A Plan's a Plan, Right?

I'm torn here. I don't want to be offensive, but I've been super-irritated by something that seems to be happening more and more regularly with more and more people. And I know I'm PMS-ing, so I'm more bothered than normal, but FUCK!

Can you make up your damn mind?

I don't do wishy-washy. For a lot of years when my self-esteem was lower, I was that person who would defer to others' wishes. When I was asked to make a decision like, "Where do you want to go for lunch?" I would always be the one without an opinion. Even when I really wanted to go somewhere, I would say I didn't care so as not to be pushy. How lame is that? I'm the only person I would call pushy who stated an opinion.

I didn't realize I had lost my voice until a friend said he remembered how when we were dating I would tell him I was going somewhere and he was free to come along, but I was going even if he didn't. And he loved that about me.

And I've been trying ever since to state my opinions, when I have them. I'm realizing something major changed in me after Boogie was born. I have to set an example of a strong woman for her, so I've been consiously setting myself up to be the person I always wanted to be, I just didn't have the motivation to improve until she came along.

Sometimes I really don't give a damn where to go to eat. I'm just hungry. But it drives me crazy when other people are wishy-washy. I can't stand to be in a conversation with someone who is deferential to the point of not having an opinion. And I abhor the actions of people who try to make things easier for you, and end up fucking it all up.

Example. If I'm at work and I need to get something from someone on another floor, I will normally call them and let them know I am coming to get it. If that person says they'll be upstairs soon so they can drop it off anyway, fine. But if we agreed that I would go downstairs to get it, and that person happens to come upstairs to drop it off without telling me, it's bound to be at the same time that I'm going downstairs to pick it up. So we cross paths without realizing it, and I'm downstairs searching for the paper, or the person I need to get it from.

That was a bogus example, but it's that kind of thing that irks me lately. Like, I get you are trying to be helpful, but you're really not. I like when things happen according to whatever plan we decided on, and when someone decides to change that plan, it inevitably screws with me.

If I say, "Let's go have lunch." And you say, "Sure, where?" Then I'm going to respond with a location. If you agree to that, it's a plan, right?

But if when we're in the car you say, "If you don't want to go to X, we could go to Y." Then you're fucking with my plan.

And I might respond by saying, "Sure, if you'd rather go to Y, that's fine with me." Don't freaking turn around and say, "Or we could try Z if you don't like Y."

We already planned on X, why is the hell are we now discussing Z? I am not the docile creature I was years ago. If I don't want to go to Y, I won't agree to go there. If you didn't want to go to X, you shouldn't have agreed in the first place.

Comprende?

Raaaawwwrrrrr.