I'm not a bad parent. Maybe an inexperienced one, but I would never intentionally dirty my baby. Unless it was for a lot of money. Like $100 or so...
(As I was reading a recent blog on www.shewalks.blogspot.com)
"Hahahahah" ... (snort)
(Here is where the internal dialogue starts ...)
"Oops, I should make sure I didn't blow a booger on Taryn's head."
(Not that it has happened before, but sometimes when I laugh too hard, I have been known to shoot mocos up to three feet)
(Looking at my adorable sleeping infant's face)
"Shit, I can't believe I snotted on my baby's face. Ohgod, and it's a nasty dark one too, I wonder what crawled up my nose last night?"
(Then the nasty mocos starts crawling down her forehead, closer to her eye)
"Holyshit, my booger is crawling into her eye!"
(Now this is where I start yelling, waking up P_Dely who passed out on the floor downstairs-the laminate floor, we don't even have carpet anymore.)
P: Baby, what's wrong?
Me: My boger is crawling into Taryn's eye, what do I do?
P: Grab it! What the hell crawled up your nose last night? Are you on drugs?
Me: I don't know! (Grabbing the crawling booger and squishing it between my nails) Holyshit, it had legs.
P: What? Your booger had legs?
Me: It wasn't a booger. Punkin, the baby has fleas. (Then I have to pause to think where they came from, because the dogs get flea baths pretty regularly)
Me: I dare you to give the cat a bath.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
1 comment:
Love that one, too.
Ironically, gave my cat a bath yesterday. That is the only time his pupils change from diamond-shape to round as he says how much he hates me with them. Also can't do it alone, as he would kill me with his claws and love doing so, but luckily Mr. No-Show, No-Call Lowell happened by and kept his promise after all to help... then left me happy and alone with my furry friend who recovered from his bath as quickly as an amnesia patient would.
P.S. Really enjoying your wit and sarcasm (with a few choice words thrown in or implied); can tell we're related through your mom 'cause I am definately "on the same page" when I read your blog(s).
Love ya. J*
Post a Comment