Back in the Day

I had coffee with a friened of mine from back in the day today. More specifically, she was my best friend in kindergarten to about the 3rd grade. She found me on myspace, and after a few months (because of course I was MIA for a while after Taryn was born) we actually coordinated schedules to meet.

It was so good seeing her, seeing someone who knew me "back then" and didn't associate me with all the BS I went through, and all the drama from high school. I'm not one of those people who hated high school, it was just as a fact, the darkest time of my life.

I feel like she's totally blossomed, from a shy little kid to this gorgeous, intelligent woman, and I don't feel like I've done the same. I feel like this, now, is my adolescence, where I get to figure out who I am and what I want to do with myself.

I grew up too fast, partly from a desire to escape my childhood and take some sort of control of my life, partly out of necessity, in order to survive. I started working at Subway when I was 14, and have pretty much held a job ever since, except for a few months here and there due one season of basketball, a few months away at school, childbirth, that kind of thing. And I'm just now wishing, as an adult, that someone had made me slow down, smell the roses, enjoy being a kid, instead of supporting my working so damn much and missing out on a time of my life I can never have back.

But it's not all bad, I learned to manage money very young, I bought my own car when I was 16, I learned how to financially take care of myself and my needs, even when I didn't know how to do it emotionally.

So there it is, after all this I've come full circle. Coming back to learn the things I missed growing up. Like small talk. And remembering names. Treating myself with respect. Figuring out what I want to be "when I grow up." Finding my niche, that thing that I'm good at and makes me happy.

Even though I'm ahead of the pack in many ways, I've fallen so far behind in others. Everyone develops differently, I'm learning that from Taryn, but the one mistake I vow not to repeat is making her grow too fast and miss her childchild. Nobody can be a fully functioning adult without those lessons.



One the menu for tomorrow: Being Handled.