So... I had a really odd dream this morning.
These two girls that I was in Girl Scouts with ... 15 years ago? We all decided to do a concert of Beatles songs. Yeah, I know, wtf? I can only name like 2 songs, and we did do both of them, but I knew a lot of the other ones and kind of just sang along.
But we had a few problems. First, there were only three of us. And none of us knew how to play any instruments. And we didn't have a band. So we had a few people that we knew in the audience play for us, but everyone was too trashed to do it well, so it sounded really aweful. I think everyone in the sold out (yay! lol.) audience was pretty wasted, or else why would they stay so long?
So the worst part was, we were singing this one song that had like 12 verses, but we didn't know what they were. One girl had done some research and knew what each verse meant so we were trying to figure out the words as we went, which was hideous, because we'd sing a line, then stop and have a little pow-wow to figure out what the next line was, sing that, stop again ... you get the point.
So somewhere towards the end of the third verse, I was like, "F-this. If we don't get out shit together, they're all going to leave, and I already spent my part of the proceeds, so I can't refund any tickets." The other two agreed, and right then I heard this little girl screaming for help.
I jumped out of my seat and ran to the back of the stage, through these double doors, and there was a lady on crutches trying to drag this kid away. The little girl was screaming and struggling, and I was running after them but she had a pretty good head start, so I cut through a lobby, and tackled the little girl from the side right before the woman dragged her out of the building. When she saw I had her, the woman just hobbled off on her crutches.
I picked up the girl, who was maybe 4 years old, and carried her to box office part, and kept asking her what her name was, but she wouldn't say a word, she just kept sniffling and clinging to my shirt.
Then I woke up with Taryn's finger up my nose and the other three holding onto my bottom lip. Her hair was soaking wet from my drool ... again ... and she was sucking the shit out of her binkie. Maybe she was dreaming too?
Anyway, I can't figure this one out. The little girl wasn't me, the older woman wasn't me. But if they were? Maybe something about my childhood being stolen? Or my fears I'll rob Taryn of hers? I don't know. But I'd never sell-out a concert promising to sing Beatles songs. No way in hell.
November 14, 2006
November 13, 2006
Being "Good" Takes Effort
For me at least.
I've always admired those people who seem to be genuinely nice, those people who hold open doors for you, and say "please" and "thank you" without a second thought.
Now, I consider myself super-consciencious. When I see something that can be done to help someone else, I do it without asking, and without expecting anything in return, but although I am constantly helping others, I also get really frustrated with people who seem oblivious to the rest of the world.
Like people who park in the middle of two parking spaces at Trader Joes.
Or the B who ran over my heels three flippin' times in a row at BB&B the other day.
People like that irk me to no end, and it's not because they do stupid things, it's because they do stupid things with no regard for anyone else. I don't care if you're going to drive 90 mph on the freeway at 4am when it's mostly empty, but don't even think about it when I'm driving my daughter somewhere.
Anyway, my point is, it takes alot of effort on my part to not let those kinds of people ruin my day. And I don't know why it pisses me off so much, I know it's not personal, but I don't get why some folks just think they can do whatever they want and not think about who they might be affecting.
And I know I do dumb shyte sometimes, and I know that in a lot of situations I have to really watch what I say and do so that I don't piss off other people, but I do it. And if I can, you should be able to also.
I've always admired those people who seem to be genuinely nice, those people who hold open doors for you, and say "please" and "thank you" without a second thought.
Now, I consider myself super-consciencious. When I see something that can be done to help someone else, I do it without asking, and without expecting anything in return, but although I am constantly helping others, I also get really frustrated with people who seem oblivious to the rest of the world.
Like people who park in the middle of two parking spaces at Trader Joes.
Or the B who ran over my heels three flippin' times in a row at BB&B the other day.
People like that irk me to no end, and it's not because they do stupid things, it's because they do stupid things with no regard for anyone else. I don't care if you're going to drive 90 mph on the freeway at 4am when it's mostly empty, but don't even think about it when I'm driving my daughter somewhere.
Anyway, my point is, it takes alot of effort on my part to not let those kinds of people ruin my day. And I don't know why it pisses me off so much, I know it's not personal, but I don't get why some folks just think they can do whatever they want and not think about who they might be affecting.
And I know I do dumb shyte sometimes, and I know that in a lot of situations I have to really watch what I say and do so that I don't piss off other people, but I do it. And if I can, you should be able to also.
November 12, 2006
I Know, I'm a Dork
I sent out a few emails yesterday to some fellow bloggers whose blogs I read regularly. I'd never had a blogroll before, and I wasn't really sure if you just link to people, or you need to get permission first, or what. Seems to me it's the polite thing to do, to at least let someone know that you're associating them with your own blog, but I guess no such etiquette exists. Still, they were all really nice in their replies, and I'm sure they think I'm a dork. Well, I am, no worries.
In other news, I updated my page too. I finally went over to Beta, so I figured a less-dark theme might get my crappy mood out of the gutter, at least for a little bit, so maybe I'll find something amusing to write in the coming weeks.
I really thought this NaBloPoMo thing would be a lot harder, but I love to write, regardless of if I'm good at it or not, and I think that when this ends, I will really try to keep posting daily. I'm sure it won't happen, especially without the added incentives, but I'm getting in the habit of making time, and I'll be off work for a while longer, so hopefully I can keep it up.
Oh, we went shopping at Bed, Bath, and Beyond yesterday. I picked up a lot of Christmas presents, a carpet for the bedroom, a new little cordelss sweeper, a Van Gough print, just a lot of stuff I was wanting and too broke to get. But I saved $87 with Erika's coupon, so I'm stoked. It's so much easier to get presents when you have no money, and everyone knows you have no money, so it really goes with the thought, not the price of the gift. And we got our new garbage can! It's so pretty, red steel, semi-circle... I love it.
In other news, I updated my page too. I finally went over to Beta, so I figured a less-dark theme might get my crappy mood out of the gutter, at least for a little bit, so maybe I'll find something amusing to write in the coming weeks.
I really thought this NaBloPoMo thing would be a lot harder, but I love to write, regardless of if I'm good at it or not, and I think that when this ends, I will really try to keep posting daily. I'm sure it won't happen, especially without the added incentives, but I'm getting in the habit of making time, and I'll be off work for a while longer, so hopefully I can keep it up.
Oh, we went shopping at Bed, Bath, and Beyond yesterday. I picked up a lot of Christmas presents, a carpet for the bedroom, a new little cordelss sweeper, a Van Gough print, just a lot of stuff I was wanting and too broke to get. But I saved $87 with Erika's coupon, so I'm stoked. It's so much easier to get presents when you have no money, and everyone knows you have no money, so it really goes with the thought, not the price of the gift. And we got our new garbage can! It's so pretty, red steel, semi-circle... I love it.
November 11, 2006
Even if I Could ... Would I?
I have been having this internal arguement with myself for the past few months, and the answer I keep coming up with is haunting me.
When I was in high school, I had no aspirations of a dream career in which I would throw my entire being and have a burning passion to pursue at all costs. Sure, I went through the typical phases, wanting to be a lawyer, dreams of being a doctor, but those were all shattered when I decided I wanted to be an astronaut.
I was serious about it. I took Honors Chemistry and was planning on physics my Senior year of high school. I took the military aptitude test and scored very high, so my plan was to do my time in the Air Force, become a pilot, then move my way over to Nasa. My Junior year I applied, and won, an internship with NASA, one of the greatest accomplishments of my life at that time, but one in which I was later sorely disappointed. After only a few weeks of work, I decided that although I loved the idea of being an astronaut, I would never be able to work with "those people" for the rest of my life. So I gave up.
And I really had very little ambition after that. I figured I would go to college, because that was what was expected, and I didn't want to work at Mervyn's the rest of my life. But what I really wanted to do was get married and have kids. I set a goal for myself, so that I wouldn't regret having kids young that as soon as I was married, had my degree, and bought a house, I'd have a baby.
I was married at 18, March 15th, 2002.
I bought my house at 21, July 30th, 2004.
I graduated from college at 21 also, December 18th, 2004.
And I got pregnant when I was 22, October 14th, 2005.
But of course, by then I had moved into a job that I really love. And financially, it isn't possible for me to be a stay-at-home mom to Taryn, but it kills me to think that even if I could do it, if it was a possibility, I don't know if I would.
I can't imagine giving up my job to stay home, and cook, and clean, and take care of the baby. I can't imagine not having the opportunity to meet new people on a daily basis, or not having the opportunity to cultivate relationships with my coworkers. I can't imagine not using my degree after I worked so hard to earn it, or the day when my kids are all in school and I am left with no relevant work experience and have to start all over again at the bottom and work my way up.
And I also can't fathom why all of a sudden, I am so dedicated to my "career" when I'd never really wanted one to begin with.
The more I process it, I realize that life would not be as dreary as I make it out to be, if I were at home all day long, and I also understand that nobody wishes they had worked more, but rather that they had spent more time with loved ones. But my life outside of my home is very important to me, and though I treasure this time I have with Taryn while she is a baby, I am also looking forward to working again and having a sense of purpose in my life, aside from caring for her.
If I could stay home for the first year, I would. But if it was between staying home until she was in Kindergarten and going back to work after 6.5 months, I'd have to start looking for daycare.
I do have reationalizations for it.
I truly believe that children after a certain age need to interact with other kids daily, in order to build social skills, to build up their immunities, and to see in general that there is a world outside of their home.
I also believe that mothers, in order to be effective need a lot of support, and I also know that I am not good at seeking out that support on my own, and that I would probably fall into a much deeper depression if I wasn't forced to interact with people daily.
That's all. And for me, those two reasons, coupled with the fact that I am the main bread-winner in this family, makes me believe that I am doing an okay thing by going back to work. It's going to be heart-wrenching to drop her off and head to work. It's going to be even more painful when I have to hear second-hand that she said her first word, or took her first step, but instead of focusing on that I'll just need to make the most out of every second that she and I have together, and hopefully our bond will be that much stronger because I won't take having her around for granted, like I've begun to do the past couple months.
And I guess, as long as she knows that I love her with all my heart, and that I'm doing what I think is best for both of us, things can't go too wrong, right?
When I was in high school, I had no aspirations of a dream career in which I would throw my entire being and have a burning passion to pursue at all costs. Sure, I went through the typical phases, wanting to be a lawyer, dreams of being a doctor, but those were all shattered when I decided I wanted to be an astronaut.
I was serious about it. I took Honors Chemistry and was planning on physics my Senior year of high school. I took the military aptitude test and scored very high, so my plan was to do my time in the Air Force, become a pilot, then move my way over to Nasa. My Junior year I applied, and won, an internship with NASA, one of the greatest accomplishments of my life at that time, but one in which I was later sorely disappointed. After only a few weeks of work, I decided that although I loved the idea of being an astronaut, I would never be able to work with "those people" for the rest of my life. So I gave up.
And I really had very little ambition after that. I figured I would go to college, because that was what was expected, and I didn't want to work at Mervyn's the rest of my life. But what I really wanted to do was get married and have kids. I set a goal for myself, so that I wouldn't regret having kids young that as soon as I was married, had my degree, and bought a house, I'd have a baby.
I was married at 18, March 15th, 2002.
I bought my house at 21, July 30th, 2004.
I graduated from college at 21 also, December 18th, 2004.
And I got pregnant when I was 22, October 14th, 2005.
But of course, by then I had moved into a job that I really love. And financially, it isn't possible for me to be a stay-at-home mom to Taryn, but it kills me to think that even if I could do it, if it was a possibility, I don't know if I would.
I can't imagine giving up my job to stay home, and cook, and clean, and take care of the baby. I can't imagine not having the opportunity to meet new people on a daily basis, or not having the opportunity to cultivate relationships with my coworkers. I can't imagine not using my degree after I worked so hard to earn it, or the day when my kids are all in school and I am left with no relevant work experience and have to start all over again at the bottom and work my way up.
And I also can't fathom why all of a sudden, I am so dedicated to my "career" when I'd never really wanted one to begin with.
The more I process it, I realize that life would not be as dreary as I make it out to be, if I were at home all day long, and I also understand that nobody wishes they had worked more, but rather that they had spent more time with loved ones. But my life outside of my home is very important to me, and though I treasure this time I have with Taryn while she is a baby, I am also looking forward to working again and having a sense of purpose in my life, aside from caring for her.
If I could stay home for the first year, I would. But if it was between staying home until she was in Kindergarten and going back to work after 6.5 months, I'd have to start looking for daycare.
I do have reationalizations for it.
I truly believe that children after a certain age need to interact with other kids daily, in order to build social skills, to build up their immunities, and to see in general that there is a world outside of their home.
I also believe that mothers, in order to be effective need a lot of support, and I also know that I am not good at seeking out that support on my own, and that I would probably fall into a much deeper depression if I wasn't forced to interact with people daily.
That's all. And for me, those two reasons, coupled with the fact that I am the main bread-winner in this family, makes me believe that I am doing an okay thing by going back to work. It's going to be heart-wrenching to drop her off and head to work. It's going to be even more painful when I have to hear second-hand that she said her first word, or took her first step, but instead of focusing on that I'll just need to make the most out of every second that she and I have together, and hopefully our bond will be that much stronger because I won't take having her around for granted, like I've begun to do the past couple months.
And I guess, as long as she knows that I love her with all my heart, and that I'm doing what I think is best for both of us, things can't go too wrong, right?
November 10, 2006
That Lame Pilates Post?
I really ass did send that on Tuesday night before the computer was fixed.
Damn Blogger.
Like Teapot/Humpy Dumpty said, "Good thing you're OCD."
For Real.
Damn Blogger.
Like Teapot/Humpy Dumpty said, "Good thing you're OCD."
For Real.
shed kick my ass in pilates
taryn has been trying to roll over for the past few
days now. she hasnt done it yet, but shes getting
really close. the way shes been trying is by lifting
her legs straight up, crossed at the ankles, then
swinging them to the side and trying to use momentum
to roll over. and while i was watching her i realized
that her abs are stronger than mine! i could never do
as many leg lifts as she can and ive been exercising
longer than shes been alive...
November 9, 2006
If You Haven't Noticed....
I have serious issues with people telling me what to do.
Even "friendly suggestions" irritate me when people tell me more than once. Isn't it obvious, if I didn't do it the first time, I don't want to?
I think I have more serious issues with my mom telling me stuff. Like today, when she came over to watch the baby I was having a bit of trouble pumping (I know, TMFI, but look, my let-down is pretty much non-existent when I'm pumping, maybe because it's just so so sooooo weird of a sensation, and with the sound of the pump.... it just doesn't work well for me unless Taryn nurses and gets the milk flowing).
So anyway, she mentioned that maybe she'll have to give Taryn some formula today, and I kind of just shrugged it off with a flippant comment something like, "She's going to starve before I give her formula," which, may I mention, I have said before.
Because the thing is, it's not that I'm entirely opposed to formula, I've actually been considering it at night to help her sleep a bit longer if the cereal doesn't work, but look.
First off, my baby is not getting formula unless I make the decision.
Second, I have milk frozen for a reason, exactly because I don't want to give her formula right now.
Third, I'm stubborn, and I want to exclusively breastfeed as long as possible and not fuck around with the supply issue unless it's absolutely necessary.
Fourth, I'm cheap. I mean frugal. But I'm not going to open an $8 can of formula to feed her once and toss the rest because it doesn't get used.
Fifth, you've already said that I need to give her formula, or at least have it available for when you watch her, but when it comes right down to it...
I DON'T FN WANT TO
And here's the rub, I wonder if I don't want to simply because everyone and their mother (including mine) keeps suggesting that I give her formula, and I'm stubborn, and I want to do it my way, and I'm the only one suffering here, so why can't I do it how I want? I mean, babies have lived for the last howevermanyyears without it, so why does mine need it now?
But more importantly, when I tell someone I don't want to do something, why do they keep bringing it up??? I know I can be wishy-washy sometimes, but really?
Even "friendly suggestions" irritate me when people tell me more than once. Isn't it obvious, if I didn't do it the first time, I don't want to?
I think I have more serious issues with my mom telling me stuff. Like today, when she came over to watch the baby I was having a bit of trouble pumping (I know, TMFI, but look, my let-down is pretty much non-existent when I'm pumping, maybe because it's just so so sooooo weird of a sensation, and with the sound of the pump.... it just doesn't work well for me unless Taryn nurses and gets the milk flowing).
So anyway, she mentioned that maybe she'll have to give Taryn some formula today, and I kind of just shrugged it off with a flippant comment something like, "She's going to starve before I give her formula," which, may I mention, I have said before.
Because the thing is, it's not that I'm entirely opposed to formula, I've actually been considering it at night to help her sleep a bit longer if the cereal doesn't work, but look.
First off, my baby is not getting formula unless I make the decision.
Second, I have milk frozen for a reason, exactly because I don't want to give her formula right now.
Third, I'm stubborn, and I want to exclusively breastfeed as long as possible and not fuck around with the supply issue unless it's absolutely necessary.
Fourth, I'm cheap. I mean frugal. But I'm not going to open an $8 can of formula to feed her once and toss the rest because it doesn't get used.
Fifth, you've already said that I need to give her formula, or at least have it available for when you watch her, but when it comes right down to it...
I DON'T FN WANT TO
And here's the rub, I wonder if I don't want to simply because everyone and their mother (including mine) keeps suggesting that I give her formula, and I'm stubborn, and I want to do it my way, and I'm the only one suffering here, so why can't I do it how I want? I mean, babies have lived for the last howevermanyyears without it, so why does mine need it now?
But more importantly, when I tell someone I don't want to do something, why do they keep bringing it up??? I know I can be wishy-washy sometimes, but really?
November 8, 2006
Frugal Foodie
Food is one of those things that I *always* have money for. Those cute little asterisks? I'll only spend money that I don't have on really yummy food.
You know, for celebrations and the such, I can't think of a better way to hang out, catch up, and get your grub on than hitting up a fancy joint and paying a $600 bill. Seriously. But if I can't afford The Melting Pot, or Pasha's or TJ's Matini Bar, or just don't have an excuse to go, here's my favorite spots to chow down in Marin, for under $10.
1. Ping's (San Rafael, near Office Depot). Absoulutely de-lish Chinese food. And their lunch specials give you a massive amount of food (I'm talking roll-me-out-the-door-I'm-so-damn-full, plus leftovers), which was of course the best when I was preggo and needed to eat every hour or so. It's especially good if you catch it on the right day, Fridays, I think, and you get those little crab puff things and hot and sour soup. Yum! Also, unlike a lot of Chinese places, you can get rice or chow mein with your food. Plus, the waiters are always super-nice, and the food is fast, perfect for lunch breaks.
2. Sonoma Taco (Terra Linda, near Safeway). I love this place. Not only is the food healthy, they give you a good portion without making you feel too full, perfect if you're not trying to pack on the pounds. The tortas are so FN good, I'd sell my soul for a lifetime supply ... actually, pretty much everything is damn delactable. And I love the salsa bar so much I could make a meal out of just that. Only downside, some of the cooks are ... creepy. But they have Jarritos, which only sucks if you try to bring it back to work un-opened, and don't have a bottle opened. Oops.
3. Jhan Thong (Northgate mall). Okay, so I know, mall food? But this place is Thai, and it's close to the best I've had. The lunch special gives you three choices, and even though I'm digging most of the extensive menu, I pretty much always order the same thing: pad thai, noodle salad, and ginger chicken. Everyone who works there is super-nice, and the make your food fresh off the menu, so you might wait a bit, but it's not stale and greasy like a lot of other places that just scoop and serve. And for less than $7 I ususally have leftovers, obviously a plus in my book. Even the ice water is freshly poured and served. Quality, see?
4. In-n-Out (Tiburon? I don't know, but right off the freeway). I'm not a huge fan of fast food, in fact, I probably eat it maybe once every few months by choice (besides pizza, but that's another story). But this place is super-yummy, if not a bit far from my house. I'm not a huge fan of the fries, they are a bit too all-natural tasting for me, but if I'm stranded on a desert island and have to eat one meal for the rest of my life? Cheeseburgers (animal sytle) and the strewberry shake from this place would let me die happy.
5. Pasta Pomodoro (Novato and San Rafael). I love Italian food, and this place may or may not be real Italian, but it's good. I'm digging the garlic cream sauces (like on the Rigatoni) and they give you a lot of meat and veggies in your pasta, not just noodles like some other places. Plus, if you're really broke you could actually split a plate and fill up on the free bread, it's enough food. I haven't had any baked pasta dishes, but I've seen them and the look fantastic, I'm just so in love with the two pasta dishes with chicken, muchrooms and that cream sauce I haven't been able to order anything else. Plus, the waiters are generally pretty nice, except the time they prepared fettuccine with "crutons" instead of prawns.
Dim-witted youngin'.
6. Original Buffalo Wings (Novato and San Rafael). Okay, I know a lot of people don't like this place, but let me break it down for you. The cheesesteaks are pretty decent, the best I've been able to find in California besides a little place in Santa Monica that P and I ate at every day (sometimes twice a day) on our honeymoon. Yes, I've been to Philly and had a few real ones, and nothing compares, but these are close enough to satiate my desire since I can't afford to go back to get the real thing. Also, the sauce on the wings is damn good too, nice and hot, though I admit the wings are some dinky little pieces of nothing that would get you shot in Atlanta. But you can get the sauce by itself, and cooking it at home with your own chicken is a good option to make a little go a long way. Plus, the guys always give me extra wings without being too nasty about it. Always appreciated.
So there you go. Know any other good places in Marin? Let me know, I'm always looking to add to my list of favorites.
You know, for celebrations and the such, I can't think of a better way to hang out, catch up, and get your grub on than hitting up a fancy joint and paying a $600 bill. Seriously. But if I can't afford The Melting Pot, or Pasha's or TJ's Matini Bar, or just don't have an excuse to go, here's my favorite spots to chow down in Marin, for under $10.
1. Ping's (San Rafael, near Office Depot). Absoulutely de-lish Chinese food. And their lunch specials give you a massive amount of food (I'm talking roll-me-out-the-door-I'm-so-damn-full, plus leftovers), which was of course the best when I was preggo and needed to eat every hour or so. It's especially good if you catch it on the right day, Fridays, I think, and you get those little crab puff things and hot and sour soup. Yum! Also, unlike a lot of Chinese places, you can get rice or chow mein with your food. Plus, the waiters are always super-nice, and the food is fast, perfect for lunch breaks.
2. Sonoma Taco (Terra Linda, near Safeway). I love this place. Not only is the food healthy, they give you a good portion without making you feel too full, perfect if you're not trying to pack on the pounds. The tortas are so FN good, I'd sell my soul for a lifetime supply ... actually, pretty much everything is damn delactable. And I love the salsa bar so much I could make a meal out of just that. Only downside, some of the cooks are ... creepy. But they have Jarritos, which only sucks if you try to bring it back to work un-opened, and don't have a bottle opened. Oops.
3. Jhan Thong (Northgate mall). Okay, so I know, mall food? But this place is Thai, and it's close to the best I've had. The lunch special gives you three choices, and even though I'm digging most of the extensive menu, I pretty much always order the same thing: pad thai, noodle salad, and ginger chicken. Everyone who works there is super-nice, and the make your food fresh off the menu, so you might wait a bit, but it's not stale and greasy like a lot of other places that just scoop and serve. And for less than $7 I ususally have leftovers, obviously a plus in my book. Even the ice water is freshly poured and served. Quality, see?
4. In-n-Out (Tiburon? I don't know, but right off the freeway). I'm not a huge fan of fast food, in fact, I probably eat it maybe once every few months by choice (besides pizza, but that's another story). But this place is super-yummy, if not a bit far from my house. I'm not a huge fan of the fries, they are a bit too all-natural tasting for me, but if I'm stranded on a desert island and have to eat one meal for the rest of my life? Cheeseburgers (animal sytle) and the strewberry shake from this place would let me die happy.
5. Pasta Pomodoro (Novato and San Rafael). I love Italian food, and this place may or may not be real Italian, but it's good. I'm digging the garlic cream sauces (like on the Rigatoni) and they give you a lot of meat and veggies in your pasta, not just noodles like some other places. Plus, if you're really broke you could actually split a plate and fill up on the free bread, it's enough food. I haven't had any baked pasta dishes, but I've seen them and the look fantastic, I'm just so in love with the two pasta dishes with chicken, muchrooms and that cream sauce I haven't been able to order anything else. Plus, the waiters are generally pretty nice, except the time they prepared fettuccine with "crutons" instead of prawns.
Dim-witted youngin'.
6. Original Buffalo Wings (Novato and San Rafael). Okay, I know a lot of people don't like this place, but let me break it down for you. The cheesesteaks are pretty decent, the best I've been able to find in California besides a little place in Santa Monica that P and I ate at every day (sometimes twice a day) on our honeymoon. Yes, I've been to Philly and had a few real ones, and nothing compares, but these are close enough to satiate my desire since I can't afford to go back to get the real thing. Also, the sauce on the wings is damn good too, nice and hot, though I admit the wings are some dinky little pieces of nothing that would get you shot in Atlanta. But you can get the sauce by itself, and cooking it at home with your own chicken is a good option to make a little go a long way. Plus, the guys always give me extra wings without being too nasty about it. Always appreciated.
So there you go. Know any other good places in Marin? Let me know, I'm always looking to add to my list of favorites.
November 7, 2006
I Knew This Was a TEST!!
And I passed damnit!
I sent a blog from my phone, nothing fancy, but the mess didn't post and I'm not sure why. But Yay! My 'puter is working again, and this is just proof again that I need my own machine, I don't care how old or decrepit, just one P can't mess with.
Man, I was stressed that I was going to miss today...
I sent a blog from my phone, nothing fancy, but the mess didn't post and I'm not sure why. But Yay! My 'puter is working again, and this is just proof again that I need my own machine, I don't care how old or decrepit, just one P can't mess with.
Man, I was stressed that I was going to miss today...
November 6, 2006
damn puter
so just to explain why the lame post tonight, p said a
piece of the motherboard melted and now the computer
is jacked. hope this isnt the end of nablopomo for me.
ill try my damnest to post from my phone, well see how
it goes.
November 5, 2006
More Lessons from the Trenches
1. Johnson's baby products (the pink ones) are too harsh for a baby's skin. They smell good, but all the frangrance and dyes in it dried out Taryn's skin and make her flake for weeks.
2. Baby laundry soap doesn't work. It doesn't get spit-up or poop out of the clothes, and it's super expensive. Better to just put the clothes through an extra rinse cycle and use Tide.
3. Babies are not made to sleep in complete silence. Taryn sleeps much better when we have a lot of people over and are making noise, she even sleeps through the puppies barking if there are other background sounds.
4. Changing tables are essential. Especially when your back spasms when you bend over from carrying the baby around for hours.
5. Medicine balls are also a God-send. They calm, they soothe, the put to sleep, and then when you have free time, you can use it to work off some of that belly roll.
6. Teethers that don't have a handle for the baby to hold onto are pretty much useless. Taryn hates the ice-cold feel of frozen water, and won't hold it to use it, and honestly, I don't like the feel much either.
7. It is possuble to hold an infant and pee (and wipe!) at the same time.
8. Milk leaks at all times of the day. Be prepared.
9. Bassinettes are not a waste of money. We can bring Taryn anywhere, anytime, and she sleeps fine in a strange place when she has her bassinette.
10. Baby socks can double as mittens on a cold day, or to keep her from scratching her face and gouging out her eyes.
2. Baby laundry soap doesn't work. It doesn't get spit-up or poop out of the clothes, and it's super expensive. Better to just put the clothes through an extra rinse cycle and use Tide.
3. Babies are not made to sleep in complete silence. Taryn sleeps much better when we have a lot of people over and are making noise, she even sleeps through the puppies barking if there are other background sounds.
4. Changing tables are essential. Especially when your back spasms when you bend over from carrying the baby around for hours.
5. Medicine balls are also a God-send. They calm, they soothe, the put to sleep, and then when you have free time, you can use it to work off some of that belly roll.
6. Teethers that don't have a handle for the baby to hold onto are pretty much useless. Taryn hates the ice-cold feel of frozen water, and won't hold it to use it, and honestly, I don't like the feel much either.
7. It is possuble to hold an infant and pee (and wipe!) at the same time.
8. Milk leaks at all times of the day. Be prepared.
9. Bassinettes are not a waste of money. We can bring Taryn anywhere, anytime, and she sleeps fine in a strange place when she has her bassinette.
10. Baby socks can double as mittens on a cold day, or to keep her from scratching her face and gouging out her eyes.
November 4, 2006
Head Case
The family spent the night over at T & B's yesterday. We had originally gone over to help prepare for Erika's party, catch up a bit since we all seem to be so busy lately, and (my job) to provide entertainment and company while T made the cake.
I made some de-lish Sangria, a recipe I came up with from blending a few I saw online, and we ended up drinking about 3.5 liters of wine between 4 of us, not to mention the boys were drinking beers, so we all ended up getting nice and toasted.
Taryn, amazingly adaptable and born-to-be-a-party-animal, slept like a rock through everything, including Clara's karaoke rendition of a few R Kelly songs and the boys yelling and locking each other in the bathroom. She is so good when we take her out, all snuggled up in her bassinette, and she sleeps longer when we are out than she does at the house. I pumped, but only ended up using one bottle because she slept in 4 hour stretches all night long.**
Tee-hee-hee. When the boys went to get the pizza, T and I chugged their beers and filled them up with olive oil. Brandon's face when he took a swig was priceless.
So back to the Head Case.
Taryn and I slept on the couch, which was pretty comfy, but a touch narrow. So when I woke up at 7-ish, I decided to go home and sleep in my own bed for a bit, because the real birthday party is tonight, and I needed to rest up for another round. I kicked P, who had passed out on the floor behind the couch and asked him if he wanted to come with me, or stay and sleep there. His drunk reply was a garbled "stay" so I grabbed the baby and headed home. About an hour and a half later he called, but I was comfy and figured if I didn't answer he'd just go back to sleep, and I could pick him up around 10 to come home and shower.
At close to 10, when the baby finally woke up (another wonderful thing she does when we've been up late, she seems to know we need to sleep and doesn't get up at the ass-crack of dawn like normal) the dogs start barking and I hear P clomping up the stairs. I assumed B had given him a ride home, but no.
He said he walked.
Now, of course I assumed he was kidding, we had been discussing the night before how long it would take to walk from their place to ours and figured maybe 2 hours. I checked my phone and calculated he had called about 1.5 hours before, and started congratulating him on his good time, feeling a bit guilty I didn't answer the phone when he called.
He said he walked outside to call me because he didn't remember me leaving, but when he closed the door, he got locked out. Instead of a normal person ringing the bell to get back in, he decides to walk to McDonald's to get breakfast. That's a good 20 minutes away, on foot. Evidently while walking there, he saw Will coming back from McD's and stopped to talk to him, shared a cheeseburger, and noticed that SueBob was following him in the shoebox (another story completely).
So again, instead of a normal person asking for a ride home, P continues to McD's gets a couple more burgers and camps out at the bus stop to get home.
If he had called, I could have gone to get him, but the message he leaves is, "I dont know where you went, call me back. Besas."
So an hour and a half later, he gets to the house after seriously walking almost half-way home, kicks off his shoes and gets into bed. Doesn't complain, just relates his travels for the day, plays with the baby a bit, and then drifts off to sleep.
What a weirdo. A genuine Head Case.
** Just as a note, if you know me it is already clear that Taryn is my #1 priority at all times. When we bring her to a party, it is so that we don't get tempted to drive drunk to get home to her at night. And I always make sure that I don't drink too much when she's with us, so that I always able to respond to her needs. I carry her monitor with me all the time, I pump milk beforehand so she doesn't get alcohol or tobacco in her system, and I don't let P sleep in the bed with us if he's been drinking, since he's such a heavy sleeper anyway. This might be a long-winded explanation, but I don't want anyone for even a second to think that we would put her in danger so that we could party.
I made some de-lish Sangria, a recipe I came up with from blending a few I saw online, and we ended up drinking about 3.5 liters of wine between 4 of us, not to mention the boys were drinking beers, so we all ended up getting nice and toasted.
Taryn, amazingly adaptable and born-to-be-a-party-animal, slept like a rock through everything, including Clara's karaoke rendition of a few R Kelly songs and the boys yelling and locking each other in the bathroom. She is so good when we take her out, all snuggled up in her bassinette, and she sleeps longer when we are out than she does at the house. I pumped, but only ended up using one bottle because she slept in 4 hour stretches all night long.**
Tee-hee-hee. When the boys went to get the pizza, T and I chugged their beers and filled them up with olive oil. Brandon's face when he took a swig was priceless.
So back to the Head Case.
Taryn and I slept on the couch, which was pretty comfy, but a touch narrow. So when I woke up at 7-ish, I decided to go home and sleep in my own bed for a bit, because the real birthday party is tonight, and I needed to rest up for another round. I kicked P, who had passed out on the floor behind the couch and asked him if he wanted to come with me, or stay and sleep there. His drunk reply was a garbled "stay" so I grabbed the baby and headed home. About an hour and a half later he called, but I was comfy and figured if I didn't answer he'd just go back to sleep, and I could pick him up around 10 to come home and shower.
At close to 10, when the baby finally woke up (another wonderful thing she does when we've been up late, she seems to know we need to sleep and doesn't get up at the ass-crack of dawn like normal) the dogs start barking and I hear P clomping up the stairs. I assumed B had given him a ride home, but no.
He said he walked.
Now, of course I assumed he was kidding, we had been discussing the night before how long it would take to walk from their place to ours and figured maybe 2 hours. I checked my phone and calculated he had called about 1.5 hours before, and started congratulating him on his good time, feeling a bit guilty I didn't answer the phone when he called.
He said he walked outside to call me because he didn't remember me leaving, but when he closed the door, he got locked out. Instead of a normal person ringing the bell to get back in, he decides to walk to McDonald's to get breakfast. That's a good 20 minutes away, on foot. Evidently while walking there, he saw Will coming back from McD's and stopped to talk to him, shared a cheeseburger, and noticed that SueBob was following him in the shoebox (another story completely).
So again, instead of a normal person asking for a ride home, P continues to McD's gets a couple more burgers and camps out at the bus stop to get home.
If he had called, I could have gone to get him, but the message he leaves is, "I dont know where you went, call me back. Besas."
So an hour and a half later, he gets to the house after seriously walking almost half-way home, kicks off his shoes and gets into bed. Doesn't complain, just relates his travels for the day, plays with the baby a bit, and then drifts off to sleep.
What a weirdo. A genuine Head Case.
** Just as a note, if you know me it is already clear that Taryn is my #1 priority at all times. When we bring her to a party, it is so that we don't get tempted to drive drunk to get home to her at night. And I always make sure that I don't drink too much when she's with us, so that I always able to respond to her needs. I carry her monitor with me all the time, I pump milk beforehand so she doesn't get alcohol or tobacco in her system, and I don't let P sleep in the bed with us if he's been drinking, since he's such a heavy sleeper anyway. This might be a long-winded explanation, but I don't want anyone for even a second to think that we would put her in danger so that we could party.
November 3, 2006
"Ma'am, Please Calm Down...."
I hate being handled. You know when someone is trying to get you to do the opposite of what you want to do? It's so much more than simple manipulation, because then, they just try to get you to do what they want you to do.
Oh no, "handling" is so much worse.
There are some "handlers" who get paid to do it, like when you call your cell phone provider because they screwed up your bill and you're put on hold for 20 minutes before you can talk to anyone. So when you finally get connected to a rep, you start the conversation off a touch irate, and then when you realize the person you're talking to is a complete idiot? It's all down-hill from there. First, don't ever swear, they never forgive you for that, even if you aren't swearing at them. And if you get a complete incompetent fool, even when you are being polite, when you ask to speak to a supervisor all you hear is "Ma'am, you'll need to calm down before I transfer you," or "I can't help you when you are this angry." WTF? You're telling me to calm down after you pissed me off? Oh-hell-no.
It's worse though when it happens from someone you know. When I was pregnant, people were always telling me what to do, like somehow they knew my body better than I did?
"Sweetie, why don't you go lie down instead? We can go out some other time." Okay wench, but I just said I wanted to go. I know I may look tired, but I've been looking like this for months! I don't get excused from doing the shitty stuff in my life, why would I pass up something mildy amusing, eh? So let's get crackin'!
Or my husband would say "Why don't you have a piece of fruit instead of another slice of pizza?" Because fool, this alien that is kicking the shit out of the insides of my ribs and making me pee every 5 minutes is demanding an offering of pizza, not a piece of damn fruit! Better yet, can you pass the ranch with that?
The ultimate handling experience is from your bosses though, for sure. "I have this project that really needs to get done asap. I know you're busy but...." Okay, so you know I'm busy, yet you still ask me to finish something you should have done months ago, and my ass only gets a few hours to do it? Gee, thanks. And by the way, I'm going to steal your job soon, fool. (Luckily for me, this happened much more at my past job).
My current boss is the opposite end of it. "Well Aletta, I don't want you to get overwhelmed with work." Look man, I'm asking for something to do, begging for more work and you deny me? What is this? I'm sick of surfing the 'net 6 hours a day, or reading manuals on programs that I already know front to back, please, please, please give me something to do! I'll make mail-in packets, or sort papers, or lick envelopes, just give me something to do!!!
Okay, one more. You know when you're going to eat with people, and you haven't decided where yet? "I don't care, where do you want to go?" Back and forth, and it's so much worse when you go out with a group of people. Well, it's not exactly handling, per se, but that shit drives me crazy. When I say I don't care, I really don't care. If I give you two options and you still can't decide, I'm liable to kick your indecisive ass outta my car (or yours, no matter) go get my lunch, and bring you back something.
Happy Friday Everyone!!
Oh no, "handling" is so much worse.
There are some "handlers" who get paid to do it, like when you call your cell phone provider because they screwed up your bill and you're put on hold for 20 minutes before you can talk to anyone. So when you finally get connected to a rep, you start the conversation off a touch irate, and then when you realize the person you're talking to is a complete idiot? It's all down-hill from there. First, don't ever swear, they never forgive you for that, even if you aren't swearing at them. And if you get a complete incompetent fool, even when you are being polite, when you ask to speak to a supervisor all you hear is "Ma'am, you'll need to calm down before I transfer you," or "I can't help you when you are this angry." WTF? You're telling me to calm down after you pissed me off? Oh-hell-no.
It's worse though when it happens from someone you know. When I was pregnant, people were always telling me what to do, like somehow they knew my body better than I did?
"Sweetie, why don't you go lie down instead? We can go out some other time." Okay wench, but I just said I wanted to go. I know I may look tired, but I've been looking like this for months! I don't get excused from doing the shitty stuff in my life, why would I pass up something mildy amusing, eh? So let's get crackin'!
Or my husband would say "Why don't you have a piece of fruit instead of another slice of pizza?" Because fool, this alien that is kicking the shit out of the insides of my ribs and making me pee every 5 minutes is demanding an offering of pizza, not a piece of damn fruit! Better yet, can you pass the ranch with that?
The ultimate handling experience is from your bosses though, for sure. "I have this project that really needs to get done asap. I know you're busy but...." Okay, so you know I'm busy, yet you still ask me to finish something you should have done months ago, and my ass only gets a few hours to do it? Gee, thanks. And by the way, I'm going to steal your job soon, fool. (Luckily for me, this happened much more at my past job).
My current boss is the opposite end of it. "Well Aletta, I don't want you to get overwhelmed with work." Look man, I'm asking for something to do, begging for more work and you deny me? What is this? I'm sick of surfing the 'net 6 hours a day, or reading manuals on programs that I already know front to back, please, please, please give me something to do! I'll make mail-in packets, or sort papers, or lick envelopes, just give me something to do!!!
Okay, one more. You know when you're going to eat with people, and you haven't decided where yet? "I don't care, where do you want to go?" Back and forth, and it's so much worse when you go out with a group of people. Well, it's not exactly handling, per se, but that shit drives me crazy. When I say I don't care, I really don't care. If I give you two options and you still can't decide, I'm liable to kick your indecisive ass outta my car (or yours, no matter) go get my lunch, and bring you back something.
Happy Friday Everyone!!
November 2, 2006
Back in the Day
I had coffee with a friened of mine from back in the day today. More specifically, she was my best friend in kindergarten to about the 3rd grade. She found me on myspace, and after a few months (because of course I was MIA for a while after Taryn was born) we actually coordinated schedules to meet.
It was so good seeing her, seeing someone who knew me "back then" and didn't associate me with all the BS I went through, and all the drama from high school. I'm not one of those people who hated high school, it was just as a fact, the darkest time of my life.
I feel like she's totally blossomed, from a shy little kid to this gorgeous, intelligent woman, and I don't feel like I've done the same. I feel like this, now, is my adolescence, where I get to figure out who I am and what I want to do with myself.
I grew up too fast, partly from a desire to escape my childhood and take some sort of control of my life, partly out of necessity, in order to survive. I started working at Subway when I was 14, and have pretty much held a job ever since, except for a few months here and there due one season of basketball, a few months away at school, childbirth, that kind of thing. And I'm just now wishing, as an adult, that someone had made me slow down, smell the roses, enjoy being a kid, instead of supporting my working so damn much and missing out on a time of my life I can never have back.
But it's not all bad, I learned to manage money very young, I bought my own car when I was 16, I learned how to financially take care of myself and my needs, even when I didn't know how to do it emotionally.
So there it is, after all this I've come full circle. Coming back to learn the things I missed growing up. Like small talk. And remembering names. Treating myself with respect. Figuring out what I want to be "when I grow up." Finding my niche, that thing that I'm good at and makes me happy.
Even though I'm ahead of the pack in many ways, I've fallen so far behind in others. Everyone develops differently, I'm learning that from Taryn, but the one mistake I vow not to repeat is making her grow too fast and miss her childchild. Nobody can be a fully functioning adult without those lessons.
One the menu for tomorrow: Being Handled.
It was so good seeing her, seeing someone who knew me "back then" and didn't associate me with all the BS I went through, and all the drama from high school. I'm not one of those people who hated high school, it was just as a fact, the darkest time of my life.
I feel like she's totally blossomed, from a shy little kid to this gorgeous, intelligent woman, and I don't feel like I've done the same. I feel like this, now, is my adolescence, where I get to figure out who I am and what I want to do with myself.
I grew up too fast, partly from a desire to escape my childhood and take some sort of control of my life, partly out of necessity, in order to survive. I started working at Subway when I was 14, and have pretty much held a job ever since, except for a few months here and there due one season of basketball, a few months away at school, childbirth, that kind of thing. And I'm just now wishing, as an adult, that someone had made me slow down, smell the roses, enjoy being a kid, instead of supporting my working so damn much and missing out on a time of my life I can never have back.
But it's not all bad, I learned to manage money very young, I bought my own car when I was 16, I learned how to financially take care of myself and my needs, even when I didn't know how to do it emotionally.
So there it is, after all this I've come full circle. Coming back to learn the things I missed growing up. Like small talk. And remembering names. Treating myself with respect. Figuring out what I want to be "when I grow up." Finding my niche, that thing that I'm good at and makes me happy.
Even though I'm ahead of the pack in many ways, I've fallen so far behind in others. Everyone develops differently, I'm learning that from Taryn, but the one mistake I vow not to repeat is making her grow too fast and miss her childchild. Nobody can be a fully functioning adult without those lessons.
One the menu for tomorrow: Being Handled.
November 1, 2006
Day 1 - Rabbit Rabbit
Let me take a minute to explain the sudden onslaught of new blogs that will be posted in the next month ... one a day to be specific.
I started my blog to get myself writing more, and instead I have relegated this piece of myself to those times when I have "time" which, being a new mommy is a lot less than I expected. But since writing is the only way I can express myself clearly (though not always with complete honesty) I have taken the NaBloPoMo challenge!
November is National Blog Posting Month, and if I am able to post at least one blog per day, I might win a lovely t-shirt that states so eloquently "I fuck like a girl!" Priceless, right? The real gem of this whole competition against myself and my laziness is that hopefully I will get into the habit of posting more often, maybe even get some real readers, but most importantly to capture who I am each day this month so one day I can look back and laugh at how young I once was!
Let me warn you though, I bitch a lot. I try to relegate my bitching to my other blog (not myspace, the other one) But since I have to post every single day here, and most days I only have something to bitch about, there will be quite a few rants, questions to the universe and the like. Sorry, you want to know me, you're going to get it. So if I offend, I apologize ahead of time. And if you have any ideas on what to write about, please leave me a comment to let me know... I'm sure I'll be struggling in a week or so!
Okay, hope you enjoy, and stay tuned ...
I started my blog to get myself writing more, and instead I have relegated this piece of myself to those times when I have "time" which, being a new mommy is a lot less than I expected. But since writing is the only way I can express myself clearly (though not always with complete honesty) I have taken the NaBloPoMo challenge!
November is National Blog Posting Month, and if I am able to post at least one blog per day, I might win a lovely t-shirt that states so eloquently "I fuck like a girl!" Priceless, right? The real gem of this whole competition against myself and my laziness is that hopefully I will get into the habit of posting more often, maybe even get some real readers, but most importantly to capture who I am each day this month so one day I can look back and laugh at how young I once was!
Let me warn you though, I bitch a lot. I try to relegate my bitching to my other blog (not myspace, the other one) But since I have to post every single day here, and most days I only have something to bitch about, there will be quite a few rants, questions to the universe and the like. Sorry, you want to know me, you're going to get it. So if I offend, I apologize ahead of time. And if you have any ideas on what to write about, please leave me a comment to let me know... I'm sure I'll be struggling in a week or so!
Okay, hope you enjoy, and stay tuned ...
October 25, 2006
Frugal vs. Cheap
Since I've been on maternity leave, the "C word" has been tossed around like a chicken in a tornado, sometimes in reference to my own spending habits, more often in reference to my husband's. I'm starting to think some folks* don't get the difference, specifically those who call me cheap, so I thought I'd elucidate them on some major differnces between the two.
Frugal is clipping coupons from the newspaper to use at Safeway; Cheap is dumpster diving behind Safeway.
Frugal is going to a matinee to see a movie; Cheap is being a grown-ass person and sneaking into the theatre.
Frugal is buying shoes at Ross; Cheap is stealing shoes from Payless.
Frugal is buying a Costco size box of Huggies; Cheap is using Safeway brand diapers.
Frugal is buying dinner using your Marin Express; Cheap is having a dinner date at Burger King. With a coupon.
Frugal is using an at-home kit to dye your hair; Cheap is dyeing your hair with Kool Aid.
Frugal is buying a regular coffee at Dr. Insomia's; Cheap is bringing your own coffee to Peet's.
Frugal is cooking chicken and meat at a BBQ; Cheap is ordering 5 Costco pizzas for a birthday party.
So you see folks, I'm quite on the frugal end of the spectrum. I do spend money, I just spend it wisely. I mean, who cares if I drink "2 buck chuck" at least it's better than Old E. And really, who knows the difference if I have a phone at home or not, I really don't answer phones anyway. And is it so bad to sell coupons on craigslist that I get for free? It's all in the perspective.
*You know who you are. Do I need to name names here?
Frugal is clipping coupons from the newspaper to use at Safeway; Cheap is dumpster diving behind Safeway.
Frugal is going to a matinee to see a movie; Cheap is being a grown-ass person and sneaking into the theatre.
Frugal is buying shoes at Ross; Cheap is stealing shoes from Payless.
Frugal is buying a Costco size box of Huggies; Cheap is using Safeway brand diapers.
Frugal is buying dinner using your Marin Express; Cheap is having a dinner date at Burger King. With a coupon.
Frugal is using an at-home kit to dye your hair; Cheap is dyeing your hair with Kool Aid.
Frugal is buying a regular coffee at Dr. Insomia's; Cheap is bringing your own coffee to Peet's.
Frugal is cooking chicken and meat at a BBQ; Cheap is ordering 5 Costco pizzas for a birthday party.
So you see folks, I'm quite on the frugal end of the spectrum. I do spend money, I just spend it wisely. I mean, who cares if I drink "2 buck chuck" at least it's better than Old E. And really, who knows the difference if I have a phone at home or not, I really don't answer phones anyway. And is it so bad to sell coupons on craigslist that I get for free? It's all in the perspective.
*You know who you are. Do I need to name names here?
October 21, 2006
Month Four
SweetPea! You turned four months old yesterday!
First, sorry for the late letter. We went on a hike yesterday with Dakota and his mom, and even though we kicked both their booties (figuratively, of course, since I'm sore as all get-out today too) when we got home we were both ready for a late lunch and a nap. At 13lbs 10ozs, you are quite a bit of extra weight to carry. Not as much as being pregnant, but I can feel how much more of a workout I get when I take you out in your carrier.
My Angel, this month you have developed so much more use of your arms and hads, it's incredible. At the beginning of the month you would clasp your hands in a vice-liek grip, just holding onto your own fingers as tightly as possible. Then you slowly started reaching for things in front of you, and now, you can grab anything within your reach. You have a little cow toy you play with all the time, and your fishy swing is once again renewing your interest as you gaze at those little fish for hours, watching them spin above your head. You also are in the habit of holding onto one boob, while nursing on the other. I'd have to say this is one habit we'll have to break you of, at least in public, pretty soon. Speaking of nipples, you are also starting to gum me like an old man, and if something distracts you while you've got a hold on me, you turn your head and stretch it out about six times longer than I think God intended me to be. It hurts, but you look so happy it's hard to complain.
You're sarting to get a little scared of strangers. I've brought you to the gym with me to work out, and every time I pick you up you're crying. I'm hoping soon you'll be like the other little kids and play with strangers, but maybe you're just like Mommy and it will take a little bit longer for you to warm up to some people. Because Luv, when I have you in my arms and we're out shopping, you talk and babble and smile at everyone, and people's faces just light up to see you paying attention to them. People stop us in the street constantly to say how beautiful and happy you look, and how your laugh makes their days.
We showed you a DVD of about 200 of your pictures this month. It's weird, I don't think you recognize yourself. You know the face, of course, but I don't think you realize yet that it belongs to you. When you were watching the video, you started laughing at the pictures of you crying, and you smile at yourself on the TV. You are quite infatuated with the TV in general. If I ever need to take a shower or make dinner and you are fussy, I know I can snap on the boob-tube, and you'll be entertained. I try not to let you watch it too much, since I'd rather prefer that you read, but sometimes we gotta do what we gotta do. You are pretty interested in books already, especially the ones with pictures of other babies. My wish for you, my Luv, is that you develop a joy of readign from the time we have spent, and will spend in the coming years reading books and making up stories together. It will serve you so much better than a love of TV.
Well Ducky, your Uncle B is supposed to come over today to take some photos of you in your monkey suit for Halloween. Guess we should start getting ready. I have to admit one thing though. At night, after I'm finished nursing you and you are sleeping so peacefully in my arms, sometimes I just hold you, and stare at how incredibly beautiful you are. Every day I can't believe that I could love anything as much as I love you, and I treasure this time we've been able to spend together. You'll understand one day.
I love you.
Mommy
First, sorry for the late letter. We went on a hike yesterday with Dakota and his mom, and even though we kicked both their booties (figuratively, of course, since I'm sore as all get-out today too) when we got home we were both ready for a late lunch and a nap. At 13lbs 10ozs, you are quite a bit of extra weight to carry. Not as much as being pregnant, but I can feel how much more of a workout I get when I take you out in your carrier.
My Angel, this month you have developed so much more use of your arms and hads, it's incredible. At the beginning of the month you would clasp your hands in a vice-liek grip, just holding onto your own fingers as tightly as possible. Then you slowly started reaching for things in front of you, and now, you can grab anything within your reach. You have a little cow toy you play with all the time, and your fishy swing is once again renewing your interest as you gaze at those little fish for hours, watching them spin above your head. You also are in the habit of holding onto one boob, while nursing on the other. I'd have to say this is one habit we'll have to break you of, at least in public, pretty soon. Speaking of nipples, you are also starting to gum me like an old man, and if something distracts you while you've got a hold on me, you turn your head and stretch it out about six times longer than I think God intended me to be. It hurts, but you look so happy it's hard to complain.
You're sarting to get a little scared of strangers. I've brought you to the gym with me to work out, and every time I pick you up you're crying. I'm hoping soon you'll be like the other little kids and play with strangers, but maybe you're just like Mommy and it will take a little bit longer for you to warm up to some people. Because Luv, when I have you in my arms and we're out shopping, you talk and babble and smile at everyone, and people's faces just light up to see you paying attention to them. People stop us in the street constantly to say how beautiful and happy you look, and how your laugh makes their days.
We showed you a DVD of about 200 of your pictures this month. It's weird, I don't think you recognize yourself. You know the face, of course, but I don't think you realize yet that it belongs to you. When you were watching the video, you started laughing at the pictures of you crying, and you smile at yourself on the TV. You are quite infatuated with the TV in general. If I ever need to take a shower or make dinner and you are fussy, I know I can snap on the boob-tube, and you'll be entertained. I try not to let you watch it too much, since I'd rather prefer that you read, but sometimes we gotta do what we gotta do. You are pretty interested in books already, especially the ones with pictures of other babies. My wish for you, my Luv, is that you develop a joy of readign from the time we have spent, and will spend in the coming years reading books and making up stories together. It will serve you so much better than a love of TV.
Well Ducky, your Uncle B is supposed to come over today to take some photos of you in your monkey suit for Halloween. Guess we should start getting ready. I have to admit one thing though. At night, after I'm finished nursing you and you are sleeping so peacefully in my arms, sometimes I just hold you, and stare at how incredibly beautiful you are. Every day I can't believe that I could love anything as much as I love you, and I treasure this time we've been able to spend together. You'll understand one day.
I love you.
Mommy
October 17, 2006
Cloudy, Cloudy Day
I'm walking up a long, wide, winding staircase. On either side are ornately carved wooden banisters, the kind you see wealthy folks sliding down in the movies. The stairs are carpeted in a rich burgungdy colored Persian pattern with forest green and gold accents, and it is so thick it feels like walking on a cloud. I look behind me to see where I came from, but the bottom of the stairs is shrouded in deep black shadows. Up ahead, I hear the din of a party, muted laughter, glasses clinking, and I can faintly see the stairs ahead lit in the soft yellow glow of candles.
A friend calls out to me, and I reply that I am almost there. I quicken my pace on the stairs, but the light never gets brighter, the laughter never gets louder, and I never reach the party. I am perpetually trying to make it up those stairs to where everyone else is having fun, but my world is just darker, more quiet, and more lonely than everyone else's.
I'm starting to feel that familiar cloud covering my world again. I think the adrenaline and hormones from having the baby have dropped off, and my one reliable pal, Depression, is visiting again. So sorry for the lack of posts lately, things just aren't as funny as they used to be, and sorry in advance if I am pissier than normal, but that's how it flares up in me. I have a temper normally, but I have no patience at all right now, everything annoys me or makes me cry, so I choose to stay on my self-administered exile rather than alienate all you good folks.
Maybe I can find something to write about that isn't all a rant.... Maybe. Taryn is the one light in my life at the moment, but it's not fair to put such pressure on a baby angel like that. I'm working on finding out how to make myself feel better without the meds, just might take me a while.
A friend calls out to me, and I reply that I am almost there. I quicken my pace on the stairs, but the light never gets brighter, the laughter never gets louder, and I never reach the party. I am perpetually trying to make it up those stairs to where everyone else is having fun, but my world is just darker, more quiet, and more lonely than everyone else's.
I'm starting to feel that familiar cloud covering my world again. I think the adrenaline and hormones from having the baby have dropped off, and my one reliable pal, Depression, is visiting again. So sorry for the lack of posts lately, things just aren't as funny as they used to be, and sorry in advance if I am pissier than normal, but that's how it flares up in me. I have a temper normally, but I have no patience at all right now, everything annoys me or makes me cry, so I choose to stay on my self-administered exile rather than alienate all you good folks.
Maybe I can find something to write about that isn't all a rant.... Maybe. Taryn is the one light in my life at the moment, but it's not fair to put such pressure on a baby angel like that. I'm working on finding out how to make myself feel better without the meds, just might take me a while.
October 10, 2006
Brand Spankin' New Sexy Bitch of a Phone
Can I brag for a second?
I usually buy the cutest but cheapest phone I can find whenever my contract comes up for renewal, actually now that I think about it, I think I've always gotten them for free with those "instant rebate" specials they always have going on to sucker people who bought crap phones 2 years ago to renew their contract and get another crap phone.
But this year, I was brave.
The real reason I bought the phone is that I'm having issues with not having anything of my own anymore. I mean, P took over "our" computer (that really was mine first), he took over my car (and now I have to drive his ugly-ass forest green mommy car), Taryn has pretty much staked her claim on my boobs, the dogs took over my bathroom (since you-know-who doesn't take them out as much as he should, and they have to pee somewhere since they have no manners and I can't feasibly walk both of them myself while I hold the baby).
So there you have it, I'm greedy as all get-out. Whatever.
My first idea was to just buy a new car. Then I started researching child care costs, had a heart attack, and downgraded my sights to a new laptop.
But I wanted a MacBook (the black one) and looking at the pricetag on that one gave me an annurism and burned out my corneas, so I settled on a new cell phone, since I was due for one anyway, seeing as my last POS drops pretty much every call I've gotten in the last four months, and it's ugly, and the camera sucks, and I don't have enough memory to download more than a couple ringtones.
And I'm so impressed with this new beauty I have. It's a Cingular 3125, one of the STRTrec (I'm not a dork, that's probably wrong) phones. I can check my email, and IM people, and download all the songs and pictures I want. the camera still pretty much sucks, but it also has an mp3 on it so I can go to the gym and look super-cool with my little ear-buds, and not have a reason to skip my cardio. I can look at pdf, and word and excel docs, I pretty mcuh could torch my 'puter and live off the effervescent glow of this phone for the rest of my life.
Never heard of it, eh? That's because it first became available in September 2006.
And now I'm cool.
So there.
I usually buy the cutest but cheapest phone I can find whenever my contract comes up for renewal, actually now that I think about it, I think I've always gotten them for free with those "instant rebate" specials they always have going on to sucker people who bought crap phones 2 years ago to renew their contract and get another crap phone.
But this year, I was brave.
The real reason I bought the phone is that I'm having issues with not having anything of my own anymore. I mean, P took over "our" computer (that really was mine first), he took over my car (and now I have to drive his ugly-ass forest green mommy car), Taryn has pretty much staked her claim on my boobs, the dogs took over my bathroom (since you-know-who doesn't take them out as much as he should, and they have to pee somewhere since they have no manners and I can't feasibly walk both of them myself while I hold the baby).
So there you have it, I'm greedy as all get-out. Whatever.
My first idea was to just buy a new car. Then I started researching child care costs, had a heart attack, and downgraded my sights to a new laptop.
But I wanted a MacBook (the black one) and looking at the pricetag on that one gave me an annurism and burned out my corneas, so I settled on a new cell phone, since I was due for one anyway, seeing as my last POS drops pretty much every call I've gotten in the last four months, and it's ugly, and the camera sucks, and I don't have enough memory to download more than a couple ringtones.
And I'm so impressed with this new beauty I have. It's a Cingular 3125, one of the STRTrec (I'm not a dork, that's probably wrong) phones. I can check my email, and IM people, and download all the songs and pictures I want. the camera still pretty much sucks, but it also has an mp3 on it so I can go to the gym and look super-cool with my little ear-buds, and not have a reason to skip my cardio. I can look at pdf, and word and excel docs, I pretty mcuh could torch my 'puter and live off the effervescent glow of this phone for the rest of my life.
Never heard of it, eh? That's because it first became available in September 2006.
And now I'm cool.
So there.
October 3, 2006
Ferber: Love to Hate 'Em
For the first two months of Taryn's life, I completely subscribed to the idea of wholeheartedly parenting her, holding her when she cried, comforting her when she needed it, feeding her when she was hungry, etc.
Then one night, when Pedro was out playing poker with his friends and I was left alone all night with the baby, for the ump-teenth time in a row before she learned to sleep at night and she was screaming her little lungs out because she was hungry and tired, but too tired to eat, and too hungry to sleep, I felt the last of my patience fly out the window like a puff of ganja on a windy day. It was one of those moments, when you have to decide: is my sanity worth sticking to my ideals, or can I let them slip just this once and take a break from being super-me and react like a normal person?
So I put Taryn in her crib, closed her bedroom door, and went downstairs to drink a beer (Dark, of course. For milk production. I swear).
And though I thought my heart would break hearing her pitiful wails through the baby monitor, I comforted myself with the knowledge that she wasn't in pain (besides a grumbly belly), and she wasn't wet or cold or otherwise in a state that I could do anything to help her. And I promised myself that at exactly five minutes I would go back upstairs and comfort her as well as I could, but at the moment, I just needed to step away.
I needed time to calm myself down, because you have to understand at that point, I hadn't slept for more than 2 hours in a row for probably 4 months. And you may be thinking, "But Taryn was only 2 months, what gives?" And if you have ever been pregnant, I will remind you of waterfalls, lakes, rain, and puddles. But if you have never been blessed with a watermelon sitting on your bladder 24 hours a day, and 2x the normal amount of blood pulsing through your system that needs cleaning and such, I'll let you know that the last trimester is hell on your aching bladder, and I couldn't go more than a couple hours without a run to the ladies room, and could only make it to 2 hours if I was alseep for most of it.
So four or five months of being sleep deprived, and having a human hanging on your body more hours of the day than not, a husband that is MIA, a mother who works nights, a best friend who was a gimp (love ya T!), coffee for breakfast and lunch/dinner at 3pm, and hot-ass California weather, and hopefully you may have a better understanding of how desperate I was for a break from the crying (As a side-note for those of you without kids, crying peaks between 6-8 weeks in newborns, normally).
And at about 4 1/2 minutes, I went back upstairs and stood outside her door poised to rescue my darling baby from her sea of salty tears when suddenly ... the crying stopped.
So I waited.
And waited.
And finally realized that she had cried herself to sleep.
I also realized that Ferber might have had something going in his little "Cry It Out" idea. Because though some kids can wail for hours, Taryn isn't one of them, unless something is really wrong. And when she gets so tired she can't eat, and won't settle down to sleep, I've found that one of the best things I can do is to put her down, let her wail for 3 or 4 minutes until she conks out, and after 10 minutes or so of fitful sleep, she's calm enough to nurse, then sleep for much longer when her belly is full.
Don't get me wrong, I've done this three times in the last 6 weeks, since that one fateful night, and each time (like today, like right now) she will only sleep for a short time before she is awake again, and ready to start over. So I don't see how this is a long-term solution, but it works for us when nothing else will as a short-term solution.
I do think that people who do this regularly have something else going on, I mean, from what I've read, it's supposed to take only a few nights for the child to learn that crying won't bring mommy or daddy in, so they just go to sleep, but really, do I want to teach my baby that she can't count on me coming to comfort her when she crys? I want Taryn to know that when she needs me, I'm there. That's my job right now, and I am helping her learn to sleep in other ways.
And maybe I'm wrong, I mean, obviously Dr. Ferber has a massive following, or else I wouldn't know him from homeboy down the street, but I think I'd rather teach my baby not to be a spoiled, egocentric, sissy-brat, than to deal with the realities of her growing up without a sense of trust. We'll see.
Then one night, when Pedro was out playing poker with his friends and I was left alone all night with the baby, for the ump-teenth time in a row before she learned to sleep at night and she was screaming her little lungs out because she was hungry and tired, but too tired to eat, and too hungry to sleep, I felt the last of my patience fly out the window like a puff of ganja on a windy day. It was one of those moments, when you have to decide: is my sanity worth sticking to my ideals, or can I let them slip just this once and take a break from being super-me and react like a normal person?
So I put Taryn in her crib, closed her bedroom door, and went downstairs to drink a beer (Dark, of course. For milk production. I swear).
And though I thought my heart would break hearing her pitiful wails through the baby monitor, I comforted myself with the knowledge that she wasn't in pain (besides a grumbly belly), and she wasn't wet or cold or otherwise in a state that I could do anything to help her. And I promised myself that at exactly five minutes I would go back upstairs and comfort her as well as I could, but at the moment, I just needed to step away.
I needed time to calm myself down, because you have to understand at that point, I hadn't slept for more than 2 hours in a row for probably 4 months. And you may be thinking, "But Taryn was only 2 months, what gives?" And if you have ever been pregnant, I will remind you of waterfalls, lakes, rain, and puddles. But if you have never been blessed with a watermelon sitting on your bladder 24 hours a day, and 2x the normal amount of blood pulsing through your system that needs cleaning and such, I'll let you know that the last trimester is hell on your aching bladder, and I couldn't go more than a couple hours without a run to the ladies room, and could only make it to 2 hours if I was alseep for most of it.
So four or five months of being sleep deprived, and having a human hanging on your body more hours of the day than not, a husband that is MIA, a mother who works nights, a best friend who was a gimp (love ya T!), coffee for breakfast and lunch/dinner at 3pm, and hot-ass California weather, and hopefully you may have a better understanding of how desperate I was for a break from the crying (As a side-note for those of you without kids, crying peaks between 6-8 weeks in newborns, normally).
And at about 4 1/2 minutes, I went back upstairs and stood outside her door poised to rescue my darling baby from her sea of salty tears when suddenly ... the crying stopped.
So I waited.
And waited.
And finally realized that she had cried herself to sleep.
I also realized that Ferber might have had something going in his little "Cry It Out" idea. Because though some kids can wail for hours, Taryn isn't one of them, unless something is really wrong. And when she gets so tired she can't eat, and won't settle down to sleep, I've found that one of the best things I can do is to put her down, let her wail for 3 or 4 minutes until she conks out, and after 10 minutes or so of fitful sleep, she's calm enough to nurse, then sleep for much longer when her belly is full.
Don't get me wrong, I've done this three times in the last 6 weeks, since that one fateful night, and each time (like today, like right now) she will only sleep for a short time before she is awake again, and ready to start over. So I don't see how this is a long-term solution, but it works for us when nothing else will as a short-term solution.
I do think that people who do this regularly have something else going on, I mean, from what I've read, it's supposed to take only a few nights for the child to learn that crying won't bring mommy or daddy in, so they just go to sleep, but really, do I want to teach my baby that she can't count on me coming to comfort her when she crys? I want Taryn to know that when she needs me, I'm there. That's my job right now, and I am helping her learn to sleep in other ways.
And maybe I'm wrong, I mean, obviously Dr. Ferber has a massive following, or else I wouldn't know him from homeboy down the street, but I think I'd rather teach my baby not to be a spoiled, egocentric, sissy-brat, than to deal with the realities of her growing up without a sense of trust. We'll see.
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