My Sweet AngelBaby,
A year ago, I couldn't imagine letting the world revolve around anyone but myself. And now, I can't imagine how I ever lived so long without you in my life. I guess you've always sort of been here, in my hopes and dreams, and maybe it was your spirit that I promised to bring into this world, the same spirit that I lost seven years ago. Maybe at that time I wasn't ready to be a mother, maybe it took seven years for me to get to a place emotionally, financially, and spiritually, where I could give you everything that you deserve, and so that I could surround myself with people who love and care for me, and who will be there to care for you and support you in this crazy journey we call life.
Sweetpea, when I first saw you on the ultrasound last November, when you were only a few weeks old, I fell in love. You were my little LimaBean, and from then on I started dreaming if you. I knew you were a girl, even though I was hoping for a boy. I just wanted my daughters to have an older brother to protect them, but I realize now that one of the most important jobs I have is to teach you to love and protect yourself, so that you never have to rely on anyone else to do it for you. My first wish for you is to be a happy person who respects herself and is strong enough to stand up to the world for what she believes in.
In December, when I was sick with a horrible flu, I dreamt that you had a small red birthmark on your eyebrow, and you do, though up until now I thought it was a bruise from your grand entrance into the world. Your Papi dreamt of you too, and we spoke often about how wonderful it was going to be when you got here and we could just hold you, and cuddle, and whisper all the wonderful things that we planned to do with you. Your Papi can't wait until you are old enough to go fishing with him. And I'll be so proud the day you get your first library card. We look forward to the mundane tasks of daily life now, because we can share them with you.
My Love, you are too incredibly cute when you sleep. You are too small to smile at us, too small to even play with a toy. You pretty much sleep about 16 hours each day, you eat for about 5 hours a day, and you are awake and alert for the rest, although you don't do much but look around the room. But Love, when you sleep, you laugh, squeal, smile, frown, make a hundred and one expressions that your Papi and I, and anyone else who holds you could watch and be entertained for hours. People come to the house to watch you sleep, and you are so beautiful, my heart swells with pride that I had a part in your creation. And curious as all get out. When you hear a new noise, you turn your head to look, when I walk with you around the house your eyes scan the walls and ceiling. And when the puppies lick your face, you blow raspberries at them!
Darling, I could write forever on the beauty of watching you explore your small world. You had a pretty rough entrance into this world, but you have recovered fully and I am so grateful that God blessed me with you. I promise to do the best that I possibly can, to be a "good-enough" parent so that when the time comes, you will have the courage, and confidence, and tools necessary to be a successful and happy person.
I love you with all of my heart and soul. Happy one month birthday Beautiful!
Your Mommy.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
3 comments:
That's just so beautiful. I can't believe it myself that it's been a month already, it seems like just this morning your water broke. I can't wait for each milestone in her life, however large or small.
I love the way your wirte. I know Taryn will love to read this for herself. You should try and write this stuff down in her own journal, as a gift to her. I'm sure she would be amazed at what you thought of her. Keep it up.
Post a Comment