FUCK !

I keep fucking up. I'm going too fast, speeding through and keep making stupid-ass mistakes. Fuck.

I don't feel all here. I'd rather be home, I'm thinking of all the other things I need to do. I'm letting my personal life interfere with my work, and it's messing me up. Fuck.

I need to take a breath. Stop. Think. Re-think, before I take an action. Before I mail a letter. I'm putting myself on these deadlines, gotta finish before the end of the day, and the mistakes are piling up. Stupid, stupid, stupid shit.

Overwhelming fear of failure, and it is becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy. I'm rushing myself to beat myself. I prove to myself I can do it, and "it" ends up so riddled with errors, would have been better if I hadn't done it at all.

I have to grant people I don't think are eligible, and I'm granting folks I shouldn't have done.

Slow down. Stop being so sloppy. There's no rush. I'm rushing myself. But there's no real rush. There's no one looking over my shoulder, watching my actions. No one but myself, and I'm making mistakes that I should have caught before they happened.

Fuck. It's okay to not be perfect.

It better be.