimental. I keep the good times on the forefront of my mind, and ignore the negative stuff until it gets brought up again.
Anyway, needless to say, I kept forgetting to spell my name the new way, so when I moved back to California, I changed it back (to myself) to Aletta. With two T's.
More Than You Need to Know
- Aletta C
- Northern California, United States
- I prefer wine over beer and martinis over wine. Love tattoos and plotting out my next one. I have two adorable mutts, a perpetually-purring older cat and six fish, five named "Nemo" by Kid 1. I don't know what I want to be when I grow up, so I quit going to school after my BA. I like cleaning but hate cooking, unless it involves wine, but I always prefer to be cooked for. Love my family, my small circle of friends, and my job. And I'm a blog stalker .... I can't help it. Too shy to post a comment, but I'm fascinated by people.
Chicken Little
Halloween 2007
T-Boogie at 11 Months
I love dressing her up like fuzzy animals!
AngelBaby
First Halloween - 2006
3 comments:
Just know that no matter how much love, thought and time you put into your child, her name or your marriage that noone and nothing ever meets out idealistic views and that there will always be people who say, "Karen?" over the phone, unless you stop them in their tracks first and spell it for them before they have the chance to ask OR that she will eventually have to spell it for people herself and will resent it on some level but will also feel both proud and humble that you named her after your mother; that's just the way that goes. I won't go into how I agonized over naming Julia and still had Bruce come up with calling her "Julio," which has now become her cherished family nickname (that I thought would give her an identity crisit but now would not change for all the world)or how many people wanted to call her Julie, which was my high school best friend's name (whom she is named after; the "a" coming from Julie's middle name Annette and Granny's name ending in "a," also), but I did not want her to have an "ee" sounding name because I thought it sounded prissy~four older sisters, three of them having the "ee" sound at the end, and not one of them prissy. But you see, this childhool parnoia carries into adulthood and we DO affect our kids with it. All you can do is endure, as you already have by going through something similar, and love her, which you do.
Incidentally, I thought I had it all in the bag with my name until those other Jenifers and Genifers came along. Now, when I'm really in a mood and I'm on the phone, I say, "with two n's, too," so I loved this last blog a lot. No matter how you spell it, you'll always be you, and that's what makes you special (just ask your mom about last names; she and I have that one covered, too!)
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