Who Noshed my String Cheese?

I don't know what's up with communal refridgerators at work. I suppose if I worked with adults it wouldn't be an issue, but for some reason when it comes to the 'fridge, people turn into completely egotistical children.

I mean, there's those people who bring in a whole bag or groceries for the week. They claim a drawer, or a whole shelf to themselves, and fill it with whole heads of lettuce, a bag of raw potatoes, and half a rotisserie chicken, plus all the fixin's. The problem with these folks, aside from being ignorant of the fact there are twenty-five other people on this floor who need to put their single-day's-meal into the exact same fridge, is that at the end of the week, their limp-ass lettuce, and moldy cheese and disgusting fucking concoctions get left there to stink up the room, and someone else has to clean up after them. Can we wipe your ass while we clean up the rest of your shit?

We've also got the freaks who insist on throwing everything out when they clean, including my hard-to-come-by titty milk. Do you have any idea how long it can take to pump that? And even after I tell you not to toss it, somehow, nobody quite knows how, but somehow, it gets thrown away. But thanks for cleaning out the container.

To you people who insist on eating nasty smelling food, or leaving your popcorn and bagels to burn while you use the crapper: You suck. That's all I have to say to you.

Last, but certainly not least, whoever the hell ate my string cheese, I'm looking for you. Seriously, do you have any idea how much I love my string cheese? Aside from the fact that it's so fun to peel off the strips, because we all know I savor everything, and it tastes so yummy, I need a certain amount of calories per day to produce that aforementioned titty milk, and a certain amount of milk products to burn those extra damn calories. And you want to steal not only my past-due strawberry yogurt with my initials on it, but also my string cheese with my name on a post-it? Are you stupid? Don't you know what a hungry mother who doesn't have enough food for her child will do when stressed? Do you have any idea what crazy looks like? Watch yourself, I'm on a mission. For real.