Happily Ever After

When P and I were married almost 5 years ago, a lot of thought went into not having a big wedding. Topping our list were the very real issues of 1) we didn't want to be paying off a wedding for the next 10 years, and 2) most of the members of our families were spread out across four countries and three continents.

Our plan after we were engaged was to have two small ceremonies, one in North America for my family and one in South American to include his. Then, a couple days before Spring Break my freshman year of college, P's nephew was born with a spinal defect that was going to require multiple surgeries not only to fix, but to save his life. We made a hasty decision to scrap our wedding and send the money we would have spent down to his sister to help pay for the surgeries.

I flew back home on Friday night, and we discussed Saturday morning over breakfast at Marvin's what to do. Since we knew a wedding ceremony was so much less important than the situation his sister was facing, we decided to schedule an appointment to get married at the Justice of the Peace. The next Friday. We spent time in the evenings that week after work picking out another wedding ring for me, my wedding dress and making reservations for our wedding night. I got my nails done, and Friday afternoon we met at the Civic Center with my mom and uncle (my brother was away in the Navy) and P's aunt.

The ceremony was short and sweet. It was cold outside, so P held me close and sheltered me from the wind as we said our vows. I was so happy I couldn't stop smiling during mine. He was so nervous he skipped over quite a few words while reciting his. We took some beautiful pictures with the hills of Marin county in the background, and afterwards went over to Embassy Suites and had champage and appetizers. P and I had our wedding night dinner in Tiburon, and spent our first night as husband and wife at Tiburon Lodge. The next day our families and many of our closest friends came to my mom's apartment for a small reception. La Tia decorated our wedding cake with fresh roses, and my mom prepared food and drinks for us. We laughed, drank, reminisced, opened presents, and couldn't have been happier with our decision. I will always look back at that day with the people we were closest to celebrating our happy day as one of the sweetest in my life.

The point of this story ... I'm not really sure. I went to my first bridal fair this weekend with a friend, and I guess I was a little shocked at how big of a deal weddings are. I don't think it's frivolous, exactly. I just don't understand why people would spend $25 or $50 thousand dollars on one day. I enjoy weddings, but I guess I'm not one of those people who needs a big production to fabricate one of the better memories of my life.

Maybe it's because I didn't ever really think I would have a big wedding. I never got myself worked up imagining all the things I could have when I was younger, and as I got older and life got more real, I knew it wasn't in the cards. Or maybe it was because I can think of so many other things I would do with that much money. I don't know. I feel so disconnected from all the planning, because I just don't get it. I mean, I can logically see what needs to be done, what needs to be booked, and planned, and I'm excited to take part in the production, but when it's all said and done, I don't know if I will ever understand the fantasy.

I've learned the hard way what goes into maintaining a marriage. Maybe things would have been easier if we had had a big production, so when times got rough we could look back and smile at that one happy day. But then maybe we wouldn't have been able to buy the house if we were still in debt from it. Who knows what could have happened if it were done differently? And who knows, maybe in another 5 years we'll decide to have another ceremony to renew our vows with our families present.

Something small and intimate. As little stress as possible.