FWD: Talking ISH

It's been a hard week. I've been auper-busy at work, which I love because time passes so much more quickly, and I get to see my angel before, during, and after the mad rush of other people's emergencies that I have been innundated with.

I've been thinking a lot about this blog thing. There were some disparaging comments recently about how awful anonymity is on the internet. I seem to have read quite a few articles, even in Time magazine, about the evil side that pops out of people, the fake myspace pages, the kiddy-predators and the cyber-bullying, all behind a cloak of secrecy.

I don't mind anonymous. I think some people need it to speak their minds and say what they really feel, and in many situations they are justifiably worried about the repercussions of claiming up to their own opinions and actions. All I can on that is that many times it is not the anonymous person's fault they have to be that way. People are too sensitive, too guarded, and their past reactions are what cause people to be cautious around them.

But I am a bit worried about the other facet of the internet, and that is the complete lack of privacy between folks. I know, I know, who the hell am I to speak on this, right?

The difference between me and what I am about to bitch about, is that I'll rant about how I am affected by things. I'll share my internal dialogue with the world, and I may include other people in it, but it is not to be stricktly spiteful.

Usually.

I'm paranoid about emailing anything. I'm paranoid that if I tell someone how much of an asshole they are, they'll always have physical proof of it. Or if I tell someone how much I appreciate the ear they lent before when I was going through a rough time, I don't want anyone to know what a sap I am. I'm getting better about being comfortable with my emotions, but I'm still not entirely comfortable with other people knowing those deepest ones.

It seems to me lately that there have been a lot of spreading of personal correspondence lately. And I don't know why I see this differently than blogging, but I do. I'm uncomfortable with the thought that I tell someone something very personal, and it may be forwarded to my entire internet-accessible family.

I don't want to look dumb, without my own doing. And I don't want people to discuss me behind my back without my knowing. I know it happens, and I do it too. But I try to edit my dialogue to what I would say if they were sitting in front of me. Unless I don't like you, I don't want to be the one talking shit behind your back. I pride myself in being open and honest and forthcoming when something is bothering me, but this situation feels a little passive-agressive. It's almost like my mind is being pressured to think the way theirs does, and they are sending me proof of why I should think like that.

I'm rambling. This has been bouncing around my brain all week, and I'm bothered because I know some people see my blogging in the same light, but I feel like this is okay since my intention is to process for myself..... But maybe I'm just making excuses and trying to distance myself from what I know is wrong?

I don't know.